Regress
by PrettyOddx
Summary: It has been a few months since the team got Beast Boy back, and everything seems fine. But when the team gets a mission in Africa, things start to go south again. Will they be able to recover this time, or is this the end? Sequel to Childlike. Includes BBRae. Trigger warning: Self-harm, suicide
1. Chapter 1

**Reviews from final chapter of Childlike:**

 **Crysteldragon: Hahaha! I hope you like how the story turned out! Can't wait to start posting the sequel! Thank you for reading and reviewing so much! :)**

 **Fiery Pancake: Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I hope the sequel will go along well with Childlike! Thank you for reading! :)**

 **Hey everyone! Here's chapter 1 of Regress! This is the sequel to Childlike, so if you haven't read that story yet, please go read it prior to reading this story! Otherwise, this story may be quite confusing in some parts.**

 **Like with Childlike, I plan on regular uploads! I start school again in 10 days though, but I'll still try to keep a regular upload schedule regardless!**

 **Thanks for checking out this story! Please review! :)**

 **\- Hunter**

* * *

The sun rose up from the horizon, spilling warm light onto the city before it. The city was calm, which was a rare, but a very welcomed, situation. Inside of the T-shaped tower that stood in the ocean off the coast of the city, the teen superheroes were beginning to stir from their nightly slumber. The first to arrive in the Main Ops room was Robin, who had just finished a solo training session in the Gym. He went straight to the kitchen, grabbing himself a glass of water. He was soon joined by Raven, who always got up early as well.

"Good morning, Raven," Robin said to her as she entered the room.

"Good morning," she responded, going straight to the cabinet to get a mug down so that she could brew herself green tea.

The light was filling the Main Ops room more rapidly now, the windows casting pale yellow rectangles onto the floor and over the furniture. Soon, the sun was completely up, and the room was fully illuminated. The doors of the room swooshed open, revealing a joyous Starfire.

"Good morning, friends!" she beamed as she floated down to the kitchen area.

"Morning, Star," Robin said, smiling at the girl.

"Did you both sleep well?" she asked, to which both Robin and Raven nodded.

Just then, the doors of the room swooshed open again, this time revealing Cyborg and Beast Boy.

"C'mon dude, just admit that tofu is better than meat!" Beast Boy teased at Cyborg. This meat vs. tofu debate happened every morning, yet they still couldn't come to an agreement.

"No way, man. Meat always has and always will be better!" Cyborg rebutted, pulling a pack of bacon out of the fridge and getting it ready to fry.

Beast Boy went straight to Raven, who was standing against one of the counters sipping on her still-steaming tea.

"Morning, Rae," he said to her, giving her a peck on the cheek.

"Good morning," she said, blushing and smiling that small, shy smile of hers.

It had been about seven months since the Slade incident. Once they changed Beast Boy back, they decided to keep it a secret as to what had happened to him. It helped them greatly that he had no memory of his experience with Slade. They believed that telling him what had happened regarding the suicide attempt and the knowledge of his past would embarrass him and potentially bring back bad memories, and they wanted to prevent that for as long as possible.

Once they got him back, they were able to return back to their normal lives, or at least as close to it as possible. Beast Boy was the same as he was before the Slade incident; he was still his happy-go-lucky self, cracking jokes and pranking his teammates whenever he got the chance. His teammates, on the other hand, struggled at first. Knowing about his past was a difficult burden on them. Whenever they looked at their smiling friend, it weighed on their minds that he had tried to kill himself, not once, but technically twice. It was still hard to wrap their minds around his attempt, but they had almost come to peace with it.

The biggest change, by far, that the team had experienced since their friend's return was Beast Boy and Raven's budding relationship. Only two short months after the Slade incident, the two of them began seeing one another. They tried to hide it the best that they could, but they could only hide their more-than-just-friendliness for a short period of time before the team started to take notice. Now, they were more open in their relationship, no longer trying to keep it a secret from their teammates.

Cyborg walked to the open window that overlooked the city.

"Ahh, it's gonna be a good day today," he said with a large grin covering his face as the sound of sizzling bacon lingered in the background. Starfire floated over to him and joined him at the window.

"Yes, today will be glorious!" Starfire said as she looked at the sunrise over the city.

Cyborg went back to the kitchen and continued to prepare his bacon. Starfire joined Robin at the kitchen table where they talked and flirted with one another. Raven and Beast Boy sat on the couch together. Raven's back and head was resting on Beast Boy's chest, and they were holding each other's hands.

Raven felt the warmth from Beast Boy's body and allowed herself to calmly sink into his chest. It was hard for her at first to deal with all the emotions that came with a relationship, but she was learning to handle it in a safe and enjoyable way, and it was turning out nicely.

Cyborg's voice boomed from behind them. "Okay, y'all! The bacon-y goodness is finally ready!"

Suddenly, the room flashed red as the alarm rang out.

"Ah man," Cyborg sighed as he sadly set down his plate of freshly fried bacon. The teens gathered behind Robin at the large computer, waiting to hear about the emergency.

"What's the emergency?" Raven asked him.

"It's an out-of-the-country mission," Robin announced, immediately catching his teams full attention. They almost never had out-of-the-country missions, and when they did, they were always big. "There's a serious problem in an area of West Africa called Lamumba. There's an outbreak of a disease in one of the villages."

"Wait, why would we be called to control a disease outbreak? Wouldn't that be the World Health Organization's job?" Cyborg asked, confused about the purpose behind the mission.

"It isn't just a disease outbreak. Looks like there's a scientist named Samuel Register who's purposefully spreading the disease to the citizens around him," Robin explained.

Beast Boy's ears perked up at the name of the scientist, recognizing the name. "What disease is he spreading?" he asked, although he was sure that he already knew the answer.

Robin scrolled down the screen trying to find the answer. When he found it, he announced it to the team. "Sakutia."

Beast Boy's face paled when Robin read it out loud, confirming his fears. Raven, who was standing next to him, noticed this immediately.

"Beast Boy, are you okay?" she asked concerned.

Beast Boy's wide eyes met hers, and his mouth parted slightly, but only mumbled sounds came out.

"I, uh, gotta go real quick. I just, um, remembered something I need to, uh, do?" he said slowly before transforming into a hummingbird and quickly flying out.

"That was weird," Cyborg stated, alarmed and confused about what just happened.

"I'll go check on him," Raven announced before phasing out of the room, leaving just Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg.

"Robin," Starfire started, "what is this Sakutia disease?"

Robin looked back to the computer for the answer. When he saw it, he felt a numbness take over.

"Ah man, you're not going to believe this," Robin started, catching Starfire and Cyborg's full attention, "It says here that this virus is a fatal virus that latches onto its host's DNA and kills them within 48 hours. You get the virus by being bitten by the West African Green Monkey…"

It took a moment for Robin's words to fully sink in for the teens.

"Wait," Cyborg started, remembering what Beast Boy had said after his attempt, "didn't Beast Boy say that he was bitten by a green monkey when he was a child, and that he got really sick from it?"

Robin nodded. "Yeah, he did. He didn't say what the disease he got was though, but I think it's a safe bet that it was Sakutia."

"That would explain why friend Beast Boy left the room so hastily," Starfire said, "it must sadden him. Shall we go check on him?"

"No, he doesn't need all of us approaching him on the issue right now. Besides, Raven is with him, so he'll be fine," Cyborg reassured her.

* * *

Meanwhile, Raven searched for Beast Boy, and instinctively checked his room first. She phased into the hallway in front of his door. Behind the door, she heard muffled panic coming from the boy. She knocked on the door, which caused a brief pause in his audible anxiety.

"Who is it?" he asked quietly after a moment.

"It's Raven," she responded, "may I come in?"

"Uh, one sec," he said to her. She heard a small commotion in the room before he opened the door. He didn't make eye contact with her; he just looked at the floor. He moved out of the way, and she walked in as he closed the door behind her. She made her way to his bed and sat down, motioning for him to do the same, to which he obeyed.

When he sat down next to her, they were silent for a moment. Beast Boy stared at the floor in front of him while Raven studied his face. After a moment, she spoke.

"You've been crying," she told him.

"No..no I haven't," Beast Boy responded.

"Your eyes are red and puffy, and you have dried tear marks on the side of your eyes. You've been crying. Don't lie to me," she stated. His jaw clenched at the stress he felt when she made this observation. "So tell me what's going on."

"Nothing. Everything's fine," he said, still trying to convince her that he was okay.

"If everything was fine, you wouldn't have ran out of the Main Ops room and you wouldn't have cried. Now, seriously, tell me what's going on," she said.

Beast Boy brought in a deep breath before slowly letting it out.

"The mission, where it's located, is where I grew up," he started explaining slowly. It was painful for him, and Raven could sense that. She put her hand on his back and started rubbing it slowly. He looked at her and smiled lightly, appreciating her touch. "When I was a child, I was bitten by a West African Green Monkey and I contracted Sakutia. It almost killed me, but I was given medicine to survive. That's the only reason why I'm still alive. It should have killed me," he explained, pausing briefly before continuing, "Samuel Register, the scientist that Robin mentioned, worked with my parents when I got sick. He disappeared though after I got better. I encountered him again a few years later, and some…stuff….happened. After that, never heard about him again, not until now."

"Thank you for telling me," Raven said, appreciating his raw honesty. She knew it was hard for him, and she could feel a deep pain coming from inside him because of the memories. "Are you going to be okay, on this mission?"

Beast Boy thought for a moment before responding.

"I should be. It's not about me; it's about the mission. We'll do our job and soon it'll be over," he said.

"Okay. We're here for you. You know that, right?" she asked, to which he nodded. "And you know I'm definitely here for you," she said as she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Beast Boy turned his face towards her and kissed her, this time on the lips, grinning as he did so.

"I know," he said between kisses. They sat there and held each other for a few moments, enjoying each other's silent company before Raven spoke up.

"C'mon. Let's go back to the Main Ops room and have some breakfast, okay?" Raven said. She stood up and extended her hand to Beast Boy, who took it graciously. They exited his room and headed down to Main Ops to finish their previously interrupted breakfast.

* * *

 **Hope you liked the first chapter! Please remember to send in your reviews!**

 **Also, throughout the story, bits and pieces of Beast Boy's (altered) history will be talked about. I couldn't find a whole lot of information on his history when I researched him on the internet, so most of my knowledge of his background is through the many, many fanfics I've read about him. While keeping in mind that I've altered his past to fit in with my story, if anything is just really unrealistic or anything like that, please let me know! I want to keep my stories as realistic and plausible as possible.**

 **Thank you! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone! Here's chapter two in Regress! Hope you enjoy :)**

 **Allen Blaster: Awesome, thank you! I really appreciate it! And sorry about the double response with the PM and now this; I forgot that I tend to reply to reviews on the following chapter rather than through private messaging haha :)**

 **Fiery Pancake: Thank you! It will somewhat mirror Childlike, considering the similar themes and topics, but is still different. The reason why I choose to build up Beast Boy and Raven's relationship in the way I did is because, although I want there to be BBRae in this fanfic, I don't want it to be the central aspect of the story. Their relationship is definitely important in this story, but I didn't want it to overpower the other themes. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I'm glad that you admire it nonetheless. I'm glad you look forward to the rest of the story and I hope you enjoy it! :)**

 **DarkDremora4: Haha, exactly! I thought it'd be a funny thing to add haha. I'm so glad that you enjoyed Childlike and I really hope that Regress is a good read for you too! Thank you! I'm glad that these topics are coming across well. In this story, the topics will be a bit more in-depth and graphic, but I don't think it's overdone. I tried to keep the scenes as realistic and believable as possible. I write about these topics with the purpose of education and to destigmatize them, rather than to just add gore. And as for your question, that's a very big possibility. I'm trying to keep their relationship an important aspect in the story without having it become the central topic, but there will definitely be BBRae throughout. :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! :)**

* * *

Later that day, once Beast Boy had calmed down enough to approach the matter further, the team came together to try to figure out a plan of action. Raven had updated Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg on what happened with Beast Boy and why he panicked, with his permission of course. She told them everything that he had told her regarding how the village is where he grew up, how the disease he contracted was indeed Sakutia, and how he knew Dr. Register.

When Beast Boy saw his teammates again, he apologized for running out on them like he had earlier, to which they told him that it was alright and that he didn't need to apologize. They then sat down as a group to figure out the plan of action.

"When we fly in," Robin started, "we shouldn't fly directly into the village. We need to land somewhere just outside of the area so that we don't disturb the citizens too much."

"I can land the T-ship in a clearing in the jungle about a mile or so away from the village," Cyborg announced. He had been studying the area in which they would be traveling to and knew that there was a relatively large clearing that would be suitable for the T-ship.

"Good idea, Cyborg," Robin said, agreeing with his teammate. "Once we get there, we need to track down Dr. Register. Gather information from the citizens and try to figure out as much as possible about the disease outbreak."

"He may be choosing specific victims to infect. We should try to see if there is a pattern in victims so we can try to break the pattern," Raven interjected, to which Robin nodded.

"And for the patients who are already infected, we need to try to administer as much treatment as possible, see if we can save them," Robin said.

"But Robin," Starfire began, "it said that it is a fatal disease. How can we treat it?"

"I'm not sure, but it can't hurt to try," he responded.

"I can try to heal them," Raven added.

"And I can do chemical analyses on the patients to see if I can reverse the effects at all," Cyborg stated.

"Sounds like a plan," Robin announced, pleased with what the team had come up with so far. "We need to start packing so we can leave soon. Can everyone be packed and ready by 6?" The teen's nodded and set off to go pack individually.

Beast Boy reached his room quickly, and as soon as the door shut behind him, he stared at the dark room before him numbly.

 _How can I go back there?! I'm not allowed…they'll never accept me…_

He headed over to his closet and pulled down a large suitcase. He began to fill it up with a few sets of his uniform, as well as other necessary articles of clothing.

 _Maybe they've changed? I mean, it's been years since I've been there...maybe they don't care anymore…?_

He walked over to his desk and starting rummaging through the belongings in the drawers. He pulled out a small first aid kit and a few other random items that he thought may be necessary on the trip. As he was about to finish going through the drawers, his hand ran across a thin, smooth surface. He grabbed the item, holding it in front of his face. It was a picture of him with his parents when he was a child; it was from before the illness, before the accident, before the shame, before anything and everything went wrong.

 _Doesn't matter how many years go by…doesn't change a thing. I'll still be outcasted, still be blamed…_

He put the photograph in his suitcase, safely tucked in one of the smaller compartments. He breathed in deeply as he zipped the compartment closed, releasing it out slowly. He headed over to the stereo that was set on the corner of his desk and turned it on. Music began to pour out of the speakers, tickling his ears with the beats. He turned it up louder and felt the vibrations that left the speakers and rattled his desk, as if the desk was dancing to the sounds of the drums. Music was a perfect escape, and one that had the capacity to help in almost any situation. It was there to express moments of happiness, moments of love, moments of rage, and perhaps most importantly, moments of pain and sadness. The lyrics that were there helped to express emotions in ways that he couldn't, and the rhythms and beats spoke to his soul in a way that he had never felt before.

Being finished with packing and having time to kill, he went over to his bed and laid down on his back, letting the music speak to his mind and soul and drown out his thoughts. He soon fell asleep though, completely loosing track of time, until he was awoken by a loud banging on his door.

"Yo! BB! We're ready to leave! You packed?" Cyborg yelled through the door.

Beast Boy, somewhat disoriented from being startled awake, walked over to his stereo and turned it down, then completely off.

"Yeah, I am. I'll be down in a sec, okay?" Beast Boy responded.

"Okay," Cy said as he walked away from his door, leaving Beast Boy alone once again. He took a deep breath, grabbed his suitcase, and walked towards the door.

 _Well, I guess it's now or never. Can't avoid it forever…_

He opened the door and started heading downstairs to where they would be taking off in the T-ship. When he arrived, he found Cyborg, Robin, Raven, and Starfire there and waiting for him.

"'Bout time, grass stain. Thought we'd have to leave you behind," Cyborg laughed, joking with him.

Beast Boy laughed nervously in response, trying to seem as lighthearted as possible.

"Hehe, sorry," Beast Boy responded as he neared Cyborg, who patted him on the shoulder.

"Is everyone ready to go?" Robin asked as he looked at his team. Everyone nodded. "Okay, let's head out."

The five teens entered the T-ship, getting into their designated compartments before taking off into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone! Here's chapter 3! Hope you enjoy it!**

 **The foreign language that I use in here is a google translation from English to Swahili. I apologize if the translations are not completely accurate. The English translations will be in parenthesis and in italics next to each Swahili translation. Let me know if you like that format or if you find that confusing; a few more chapters will include this language and I'm trying to figure out the best way to include the translations so that you know what is being said.**

 **RPGPersona: I agree completely; there's so much personal choice that goes into how the fanfiction runs, and it is fun and exciting to play around with different ideas and determine what you think will work best in the story. And although the beginning of Beast Boy and Raven's relationship will be mildly discussed later on, I chose not to put too much emphasis on it. I figured, throughout the series, they got called to do and chose to do a lot of missions that probably were meant for more experienced teams (ex: Tokyo, everything with Slade, basically season 5 as a whole, etc…), so it made since to me that they could get called for a mission like this as well. Besides, despite their ages, they've definitely proved themselves more than capable over the years that they had been a team. And I agree completely on the depth of his character as well; he used to be one of my least favorite characters in the series simply because I felt as if his character was purely comic relief and that was his only aspect, but since learning more about him and his past, he is now my favorite. I enjoy the depth to his character, and how that has manifested into his personality. I listen to music for the same reasons as well, so I thought that could be a fun thing to include. I figured it's something a lot of people can relate to. I'm glad you're enjoying the story and hope you enjoy what continues to happen! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! The story has been somewhat slow up to this point, but it's about to start picking up :)**

* * *

The flight to the West African village lasted the majority of the night, but due to the time difference and the superior speed of the T-ship, they arrived in the early afternoon. They landed the T-ship in the clearing that Cyborg had talked about and got out.

"We should set up camp before heading into the village," Robin announced to his team, "Let's go ahead and get started."

They started to set up camp in the jungle clearing. With just a few, easy alterations to the T-ship courtesy of Cyborg, the team had a large, tent-like shelter. It had divided compartments for the teen's individual privacy, as well as just a general space for them. The teens put their belongings in their compartments and set up their sleeping bags and such. Although each teen had their own compartment, Robin and Starfire shared a room, and Beast Boy and Raven shared a room as well. Within less than an hour, they were completely set up and ready.

"Alright, should we head into the village now?" Cyborg asked Robin.

Raven could feel Beast Boy tensing up so she grabbed his hand and gave it a firm squeeze. He looked her way and their eyes met.

"Yes," Robin responded, "we should have a few hours of daylight left. We don't want to be travelling in the dark since we're unfamiliar with the area."

"We are a little over a mile outside of the village, so it shouldn't take too long to get there," Cyborg updated the team. Robin took this information and thought for a moment.

"Beast Boy," he said, bring the boy's attention back to him, "You know this area better than any of us. Would you be able to lead the way?" Beast Boy nodded. "Okay, team, let's head out!"

Beast Boy, still holding onto Raven's hand, started walking out of the clearing and into the surrounding jungle. The clear, blue sky that had been above them was soon mostly concealed by the towering trees that surrounded them. The jungle trees started off somewhat scattered, like a scarcely filled forest, with the majority of the plant life being ferns and bushes. The trees then became more and more densely packed, with thick, bumpy roots covering the ground.

The teens were quiet, so the sounds of the jungle were somewhat loud to them. There was an orchestra of buzzing insects surrounding them. It was combined with the caws of birds and the occasion monkey shriek.

The path that Beast Boy was leading them on was not straight. Rather, the path that he led had a lot of turns and curves. Every so often, he would stop walking, take a look at his surroundings, and turn again, leading them closer to the village. It was obvious to the team that Beast Boy was very familiar with the jungle and that he had walked this path many times.

Beast Boy and Raven were far enough ahead of the rest of the team so that they would be out of earshot when whispering. Raven leaned over to Beast Boy so that her mouth was only a few inches away from his ear.

"Are you going to be alright?" she asked him. She could feel his anxiety increasing as they got closer and closer to the village.

"Yeah, I will be," he said. He turned and met her eyes once again. He saw that she didn't quite trust what he was saying. "I'm just nervous, is all."

"Okay. Just remember, we're all here for you if you need us, especially me," Raven reminded him.

"I know, Rae, thank you," he responded with a grin covering his face.

They continued to walk in silence until Beast Boy saw the village up ahead. They still had adequate daylight, but the sun was in the beginning stages of setting, lighting the sky up in a picturesque mixture of light blue and pale peachy yellow.

"We're here," Beast Boy said, turning back to his team, "it's just up ahead, just beyond this small river." Before them was a small, shallow river. They saw that this smaller body of water was connected to a considerably larger body of water upstream. Like Beast Boy had said, the village was just beyond the water; they could see brown, wooden huts peeking through the trees.

The teens started walking forward towards the village. They soon stopped though, noticing that Beast Boy wasn't leading them at the moment. He was staring at the village, his eyes scanning the huts.

"Hey, Robin," Beast Boy said, his eyes not leaving the village before him, "would you mind taking the lead from this point on?"

Robin could hear in the teen's voice how nervous he was. He remembered what he had told the team as Garfield, about how he was kicked out of the village and how he was not welcomed here anymore. He knew it must be horribly stressful for him to be back here, especially considering that past.

"Yeah, no problem," Robin responded, "Let's go, Titans." The teens started heading towards the village once again, with Robin taking lead and Beast Boy and Raven trailing in the back.

They soon reached the village. The village was in a clearing similar to the one that the teens had set up in. The village was relatively large, with dozens of huts and larger shelters constructed. The huts appeared to be made out of some sort of straw with large pointed leaves intertwined. There were people outside of their huts, and they were dressed in bright fabrics with bold patterns. Some of the women were outside in groups, talking with one another while children chased each other and played. There were also groups of men conversing as they skinned a recently deceased animal.

As soon as the teens entered the village, they caused a stir among the people. The children stopped chasing and playing as they stared at them. The women who were talking somewhat loudly began whispering to one another and pointing. The men took notice of this quickly and stopped skinning the animal. They approached the teens slowly. The Titans stopped moving forward as they were approached.

One of the men started talking to the teens in a language that they did not understand.

"Kwanini uko hapa?" he said to the teens, "Wewe ni nani?" ( _Why are you here?...Who are you?)_

"Uhh…" Robin stuttered, trying to figure out how to break the language barrier. Before he could get any words out, one of the tribesmen, who was holding the bloodied skinning knife, reacted. His eyes widened and anger quickly took over. He lunged towards Beast Boy, tackling him to the ground. He held the knife to his neck and shouted maliciously.

"Ni wewe!" He shouted. ( _It's you!)_

Beast Boy transformed into a snake and slithered from out under the man before transforming back into his human form. His left cheek was scraped and bleeding from the impact on the ground.

The tribesman stood back up and started shouting at Beast Boy, but did not lunge at him with the knife.

"Kwa nini wewe kuja nyuma?" he shouted at Beast Boy, "Wewe si kuwakaribisha hapa!" ( _Why did you come back?...You're not welcomed here!)_

"Samahani, lakini tafadhali jaribu kutulia!" Beast Boy yelled back, shocking the team. They had no idea he was bilingual. ( _I'm sorry, but please try to calm down!)_

The team was on high alert and ready to attack should they be attacked again. Beast Boy was breathing heavily, just as shocked as his team at the sudden assault.

"Wewe ni aibu! Lazima kuondoka mara moja!" the tribesman yelled. ( _You are a disgrace! You must leave immediately!)_

"Tafadhali kutulia! Nimekuja kukusaidia! Ninaahidi!" Beasts Boy shouted back. ( _Please calm down! I've come to help you! I promise!)_

This altercation, of course, caught the attention of the rest of the tribe. People starting peeking through their windows and exiting their huts to see what was going on. Some of the women ushered their children back inside and away from the chaos. Soon, a man who was dressed in a bright purple robe with teal rectangles covering it stepped out from one of the larger huts and approached the teens.

"Kukomesha hali hii sasa!" he yelled quickly and strongly at the tribesman and Beast Boy, who stopped their yelling immediately. He turned his attention specifically to the tribesman. "Kwenda nyuma ya familia yako na kuacha kelele hii!" ( _Stop this now!...Go back to your family and stop this noise!)_

"Naye atamleta laana juu ya kijiji yetu," he spat out before turning and leaving. ( _He shall bring a curse on our village.)_

At this point, Beast Boy and his teammates had rejoined with each other.

"Beast Boy, are you okay?" Robin asked, and Beast Boy nodded.

The man turned his attention to the team, specifically Beast Boy, and started speaking in English.

"How dare you come back here," he said hatefully, a dreadful grimace covering his face, "If you have any respect for this village and its people, you will leave immediately and never step foot here again."

Robin took a step towards the man. "We have a mission to take care of here. Beast Boy is on this team and he will remain here as long as we are needed." The tribesman silently stared at Robin hatefully. "We were called here due to your outbreak of Sakutia. We're here to stop the man behind the outbreak and to help your village."

"I am Abioye, the leader of this tribe. I know what is best for my village and my people. We do not need any help from someone who associates themselves with that disgraceful creature. He is a shame to this village," the tribesman responded, scowling at Robin. Abioye refused to look at Beast Boy.

Cyborg glanced down towards his green friend. He was tense, with his jaw tight and his fists clenched. The blood that was on his cheek had dried, with the surrounding area starting to bruise.

"He's a part of this team and he's staying. We are just trying to help you and your village. A large number of your villagers have already died, and many more are infected. This is just going to continue until Dr. Register is stopped. So unless you want to watch your entire tribe die, you will let us do our job, Beast Boy included," Robin returned sternly.

The man clenched his jaw tightly, weighing on Robin's words.

"As soon as your job is complete, you will leave immediately," he said towards Robin before turning his attention to Beast Boy, "As for you, you must never return to this village after the completion of this mission. If you do, you will be executed upon sight," He turned and walked away from the teens, leaving them standing in the middle of the village.

Robin exhaled slowly in an attempt to release his frustrations before turning to his team.

"Let's go ahead and head back to our camp. We can start in the morning. Beast Boy, can you show us the way back?" he asked. Beast Boy nodded and started walking out of the village. He walked ahead of all the teens, including Raven, choosing to walk alone.

As they walked through the village to leave, the women and men spat out hateful remarks towards Beast Boy and the team. Beast Boy kept his head up and stared in front of him as he walked out, trying to ignore their comments. They were soon out of the village and in the jungle.

The sun was starting to set, with crimson and orange streaking the sky. The animal sounds of the jungle progressively got louder as the team neared their camp.

When they got back, Beast Boy immediately went into his tent compartment, closing the barrier that separated his room from the others. The rest of the team remained outside of the compartment for a few minutes, knowing that he was going to need a bit of alone time after what had taken place in the village.

"Are we even going to be able to complete this mission?" Cyborg asked Robin, "It's not like we're being received well."

"We have to. There are too many lives at stake," Robin responded.

"But what about friend Beast Boy? They were very hateful towards him," Starfire commented, concerned about her friends well-being.

"Beast Boy is strong. He'll get through it. We just need to make sure he's okay throughout this mission," Raven said, to which the teens nodded.

The sun was no longer in the sky, which was now a deep blue color. Stars were starting to litter the nighttime sky.

"It's going to be an early morning. Let's go ahead and get ready for the night. We begin at dawn," Robin announced. Each team member went to their compartment to get ready for bed.

* * *

There was a muffled sound at the door of Raven's compartment. Being half asleep, she did not take too much notice to it until she felt a figure lay down next to her. She opened her eyes and saw Beast Boy laying down next to her.

"Hey," she said, her voice quiet and groggy.

"Hey," he said back, "Sorry to bother you or wake you. I just wanted to…needed to, be here."

Raven put her arm around Beast Boy's shoulders, enclosing him in an embrace and bringing him closer to her.

"It's fine, don't worry. I'm glad you're here," she said, smiling at him.

Beast Boy gave her a small peck on her forehead and wrapped her in the embrace as well.

"Me too," he said quietly, starting to fall asleep. They were silent after that, falling asleep to the sound of each other's breathing and heart beats, enjoying the warmth and company of each other as they embraced into slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! Here's chapter 4! I hope you enjoy. Once again, the English translation to the Swahili will be in italics inside of parenthesis next to the statement!**

 **RPGPersona: I thought about having Starfire help out with the language barrier, but ultimately decided against it. I figured the villagers would be less than thrilled to willingly accept her language learning kiss, and if she did it without their permission, it would no doubt increase hostilities. As for her and Beast Boy, I figured his and Raven's relationship was enough persuasion to go against that idea, especially since they already have a native speaker/translator. And yeah, I made the welcoming quite harsh. I felt like it worked in order to prove Beast Boy's fears and worries to himself, as well as to shock the team into realizing just how bad the tribe's hostility has been and will be towards Beast Boy. And thanks! I figured that the chapter was pretty heavy and I wanted to include cute/light BBRae in it to help balance it out. :)**

 **Please continue to read and review! Thank you :)**

* * *

The next morning, the teens rose from their chambers and sleepily met outside of their tents.

"When we arrive in the village today, we're going to go see the victims and see if we can figure anything out from that. There is a makeshift medical facility set up on the east side of the village where they are attempting to treat the victims," Robin announced to the team. "After that, we will split up and continue our search. Raven, you'll stay behind at the medical facility and see if you can heal them. Cyborg, you'll study the records of who has been infected and see if you can decipher some sort of pattern. Starfire and Beast Boy, you two will interview the villagers and get any information you can about Dr. Register. I will meet with Abioye again and see if I can get any information from him. Then, we will meet back up and discuss what we've discovered, okay?" The teens before him all nodded. "Okay, let's head out."

The teens headed back out towards the village. They were more familiar with the path now, but they still had Beast Boy lead them so they wouldn't risk getting lost. It was early in the morning, casting the sky with a pale yellow and green as the sun rose from the horizon. Birds were chirping and flying through the trees, some with berries and twigs in their beaks. Soon, they arrived at the village.

When they entered, they were greeted by Abioye. He was still wearing the same purple and teal robe that he had been wearing yesterday.

"Welcome," he said to the Titans. He was acting friendly enough, but his face had a somewhat angry expression on it; he wore a scowl, the light wrinkles that covered his skin intensifying his glare. "How do you wish to proceed today? I trust that you will not be too much of a nuisance for my people."

"As was discussed yesterday, we are here to complete our mission and nothing else. We will avoid being a bother to your people as much as we can, and try to complete our mission as soon as possible. We want to visit your medical facility that you have set up on the eastern side of the village," Robin announced, trying to be as civil and respectful as possible. He was angry at Abioye and the villagers because of the way they had treated Beast Boy, but he couldn't let his personal feelings get in the way of the mission; there were too many lives at stake.

"As you wish," Abioye stated as he lead the teens towards the makeshift medical facility. As they walked, the villagers who were outside stared at them. Most kept silent, speaking only with their expressions and actions. A few spat out hateful remarks, some in their native language that only Beast Boy knew how to speak, but some in English that the whole team could understand. All the remarks, for the most part, were directed towards Beast Boy.

They soon arrived at the medical facility and stood outside of the walls. They could hear low moaning inside, but nothing more. Abioye turned to the teens.

"Our people who lay in there are gravely ill. Do not strain them too much," he said to the team as a whole before turning to Beast Boy, "especially you." He then turned and walked away back towards the main village.

The Titans walked into the facility and were immediately saddened by the sight before them. There were easily 20-something people in the facility, all children and teens. They were all lying on thin, dirty mattresses that were lined up on the floor. There was no medical equipment in the facility; the victims were being treated with bags of ice covering their bodies as nurses tried to treat their pain and fevers. Some of the victims were bleeding, mostly out of their noses and mouths. One of the nurses approached the Titans.

"Hello," she said. Her voice was quiet and tired, the front of her dress covered in blood and vomit. "Can I help you?"

"Yes," Robin said, his voice quiet and comforting in return, "We are here investigating the outbreak of Sakutia. We thought coming to this facility and seeing the victims would be a good starting point in our investigation."

"Ah, yes," she replied.

"Is there anything you can tell us about the outbreak? Any information at all would be very helpful," Robin asked.

"We started seeing victims approximately two weeks ago," she started, "At first, we just had one victim. Young boy, age ten. It wasn't out of the ordinary. We see Sakutia on occasion, although we haven't seen it in our village in about a decade. Then we received another victim. Young girl, age five. Not long after that, victims started appearing more rapidly. At the moment, we have 22 infected people. The oldest is 17, the youngest is only three," she said, taking a moment to let out a sigh, "We have buried seven children in the past two weeks, and more burials will soon follow."

"We are sorry for your losses," Robin said, "Is there anything odd about the outbreak, besides the number of victims?"

The woman thought for a moment before responding.

"Only a few of the victims have been bitten. The rest are free of bite marks. We have found injection wounds on the rest of the victims; they were all either injected in their neck or in their arms. Those who were injected are experiencing more severity in their symptoms and are succumbing to death faster," she responded, "We do not know why they are more severe, but we have kept them separate from the bite victims." She pointed towards the ill children behind her. "Over there are the bite victims, and over there are the injected victims."

"Thank you so much for the information you have provided. May we talk to some of the victims and get their firsthand accounts on the incidents?" Robin asked.

The woman nodded.

"You may, but I can't promise how much information you'll be able to get out of them," she said.

"Thank you," Robin said, giving the woman a small, consoling smile, "You have been a great help for us."

The woman smiled back and nodded before returning to her patients.

The teens walked over the victims who were bitten. Out of the 22 victims, only eight were bite victims. Only a few of the victims seemed somewhat alert; the others were either asleep or were delusional from fever. They walked over to a boy who looked to be about 13 years old and alert. He had two, deep puncture wounds on his left shoulder, obviously bite marks.

"Habari," he said, his voice pained and raspy. He was sweating profusely and had a trail of dried blood coming from his nose. ( _Hello.)_

Beast Boy kneeled down to the boy and starting speaking to him.

"Habari, jina langu ni Beast Boy, na hayo ni marafiki zangu. Sisi ni hapa kukusaidia na kijiji yako," he said calmly, "Je, wewe kuzungumza Kiingereza wakati wote? Mimi naweza kuelewa, lakini marafiki zangu hawazungumzi lugha hii." ( _Hello, my name is Beast Boy, and these are my friends. We are here to help you and your village. Do you speak English at all? I could understand, but my friends do not speak this language)_

The boy nodded.

"Yes, I speak little," he said, each word a struggle to produce. The other teens kneeled down beside him as well, joining Beast Boy.

"Can you tell us anything about how you got bitten?" Robin asked.

The boy nodded.

"I was walking in jungle at night. I heard noise behind me. It sound like animal, but I saw none. I heard noise again, but before I could turn around to see what it was, it attacked me," he turned his head to the side and coughed violently, blood trickling out of his mouth as he did so. "It bit my shoulder. I have never felt as intense of pain as I did that moment, not even now. It removed his teeth from my skin, and I saw it run. It was small monkey, and his thick fur was green and tangled. There was something odd about the monkey though. He had thick silver collar around neck."

Robin exchanged a look with his teammates, mentally noting the silver collar.

"Is that all you can remember?" Robin asked, and the boy nodded. "Thank you for the information," he gave the boy a consoling smile. The teens all stood back up except for Beast Boy.

"Asante sana," Beast Boy said to him before standing back up. ( _Thank you very much.)_

The teens interviewed the other bite victims that were able to be interviewed, and all of their stories were very similar. All were bitten in the same part of the jungle, and all the monkeys had a thick silver collar around their necks. They then moved onto the injection victims.

When they reached that side of the room, they could see that those victims were significantly worse off. They were all coughing violently and throwing up. Many of them were bleeding, some profusely. One young girl who looked to be about ten eyed the teens suspiciously as they neared.

Beast Boy kneeled down to the girl when they arrived, the other teens soon following.

"Habari. Sisi ni hapa kwa msaada. Je, kwa bahati kuzungumza Kiingereza?" he said to the young girl. ( _Hello. We are here to help. Do you speak English?)_

She nodded.

"Yes, I speak English," her eyes hadn't left Beast Boy since he entered the facility. "I have heard stories about you. Some have said that you brought this curse upon the village. Is that true?"

Beast Boy looked sad as she told him that.

"No, that's not true. What's happening here isn't a curse. There's a bad guy out there trying to hurt you all, and we're here to stop him. I'm not a threat, I promise," he said, his voice carrying sorrow in it.

The girl stared at him in thought for a moment before nodding, and then looked at the rest of the teens.

"Can you tell us anything about how you got injected?" Robin asked the girl.

"I was walking in the jungle, and I went down near the river. It was starting to get dark, so I decided to start to head back home," she said, taking a break to cough violently, blood spewing out with each gag. Sweat dripped down her face, soaking the mattress below her. All the ice that had covered her body was completely melted. "I heard a sound in the trees. I thought it was an animal and left it alone. When I turned to head back home, a man jumped out of the trees. He grabbed me by arm and gripped my neck. He then pushed a needle in my neck. It burned a lot," she took another pause to cough, but this time it sounded more like choking. "He threw me on the ground and I saw him sprint away. He ran towards the waterfall. It was too dark though, so I couldn't see who it was. He was a white man though, and tall," She started coughing again, gasping for breath between coughs.

"Thank you, that was very valuable information," Robin said, concern covering his face.

The girl nodded and started coughing again. She couldn't breathe, and she kept coughing up blood profusely. Her eyes were large and fearful as she screamed in pain. She grabbed onto Beast Boy's hand, and he accepted it graciously. He placed his other hand on top of their intertwined hands and gave it a comforting squeeze. He knew what was coming, as did the girl. Tears started welling up in her eyes at the amount of pain she was feeling, pouring onto the sides of her face. The coughing intensified for a brief moment before ending completely. Her lifeless eyes stared up above at the ceiling.

Beast Boy took in a deep breath and released it slowly.

"Na uwe na amani sasa," he whispered quietly to the lifeless girl before releasing her limp hand. The nurses rushed over and covered her body with a blanket before picking up her mattress and transporting her out of the facility. ( _May you be at peace now.)_

The teens watched the nurses do this, speechless at what had just occurred. After a few moments, Robin shakily spoke up.

"Let's hurry up and talk to more of the victims. We need to end this crisis now."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 5! Hope you enjoy!**

 **I start school in two days, so updates may not come every 2 days like I've been doing, but I still plan on updating regularly. There will definitely not be weeks and months in between updates, but maybe a few days. I promise to keep up with somewhat regular updates, but you know how school can interfere with that.**

 **RPGPersona: That would've been funny! It's fun to imagine a jealous Robin! They're slowly gathering more and more information, which will lead to a lot of action in the upcoming few chapters. Hope you enjoy it! :)**

 **Please continue to read and review! :)**

* * *

The team talked to the rest of the injection victims, and all of them had about the same story. All of them had been walking in the jungle, usually during the evening or at night, and had been attacked by a tall, white man who fled towards the waterfall following the attack. A few of the victims had been able to get a better look at the man, and said that he had short brown hair and a muscular build.

After they had finished talking to the victims, Raven, with the permission of the nurses on staff, attempted to heal the victims. She was able to calm some of their fevers and lessen their pain, but she wasn't able to cure them. She hoped, though, it would be enough to hold them over for a while until they could potentially cure them. Even after her somewhat failed attempt at healing them, she stayed behind at the medical facility and began to study the disease and learn as much as she could about it.

She already knew that it was a virus that latched onto the victims' DNA and killed them within 48 hours. She had learned that most animals, with the exception of humans, are immune to the virus and therefore won't get sick. Humans though, when bitten, experience a horrible death. Within minutes of being infected, the host body will begin to rise in temperature. The body temperature continues to rise rapidly and will soon reach temperatures upwards towards 104ᴼF or 105ᴼF. Victims become severely dehydrated. Victims' bodies reject any and all food, so rehydration and nourishment is nearly impossible. After about 24 hours, the victims' bodies will begin to bleed profusely. The lungs begin to bleed, causing the victims to choke and cough up blood. The capillaries throughout their bodies start to break, causing extensive bruising, bloody noses, and bloodshot eyes. The cause of death for victims is usually some sort of combination of extreme dehydration, severe blood loss, and high fevers upwards towards 107ᴼF, and it's unbearably painful.

Cyborg, with the permission of the nurses, took some samples from the victims. He had taken blood samples and samples of their DNA, as well as samples from the bite marks and injection sites. He got samples from those who were recently infected, those who had been infected and were close to death, and those who had recently passed. He wanted to study the samples and see if he could pinpoint the virus and figure something out. Maybe if he could pinpoint the virus and how it affects the DNA, he could figure out how to reverse the effects of it, or completely eradicate it from the host body. It was a stretch, but he knew it could potentially be possible. Beast Boy somehow managed to survive it, so he knew there was some way to manipulate the virus or DNA.

After taking the samples and putting them in a safe spot so that he could begin to inspect them later, Cyborg reviewed medical records of the victims that the nurses had provided him with. All the records were eerily similar considering they had all fallen to the same fate. As the nurse had told him back at the medical facility, there had been 29 victims total, 8 of which had died so far. The oldest victim was 17, and the youngest three. Most of the victims were injected rather than bit. He struggled with deciphering any sort of logical pattern in the records. Register wasn't targeting a specific gender because about half the victims were male, the other half female. There wasn't a specific age that was targeted more so than the others, although the majority were ages seven and up. The only reason why the three year old was bit was because he had gone into the woods with the assistance of an older sibling who was also attacked. There was no pattern regarding family or status or anything. The attacks seemed to be completely at random, which was frustrating to him. At least with an identifiable pattern, they could potentially prevent more infections from happening by alerting the villagers to said pattern, but there was nothing. The only thing that would potentially prevent victims is to not allow villagers outside of the village, but he knew they couldn't get that to happen. Their lives depended on leaving the village to get food and water, so there was no way to control that risk.

Starfire and Beast Boy had gone around together and interviewed the villagers to see what information they could get about Register. They were only able to provide a little bit of information, some of which the teens were already aware of. According to the villagers, Register was a scientist who specialized in genetics. He worked with Beast Boy's parents, Mark and Marie Logan, while they were studying the genetics of animals and surrounding wildlife. After the death of Beast Boy's parents, Register disappeared, but not before being caught raiding the Logan's research facility. Important documents such as medical journalings and test serums were stolen and have not yet been recovered. No one had seen him since. Some had reported that they thought they saw him, but nothing was proven. Most of these reports were in the jungle; none had been in the village. There was information that suggested that Dr. Register had worked for S.T.A.R. Labs, to which Beast Boy confirmed.

It had been difficult to get the information out of the villagers. Many of them were hesitant, to say the least, to speak with Beast Boy. They exhibited a lot of prejudice towards him; some acted out of fear, some acted out of pure hatred. Luckily, he hadn't been alone. Because Starfire was associated with Beast Boy, they exhibited somewhat of a hatred towards her as well, but it was nowhere near as intense as it was towards Beast Boy. Beast Boy hated how they acted poorly towards her as well, but was glad to have her company nonetheless. Only a few acted out violently against him, but none of the attacks caused serious injury and were taken care of quickly before they escalated out of hand. Despite all the hate and anger directed towards him, Beast Boy handled the situations very well and remained professional throughout the whole event. Starfire noticed how it upset him, even though he didn't show it much.

Robin met with Abioye again to discuss the situation and get more information out of him. He was able to provide very little, and none of the information he got was new compared to the information that the rest of his team had gathered. More than anything, Abioye provided more threats and warnings towards him and his team, to which Robin countered. All in all, Robin's meeting was him was unsuccessful.

After all of them had completed their tasks, they headed back to their camp and waited to discuss the information they had gathered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 6! Hope you enjoy!**

 **RPGPersona: Their fight to cure or even treat Sakutia is definitely a difficult one, to say the least, and one that contains little hope. They're quickly finding that the whole mission is incredibly challenging, and one that they likely weren't prepared for, although there's probably no way to truly prepare for such a mission. I feel bad writing about all the stuff happening to BB, but it's necessary for the story. I really love writing sad and dramatic stories, but sometimes something happier seems preferable haha. Hope you like how the story progresses! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing!**

* * *

By the time that all of them had arrived back to the camp, the sun was already falling towards the horizon, painting the sky different shades and streaks of deep purples and bright oranges. They met out in the front of their camp where Cyborg had gathered wood and created a campfire. The teens sat in a circle around the fire listening to it crack and burn while they gathered their thoughts. Soon, Robin spoke up, breaking their silence.

"We need to discuss what everyone found out today so we can figure out where we go from here," he said, bringing everyone's attention from the fire to him. "Who would like to start?" After a brief moment of silence, Raven spoke up.

"I guess I will," she said. "I wasn't able to heal any of the patients. I could lessen the severity of some of the symptoms, possibly prolonging their lives for a few hours, but nothing more. I also talked with a few of the nurses to learn more about the disease and what it entails, and it's pretty horrible," she took a moment to pause and take a deep breath before continuing. "It basically involves the victims' body temperature rising rapidly to fatal temperatures. They become severely dehydrated and malnourished very quickly because their bodies refuse to keep anything down. After about a day or so, they start to bleed profusely because capillaries burst throughout their body. An interesting note about the disease is that all animals are immune; it's just humans who are susceptible to the disease."

"Man, that's intense…" Cyborg whispered, not believing what he just heard. It was hard to imagine that something so horrifying existed and was currently claiming the lives of innocent children, and all because an insane man wanted to cause destruction and chaos. It was sickening to think about for all of them.

"Cyborg," Robin spoke up, "What did you find out?"

Cyborg took a moment to gather his thoughts before responding.

"I took samples from the patients. I got blood and DNA samples, and I took samples from the injection and bite site. I'm going to look at the samples I collected and see if I can figure something out from them. I also reviewed medical records of the victims. There was no pattern that I could figure out. It doesn't seem like he's targeting any specific group of people or anything; he's just choosing at random," he explained.

"Hmm," Robin exhaled briefly, "that makes it considerably more difficult. If we can't discern a pattern, we can't control the rate of infection."

"We could possibly get them to stop allowing people into the jungle since that's where everyone is getting infected, but I imagine that that idea won't be taken too lightly by the villagers. They need to go into the jungle to survive," Cyborg added.

"Since only children and teens are being infected, we may be able to get away with sending out an advisory to restrict that age group from the jungle, but we definitely won't be able to do that with everyone," Robin explained, to which the other teens nodded in agreement. It would be easier if they were able to prevent more infections, but it seemed like that option was out of the question.

"Starfire and Beast Boy," Robin said, "What information did you get?"

Starfire and Beast Boy exchanged a silent glance with one another before Starfire spoke up.

"We were not able to collect much information, although we did learn new information about the Dr. Register," she began shyly. "Dr. Register was a doctor of genetics, and he had a specialization in animal genetics," she paused.

Raven could feel Beast Boy tensing up and growing more and more restless as the conversation continued. She was about to set her hand on his thigh to calm him down when he suddenly stood up.

"Uh, excuse me," he said quietly as he walked away from the campfire before transforming into a lightening bug and flying away. The team saw him fly into the jungle before they lost sight of him. Raven stood up to go follow him, but Cyborg laid a hand on her shoulder before she could leave.

"Maybe he just needs some space. We all know that this trip is hard on him. He just needs some time alone," he said, and Raven sat back down.

"Star, can you continue?" Robin asked, trying to get back down to business. He didn't like seeing his friend in so much pain, but he also couldn't ignore the problem at hand; they needed to work.

"Yes," Starfire said, slightly shaken up by what just happened, "Dr. Register worked with friend Beast Boy's parents. Their names were Mark and Marie Logan and they were also scientists who specialized in the genetics. They all worked very closely with one another. After Mark and Marie passed away, Dr. Register stole medical journalings and test serums from their lab and then disappeared. That was about 10 years ago. A few of the villagers have reported seeing him, but nothing has been proven. He has a history of working with the S.T.A.R. Labs."

"Do you know where the sightings took place?" Robin asked her, taking the information in.

"All of them took place in the jungle. I do not have specifics, but one person mentioned the waterfall," Starfire responded. "What information were you able to gather, Robin?"

"Not much," he said gravely, "Abioye couldn't provide any new information to me. He kept threatening us, specifically Beast Boy. I don't understand why he has so much hatred built up against him."

"The villagers have a lot of the hatred as well. They were very disrespectful towards friend Beast Boy today. They kept spewing their unkind words towards him, and a few acted out violently again. Friend Beast Boy handled it very well, though I could tell it upset him greatly," Starfire added.

"Ah man, I can't begin to imagine what he's going through right now. This gotta bring back a lot of painful memories for him," Cyborg mentioned, shaking his head as he looked toward the ground gravely.

"I'm going to go find him. I don't want him to be alone right now," Raven spoke up and flew away before anyone could interject.

* * *

After Beast Boy had flown far enough away from the campsite, he transformed back into his human form. He felt like he was going to explode. This whole experience was getting to be too much for him. He couldn't understand why there was so much hate and prejudice towards him, and why it was being placed on his friends as well.

He walked through the forest as the sound of insects buzzed around him. The once purple and orange sky had faded into a deep navy blue that was speckled with stars. It was almost too dark to see, but he was so familiar with the area that it didn't matter to him. He walked past all the trees that towered around him before coming to a clearing. It was a small cliff that overlooked a valley. It wasn't a high cliff, but it still created a really incredible view. He used to go to it as a child and just sit on the ledge and look at things; it was almost like his rock back at Titans Tower. Going to it now brought a sense of peace and calm that he hadn't felt ever since this mission came up.

The peace and calm didn't last long though before unwanted memories started flooding his mind.

He remembered being a young child and playing with his parents in the village and in the jungle.

He remembered them teaching him things about animals and plants that were new and exciting to him.

He remembered playing with his friends in the village, and how they were incredibly kind towards him.

He remembered being attacked by that damn monkey and the intense pain that ensued.

He remembered the fear in his friends' eyes as the villagers saw his new green skin and hair.

He remembered being out-casted and tormented by the people he used to consider his friends.

He remembered seeing the boat go over the side of the waterfall and hearing the crashing and screams.

He remembered all the intense pain that followed and all the guilt that he felt.

He remembered waking up in a pool of his own blood with two strangers looking down on him, saving him for their own malicious benefit.

All the memories were spinning around and around rapidly in his mind, merging into messy, altered memories and thoughts. He felt as if his body was being torn into a million different pieces, as if each thought was a knife through the chest. His head was spinning and he had to sit down and hold his head to try to keep himself steady.

His jaw was clenched so tightly he thought his teeth were bound to shatter, and he started to feel tears well up in his eyes, threatening to spill over. Right when he thought he was about to lose it, he felt a hand on his shoulder, startling him.

He turned around rapidly with his wet eyes wide and breathing hitched to find Raven staring down at him. He breathed a large breath out and returned his gaze to the earth before him. Raven took a seat next to him on the ledge. She was silent for a few moments before speaking up.

"I was going to ask if you were alright, but I think I already got my answer," she said, noting the tears in his eyes. She could feel his pain and fear. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Beast Boy just shook his head in answer, not trusting his voice to speak.

"Okay. We don't have to talk about it now, but know that I'm here to talk about it whenever you want, and so are the others. We know that this has to be hard on you, and we want to be here for you, but you have to let us in," Raven said, to which Beast Boy nodded. She rubbed his back and leaned her head on his shoulder.

They sat there for some time, enjoying each other's company as they looked out at the view. The only sounds to be heard was the rhythmic beating of their hearts and their breathing, as well as the chirping of insects in the distance. Soon, the moon was high overhead.

"Let's head back to the campsite, okay? We need to get rest," Raven said. Beast Boy nodded. They both stood up and held each other's hand as they started to walk back to the campsite together.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 7! This one is pretty short, but I hope to upload the next chapter really soon! Hope you enjoy :)**

 **RPGPersona: They're definitely having a difficult time getting information about the mission, with all the hostility and all. I enjoy including the more personal, thought-based moments with Beast Boy. I feel like that's something Childlike lacked (and with good reason, in my opinion based on the plot of the story), so I'm excited to use that writing method in this story. I feel like it adds a lot more detail into the thought processes that he deals with, and separates his information well from that of the rest of the team. That was an enjoyable yet painful scene to write, with all the bad memories at once. And, of course, it allowed for me to write another BBRae scene, which I enjoyed a lot haha. Glad you're enjoying the story :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing!**

* * *

The morning came faster than the teens had hoped, with the sunrise light feeling more like an intruder than a welcomed visitor. The team groggily made their way out of their rooms and outside to where the previous night's fire sat. Robin was the first to arrive, with Starfire and Cyborg not far behind, and Raven and Beast Boy taking up the rear. When everyone was finally gathered, Robin took no time before beginning to address the team.

"I was thinking about how we should proceed in this mission, and I think we should begin a more in-depth search," he started, "A lot of the reported sightings take place in the jungle, specifically near the waterfall. I believe that that will be the best place for us to begin our search."

The team nodded in agreement before Cyborg spoke up.

"Yeah, almost all of the sightings were there. Seems reasonable enough," he said.

"Should we alert Abioye to our search?" Starfire asked, concerned about further upsetting the skeptical tribe leader.

"Yeah, that would probably be a good thing to do. We'd likely hear about it if we didn't," Robin agreed, "Cyborg, did you end up looking over those samples last night?"

"I did, but didn't figure out too much," Cyborg started, "I was able to analyze the DNA and figure out just how the disease affects the victims on a cellular level, but wasn't able to figure out much else. I can't find a way to reverse or eradicate the disease. I know it can be treated, but I haven't figured it out yet," he motioned towards Beast Boy, "B, do you know anything about how it was treated with you?"

Beast Boy thought for a moment before responding.

"Not really, no. I was pretty young when it happened to me, and I don't know anything about the science behind it all. Sorry," Beast Boy responded, feeling bad that he couldn't provide more information.

"It's all good; don't worry about it. If you end up remembering anything about it, anything at all, let me know, okay?" Cyborg asked, and Beast Boy nodded. "I'll keep studying it though; see if I can't find something out."

"Sounds like a good plan, Cyborg. But we should go ahead and make our way towards the village so we can update Abioye on our plans. We need to utilize the sunlight for as long as possible today if we're going to be searching," Robin said, and the team started to head towards the village.

Since they were becoming more and more familiar with the jungle path towards the village, they no longer required that Beast Boy lead the team, which he liked. Beast Boy always chose to walk behind the other Titans with the exception of Raven, who was always right by his side. Today was no different.

The team soon arrived to the village after about 30 minutes of walking. Robin led the team, followed by Starfire, Cyborg, then Beast Boy and Raven. The villagers were already out and about, having started their day early at dawn. Like always, when the teens entered the village, the villagers looked up in pause from the activity at hand to watch them. Most of them would remain silent and avoid interaction with the teens, but a select few felt the need to share their hateful words with the teens, specifically Beast Boy.

A larger man carrying a recently deceased animal carcass approached the Titans. He walked by them, but not before purposely pushing Beast Boy with his shoulder.

"Mutant," he slurred as he left, his expression laced with disgust. Beast Boy remained silent but tense, choosing not to turn it into a battle.

The team soon located Abioye and approached him.

"Greetings," Abioye said when he noticed the presence of the teens, "What business brings you to our village today?"

"We wanted to inform you of our next course of action. We are going to search the jungle for Dr. Register, focusing our search in the vicinity of the waterfall," Robin explained to the village leader.

"It sounds like you have narrowed your search. I trust that your mission is nearing completion?" Abioye asked.

"It's hard to tell if we'll be done soon or not, but we hope so. We have gathered a lot of information, so we should be able to complete our mission soon," Robin said, trying to remain as calm and orderly as possible around Abioye.

"I would trust so. Your presence is causing quite a stir in my village, and I wish to restore balance once again. But, of course, that would require you to be gone," Abioye said, directing his eyesight towards Beast Boy.

"We are working as fast and as efficiently as we can to complete this mission. We understand that you don't want us here, and trust us, we're trying to get this done as soon as possible. We'll begin our search now," Robin said, beginning to get fed up with the fueled conversation. Abioye nodded and resumed his previous activities as the teens headed off towards the jungle once again to begin their search.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 8! I'm finally starting to get settled in school, but wi-fi is extremely limited, so please bear with me!**

 **Allen Blaster: I'm sorry that it is bringing back unpleasant memories for you! That was not my intention in the slightest. I thought about having him talk back or fight back, but ultimately decided against it. He wants to try to keep a good image, and not confirm their beliefs that he's a bad person. I figured biting his tongue rather than talking back would help to keep that good image, or at least not worsen it, if that makes sense. I hope you're enjoying the story nonetheless! :)**

 **RPGPersona: One night is definitely not much time, but I felt it fit somewhat well within the timeline of the story. I enjoyed putting in another BBRae moment, even though it's somewhat subtle. I'm glad that you found it to be cute! And definitely, yeah. The trip is certainly not the best for Beast Boy. They definitely need to exercise caution in order to not get infected; especially since the disease is, for the most part, incurable. I hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really, really appreciate all of your reads and reviews! :)**

* * *

Beast Boy led the team through the jungle towards the waterfall. Although the team always passed by a small stream on their way to the village, they had never actually passed the waterfall or the body of water that it was primarily connected to. They walked from the village to the stream that bordered it, and instead of simply crossing it to head back to the clearing where they had set up camp, they turned left and walked upstream. For a while, there was nothing to indicate that they were anywhere near the waterfall; the stream seemed to go on forever. The further away they got from the village, the thicker the jungle got, and soon they were tripping over the roots of trees. The canopy of tree leaves above them was dense enough to allow very little sunlight through, so it felt as if they were walking in the late evening rather than the midday high sun that they were actually walking in.

Soon, the thin stream widened ever so slightly before quickly growing steadily over the next half mile or so. Not long after the initial widening, they found themselves at the mouth of a great lake. And at the head of that large lake stood a monstrous waterfall that loudly poured into the body of water below.

"Here it is," Beast Boy said quietly, acknowledging the large waterfall before him.

The teens stood in awe facing the waterfall, stunned by just how grand and powerful it was; they had never seen one so big. The trees had cleared and the sun shined down brightly on the water, and it appeared as if it was almost glistening with sparkles.

"C'mon Titans, we have to start searching while we still have adequate sunlight," Robin announced, bring the teens' attention back to him and the mission. Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg split from the group to start investigating their surroundings. Raven was about to depart as well, but stopped when she noticed that Beast Boy hadn't moved. He was still staring at the waterfall, almost breathlessly. She walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, and Beast Boy shook his head.

"It's just…weird…being back here. This place is really important to me, and being here, now, just…I don't know…," he said, at a loss for words to explain properly how he felt.

Raven rubbed his shoulder before embracing him in a hug, to which he hugged back.

"I know this is hard for you. I can't imagine what it must be like for you to be back here. But you're strong and can do this, okay? Will you be alright doing this?" Raven asked.

Beast Boy nodded.

"Yeah, I have to be. It's the mission. Don't worry about me," he responded looking down at Raven and meeting her eyes. He gave a small, sad smile before leaving the embrace and going to explore his surroundings. Raven went to go search as well, each of the five Titans exploring a different section of the area surrounding the waterfall.

The search took quite a while. Starfire elected to search from above, looking specifically for anything that seemed out of place or could have potentially acted as a shelter. Raven elected to search the waterfall and the rocky formations that surrounded it rather than the land around it. Cyborg searched the area to the right of the waterfall, whereas Robin searched the area to the left of it. Beast Boy searched in the water as a fish to see if there was maybe some sort of hideout below the water surface.

The search area was so vast and so heavily inhabited by trees and bushes that searching was a very difficult and tedious task, and one that spanned for hours. The sun, which had sat above their heads at the beginning of their search, was now flirting with the horizon in the distance. Robin was about to call off their search for the evening when Raven's voice rang through their communicators.

"I think I found something," she said, her monotone voice somehow filled with anticipation.

The four teens made their way to her location. She was next to the base of the waterfall, so close to the water's edge that it sprayed and splashed onto the teens. The base was really rocky, with large boulder-like formations cumbersomely stacked all the way to the top where the water toppled over. Some of them were sheet-like, and were arranged in a way that was mildly climbable.

"Over there," Raven said, motioning to a small, cavern like opening in the wall behind the waterfall itself, "I found this and it looks like it may lead into something. It's pretty well concealed and I can't get a good enough look into it to know much, but it seems like it could function as a hideout."

"I agree. Great job, Raven. Titans, let's go investigate it," Robin responded, and the teens carefully made their way to the opening.

Since it was located behind the raging waterfall, the water was dangerous. One wrong slip could easily bring upon grave injury, or worse. And on top of that, the pathway to get to the opening was very narrow, and they either had to fly or walk with their back to the rocks and scuffle their way.

They soon reached the opening without incident and climbed inside. Raven was right – it did lead into something. As soon as they entered, they no longer had to fear walking on a narrow path; they were standing in a wide hallway-like entrance that led straight ahead. It was dark though with no natural or artificial light, so Starfire and Cyborg both lit up the passage way.

"Keep your guard up; we don't know what we're going to encounter in here. Let's continue," Robin addressed his team in a hushed tone before they began to walk single file down the corridor.

The pathway wasn't very long and soon veered off to the right, quickly leading them to a flight of stairs that went further into the ground. When they reached the end of the steps, they entered into the room that stood there. It was large, but had artificial light sources to brighten the room. It was very cluttered, with papers and documents strewn all over the many rows of long tables. There were filing cabinets lining one of the walls, with a variety of machinery lining another, and medical equipment and vials lining the other.

"Woah," Cyborg murmured, taking in all the room had to offer.

"Titans, investigate. It seems we have found his hideout, but we need to be sure. Find anything and everything you can about the outbreak," Robin ordered, and the team separated and started searching the room.

The papers that littered the tables were full of medical findings and notes. Some of them had codes and numbers messily scribbled down then angrily crossed out, followed by more and more of the same pattern. Other papers had documentations written down on them, detailing how certain experiments played out, and whether or not they were successful. The filing cabinets were filled with sheets of the same nature, but seemed to be older. The machinery on the side turned out to be medical in nature, and included items like Centrifuges for blood and machines specific to DNA testing. The medical side of the room had rows and rows of vials, some of which were full and some of which were empty. There were also syringes lying about, some of them bloody from struggle. There were also silver collars lined up, the same ones that were documented being seen on the monkeys.

"Yo, BB," Cyborg said as he was going through one of the filing cabinets, "Check this out."

Beast Boy made his way over to where Cyborg was, and the rest of the Titans soon followed too. Cyborg was looking through a journal that looked old and torn. It was filled with countless documentations and codes, and little squiggles that resembled some sort of medical rendering.

"What is it?" Beast Boy asked. The journal seemed familiar, but he didn't know what it was. Cyborg closed the journal and showed Beast Boy the cover. On the front of the journal read 'Research Journalings, Dr. Mark Logan'. "Woah…," Beast Boy breathed out quietly, taking the book in his hands and starting to flip through the pages.

"It's filled with documentations of his research and personal journalings," Cyborg said quietly, allowing Beast Boy to have his moment looking through the pages. "Technically, since Register stole it from your family, it's yours. You have the rights to anything in here that originally belonged to your family."

Beast Boy remained silent as he continued to flip through the pages of the book, admiring his father's scratchy handwriting. He knew he would need more time to read through the entries more thoroughly, but now was not the time. The silence in the room was soon interrupted by a clanking sound at the doorway.

All the Titans turned around swiftly at the sound, and saw what, or rather who, stood at the doorway. It was a tall man with short brown hair and a stubbly wrinkled face. It was no other than Dr. Samuel Register.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 9! I hope you enjoy it! Now that I have stable wi-fi, I should be able to update more regularly (or, at least, I hope so)! :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: Thank you! I'm glad you like it! :)**

 **RPGPersona: Haha yeah! I, of course, had to utilize the waterfall in the fanfic! And some more BBRae moments, which I absolutely love to write. I find it difficult to avoid clichés, even though I know they should generally be avoided. I was originally really against writing this chapter like this simply because of how cliché it was, but in the end decided to go with it regardless because I felt like it fit in best with what's about to happen in this chapter. I will, hopefully, learn to avoid clichés better though as I continue to write. I really hope you find the next chapter interesting! It was, by far, one of my favorite chapters to write in this story. :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it!**

* * *

The Titans got in their fight stance, ready to take on the malicious scientist. Register, however, did not take a fight stance, or even a defensive stance for that matter. Rather, he just stood there, almost seemingly amused by their presence.

"I supposed I should have assumed you children would have made your way here at one point or another," Register stated, his voice dry and bored. He moved his attention to Beast Boy. "Ah, I see all of you are here as well. Garfield, it's been quite some time. You've grown since I last saw you."

Beast Boy tensed at the mention of his real name; it felt foul coming from the older man's mouth, as if it was poison on his family name.

"We know you're behind the outbreak of Sakutia, Register. This is coming to an end now," Robin said sternly. Like his teammates, he always hated it when the villains tried to make small talk at the beginning of each encounter.

"Oh, is it now? Because, you see, I don't have plans for it ending any time soon. In fact, I plan on this going on for a long, long time," Register sneered.

"It's over, Register. The sooner you accept that, the better," Beast Boy retorted.

"You can't even call me by my name? I thought we were closer than that. Just call me Sam, Garfield. Just like old ti-," Register was interrupted by Beast Boy's yells.

"Shut up! Don't try to act like everything is okay! It's not!" he yelled, anger and irritation painted on his face.

The teens' aggravation continued to increase as the pitiful conversation continued, and they were growing extremely tired of it quickly. It was time for the words to turn into actions.

"Titans, GO!" Robin shouted, and his team sprang into action.

Starfire flew above, raining down starbolts on the evil man. He shielded himself from the attacks, only to be hit by Cyborg and slammed into the wall of medical equipment behind him. The glass vials shattered and rained down, cutting the skin of anyone close enough to the impact. When Register tried to stand, he was countered by Robin, who started attacking with his staff.

"Now I know you 'heroes' can do better than this. And here I thought that you were supposed to be tough," Register scoffed as he dodged Robin's attacks.

"You're just a normal human. Won't take much to take you down," Robin bit back. Despite being just a normal human himself, Robin knew and understood how they often were weaker, and therefore easier to battle, compared to a meta-human or a monster of some sort. Just then, Robin's staff made contact with Register's face, scraping his skin. Register's face turned away from the teens as he held the spot of impact with his hand.

"Just a normal human? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you," Register slowly turned his face back to the teens, removing his hand from the wound to reveal scaly, purple skin underneath a latex layer of skin, "But I am no normal human."

The teens stood shocked by the development, not knowing what to make of it.

"I can tell you're confused. Such a shame that I have to explain myself. You see, I couldn't just start infecting people without understanding the disease itself first. That could lead to failure, and failure is unacceptable. Rather, I had to understand it firsthand, so I injected myself with the virus and contracted Sakutia. And with the lovely help of the Garfield's medical records that his father documented so very well, as well as his own body samples and testings, I was able to recreate the cure and make myself immune. Of course, as you know, that cure comes with a price, a price that Garfield here knows all too well," Register continued. Suddenly, with a ferocious roar, the purple man transformed into a tiger and pounced at the teens.

He attacked Robin first, with him being the closest. He easily pinned him to the ground, but was soon encased in black energy and lifted off the Boy Wonder. Another fierce roar let out from the other side of the room, and a green tiger tackled the purple one to the ground. They scuffled there, clawing and biting at one another. Soon, Register transformed into a snake, biting Beast Boy. Beast Boy yelped, transforming back into his human form before transforming into a fox and biting the snake back.

Starfire's starbolts showered down onto Register, trying to stop his attacks. Cyborg tried to aim his sonic cannon, but didn't fire at the risk of hitting Beast Boy as well. Instead, he engaged in hand-to-hand combat with the purple shape-shifter.

Soon, Register transformed into a hummingbird and quickly flew to the other side of the room. Before the team could react, Register transformed back into his human form and pressed a large, red button on the wall. A clear shield quickly started to drop from the ceiling, separating the teens from Register and from the only exit.

Beast Boy, being closest to the dropping shield, rolled underneath it at the last second before it made contact with the ground. He turned to the shield, seeing that his friends were still contained. They immediately began to attack the shield to break through, but with no such luck.

"That shield is designed to keep meta-humans contained. You cannot phase through it, nor use any other means to remove yourselves. You're trapped," Register explained from the other side of the room, not even seeming to care that not all of the teens were contained.

Beast Boy looked back at the team, specifically to Robin.

"Go. Stop him. We'll get out as soon as possible to help, but in the meantime, you'll have to fight him," Robin ordered sympathetically, knowing that the boy didn't like to engage in battle alone. Beast Boy nodded before turning his attention back to Register.

"This should be easy," Register mocked, staring at the green boy, "You're weak prey. I remember how you used to cower in my presence," Register transformed into a lion and roared at him. Beast Boy, in response, transformed into a velociraptor and charged at the lion, teeth bared. He bit into Register's side, but he was quickly removed by the bulky paws that pushed him away. This brawl continued, shattering the equipment around them, until Register made a sharp turn away from Beast Boy, removing himself from his reach. Before Beast Boy could respond, he was faced with an elongated knife.

The room felt still at that point. An audible gasp could be heard from Starfire, with worried mutters coming from the other teens. The knife was pointed at Beast Boy, the deadly tip just an inch from his face. He transformed back into a human, staying in place and deep in thought.

Swiftly, Beast Boy transformed into a gnat and flew behind Register before transforming back into his human form, latching onto the man's neck. He latched on tightly, resulting in a wrestling match. Register managed to grab onto Beast Boy's forearms and slam him down back first onto the table before them. He lunged the knife down at his face, but Beast Boy shielded his face with his arms just in time. The knife tore at his suit and skin, and blood immediately began to pour. Beast Boy winced intensely, but took no time before his next attack. Register, who had been poised above Beast Boy, was soon rendered momentarily useless by a kick to the stomach and groin. Beast Boy took the opportunity to try to take the knife, but Register wouldn't let up.

Beast Boy perched himself above Register, his knees digging into the man's sides painfully. He grabbed at the man's forearms and hands in an attempt to remove the knife, but struggled greatly. Beast Boy, desperate to remove the sharpened horror from the fight, bit Register's arms, his sharpened fangs easily puncturing the skin. Register yelled at the pain as blood began to seep from his wound. Register momentarily lost his grip on the knife, and suddenly, Beast Boy was able to grip onto it.

Beast Boy tried to get off of the man to remove the knife from the fight, but Register fought to take the knife back. The knife, since it was being wrestled, kept jabbing at the two, slicing both of their arms numerous times, bloodying the blade. Beast Boy, finally getting a good grip on the knife, lunged it backwards to get rid of it, but Register caught onto his arm awkwardly before he could release it. Instead of the knife being thrown backwards as intended, it plunged into Register's chest as he tried to pull it closer to himself. The long blade embedded itself completely into his chest, and all became still.

As the realization came to Beast Boy, his face showed nothing but pure horror. He hadn't, of course, meant to do it, but it had happened nonetheless. Register, who was beginning to go into shock, fell to the ground, gripping at his chest. Beast Boy got down to the ground with him, and pulled out the knife as safely as he could; he didn't want to further injure the man. Once removed, he threw it backwards towards a cabinet, where it clanked loudly.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," Beast Boy panicked, trying to figure out how to stop the bleeding that was starting to pool. He placed his hands over the wound and applied as much pressure as he could. The blood, of course, seeped through his fingers almost immediately.

Register began to cough up blood, his purple skin turning paler and paler. All outside noise and commotion became further and further from Beast Boy's consciousness as he poured all his focus into saving the man. Soon, the screams and shuffles of his friends became nonexistent to him. Beast Boy pulled down a lab coat from the table next to him and applied it to the wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding. The white garment soon turned to red as the blood soaked through.

Beast Boy looked up to Register's eyes. His eyes, which had at one point been scanning the room nervously, had become still and empty.

"No! No, no, no, n-nono," Beast Boy's words began slurring together. He pushed the fabric down further onto the wound, not believing the man was actually dead. His hands and arms were shaking as panic ran through his veins. He was soon startled out of his terrified stance as a pair of robotic hands grabbed him from behind and picked him up.

"No! Stop! I have to help him! Stop!" Beast Boy screamed as he tried to get away from Cyborg's grip, but he couldn't. Instead, the metal man took the petrified Beast Boy over to the corner of the room and sat down, holding the boy down in his embrace. Beast Boy's body was shaking severely, and he was crying hysterically. Too horrified to transform, he had no choice but to remain where he was.

Robin, Starfire, and Raven remained at Register's side. Robin searched for a pulse and breathing, but couldn't find it, confirming his death. He turned to Raven.

"Raven, you and Cyborg take Beast Boy outside and try to calm him down. Starfire and I will stay here and handle this, as well as finish our search of the room. We'll be back out as soon as possible," Robin said to her, concern flooding his voice. He wasn't mad at Beast Boy for the death; he knew it wasn't his fault. But a death was not to be taken lightly, and they had to handle the situation properly.

Raven nodded and walked over to Cyborg, informing him of the orders. Cyborg picked up Beast Boy, who was violently shaking with terror and disbelief at this point. Incoherent screams came from his mouth as he left the room, but he no longer struggled to get free.

They soon got outside and reached the grassy area next to the waterfall. Cyborg located a tree and sat against it, still holding the panicked Beast Boy in his arms. Beast Boy's hands were tightly clenched, and his whole body was stiff and shaky. Raven sat in front of him and took his arms to examine the knife wounds that he had received. He had two deep gashes on each arm, as well as a few smaller wounds. They were still bleeding, but nowhere near life threatening. His uniform was soaked with both his and Register's blood, though. She used her powers to heal the wounds, stopping their blood flow.

Cyborg leaned the boy against him, trying to calm him down. Raven assisted in trying to calm him down by sitting in front and holding his hands. She removed the blood soaked gloves and placed them to the side. She ran her thumb in a circle over his hand to try to soothe him. They sat there like that silently for a few minutes, the only sounds being Beast Boy's sobs and incoherent mumbles.

"I didn't mean to do it…," Beast Boy eventually muttered, barely audible, his voice strained from the screams and cries.

"We know," Raven said to him calmly.

"It's okay," Cyborg calmly added. They all knew that the situation was far from okay, but the reassurance was mildly helpful nonetheless.

Beast Boy was far from relaxed or calm, but he was the most stable that he had been since the incident. His crying had nearly ended, but his body was still tense and shook slightly. They had only seen their friend so panicked at one other point, and that was when he had attempted to kill himself just a few months earlier as Garfield. It scared them to see him like that, and it brought back those memories full force for them.

Soon, Robin and Starfire emerged from the waterfall and walked over to join the solemn teens. The two of them silently knelt down next to them. Starfire's eyes were red and puffy from crying, and Robin's expression could only be described as one filled with grief. Robin was carrying a stack of paper with him.

"We were able to gather some information from the lab. They're records and documentations regarding the infections. We also covered the body for it to be properly handled at a later time," Robin informed, his voice quiet and monotone. "We'll need to inform Abioye about what happened and share with him what information we gathered, but that can wait until morning." He noted the blackened night sky overhead. "We should head back to the campsite now, for the rest of the night."

Robin and Starfire stood up, soon followed by Raven, who picked up Beast Boy's bloodied gloves. She would try to wash them out later, but doubted that they would ever be clean again. Cyborg stood up with Beast Boy. When the green boy tried to stand up, his shaky legs gave out underneath him. Cyborg barely caught him before he hit the ground. Not willing to let the boy walk all the way back to the campsite in the condition he was in, he picked him up and rested him over his shoulder and carried him that way. Beast Boy, too weak and too emotionally drained to care, reluctantly allowed it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 10! Hope you enjoy! :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I know :( That was a painful chapter to write, with all the tragedy and sadness, but quite necessary. I hope you enjoyed it though! :)**

 **PSI-Triforce: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story too; there's a lot to come! Don't worry! It wasn't a sucky review and I really appreciate the review :)**

 **RPGPersona: The meeting is definitely a challenging one for all of them, but is especially taxing for Beast Boy. I figured, with him being a scientist who worked with Beast Boy's parents and coincidently BB's cure, he would be able to somewhat easily come up with a cure, whereas the villagers would likely be unable to do so. Since they can't come up with a cure, it's a relatively quick and easy way for him to wipe out a population. I kept debating between a knife and a gun, and although a knife is a generally weaker weapon choice, I felt it worked better in this story. I tried to make his, for lack of a better term, 'breakdown' as panicked and as extreme as possible, and I hope that came across well. I find it difficult to explain emotionally charged scenes such as this accurately. I hoped the calming scene worked well too. It was definitely an interesting scene to write. I hope you enjoyed the incident/chapter! :)**

 **BartWLewis: Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and hope you continue to enjoy it :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing!**

* * *

When the sleepless team gathered in the morning, there was near silence. They were all still pretty shaken up from the previous night's events. After they had gotten back to the campsite, they had gone to their respective compartments. Cyborg dropped Beast Boy off in Raven's compartment, too worried to let him be alone. At that point, Beast Boy had been done crying and shaking. Rather, he was completely silent and somewhat unresponsive to everyone and everything despite being perfectly conscious. Everyone then settled in for what became a restless night, only to be awoken a few hours later by the blinding sun.

"I reviewed the papers we gathered last night. It's 100% confirmed that Register was behind the outbreak. He wrote in his documentations that he managed to genetically alter the virus to spread it more rapidly. The silver collars that were found in the lab and that were reported by victims allowed him to control the monkeys who carried the virus, which then allowed him to spread the virus that way in addition to the injections. Since this is a genetically altered version of the virus, it may be more complex to cure, or perhaps even impossible. There were no documentations that spoke of a cure or treatment, but I did find logistical data that explains the altered virus more in depth," Robin explained, his voice solemn. He handed the logistical data to Cyborg, knowing that he would be able to properly analyze it. "We need to go to the village and alert Abioye to what happened. He needs to be aware."

The team noticeably tensed up, especially Beast Boy, knowing that that conversation was going to be a tough one. Even though Register's death was completely by accident, they felt like there was going to be backlash. The villagers weren't fond of the team, and they definitely weren't fond of Beast Boy, so this wasn't going to go well.

Cyborg studied the sheets that Robin had handed him, transferring the information to himself so that he could study it faster. Soon, he let out a disheartened grunt.

"I don't even know where to begin to treat it, let alone cure it. I kept hitting road blocks when I was studying it a day ago, but I couldn't figure out why. Now that I understand that it was modified, I don't think it's curable. The data on it doesn't allow it to be curable," Cyborg explained, disappointment coating his words.

"Is there truly nothing that we can do?" Starfire started, equally upset at the news, "Surely there must be something. They are suffering greatly."

"I wish there was, Star, but I don't think there is. It was nearly impossible to cure before, but since being modified, it just may be completely impossible now," Cyborg responded.

Robin appeared to be deep in thought before responding.

"Well, we knew from the start that curing it was going to be a longshot. Our main goal was stopping the spread of infection, and we succeeded. No more people can be injected with the virus, and the monkeys that were under his control are no longer under his control. Those monkeys are still out there and can still infect, but it's under their own will, which we can't stop. If we can't cure it, we can't cure it. But at least we tried," he said, trying to comfort his team. It seemed to provide them with some ease, but it still upset them that they couldn't save the victims. "We should go ahead and go to the village. The sooner we let Abioye know, the better." The teens nodded, stood up, and proceeded to head towards the village.

Their walk there was slower than normal. They were really dreading that conversation, and although walking slower just simply postponed it, it was preferable to facing it head on. Despite their slow walking, they eventually reached the village and had to find Abioye.

Like always, they were welcomed with the judgmental and fearful stares of the villagers, as well as the occasional slur. They had learned to ignore it, or at least ignore it as much as possible. Raven glanced down at Beast Boy, knowing that he still hadn't spoken a word since yesterday. She couldn't imagine what he must be going through right now, but she could feel intense pain and guilt radiating off of him. She reached for his hand and took it, startling him out of his pained trance. He looked up briefly at her. Where a small smile used to grace his face at moments of comfort like this, stood instead a pair of darkened eyes and a troubled frown. In another attempt to lighten his spirits, Raven offered a small smile herself, but it was unreturned. Rather, he returned his dead gaze back to the ground below him.

They soon located Abioye and were greeted in his usual manner.

"Greetings," the village leader said to them as they approached, "how was your search yesterday?"

The Titans, save for Beast Boy, all looked at one another before settling their gazes on Robin.

"Actually, that is what we needed to discuss with you," Robin said to the man, his voice feeling hesitant. "Something happened yesterday when we went."

"What is it?" Abioye asked, a serious expression now covering his face.

"Uh, it's more of a private conversation. Is there somewhere else where we could speak with you privately?" Robin requested.

"No," Abioye said strongly, "If there is something you need to tell me, you can tell me openly. What you have to say shall not be kept secret from my people." At this point, a small crowd had started to form around the Titans and Abioye, becoming increasingly more interested in the conversation.

"Uh, well, first of all, we confirmed that Dr. Register was in fact behind this all. We found his lab and we found documentations about the Sakutia outbreak. He mutated the virus to make it easier to spread, through both injections and monkey bites. The virus can now no longer be spread, or at least not in an unnatural way like it was. Since the virus was mutated, though, it appears to be incurable. Those already infected can't be saved," Robin explained.

"Did you find Dr. Register?" Abioye asked.

"Well, about that," Robin started before he was interrupted.

"How can you say that the virus can no longer spread if you have not located Dr. Register?" Abioye interjected, assuming that Robin's lack of a clear answer meant that he had not been located.

"The virus can no longer be spread because….because Dr. Register is dead," Robin said, bringing even more attention to the group than there had been previously.

"You found him dead?" Abioye interrogated sternly.

"Not exactly, uh-," Robin tried to explain again, but was cut off.

"So you killed him?" Abioye challenged.

"Please, just let me explain - ," Robin pleaded, but Abioye and the villagers weren't having any of it.

"How dare you murder an innocent man?!" Abioye roared, stunning the teens with his choice of words.

"Innocent? Innocent! He was murdering your children! He was far from innocent!" Cyborg yelled, choosing to no longer remain silent.

"Dr. Register was a respected man in this village, and he has been here for many years. Yes, he has made some questionable choices, but he was still an esteemed member of our society," Abioye continued.

The teens were absolutely dumbfounded. How could this man say that Register was innocent? He was not a man who even deserved respect, let alone one to be considered respectable and esteemed.

The villagers that had surrounded the teens were murmuring ferociously, becoming angry at the news of Register's death. Suddenly, one lunged out at Beast Boy, tackling him to the ground. It was the same man who had attacked him on the first day that they had arrived.

"Mimi niliwaambia angeweza kuleta laana juu kijiji chetu ! Yeye ni muuaji ! Yeye ni mmoja kuwajibika !" the man yelled as he pushed all his weight on Beast Boy, who looked up at his attacker with wide eyes. _(I told you he would bring a curse upon our village! He is a murderer! He is the one responsible!)_

"Tafadhali , kuacha! Huwezi kuelewa !" Beast Boy yelled, trying to defend himself. _(Please, stop! You don't understand!)_

"Hakuna kitu kuelewa! Wewe ni taka machukizo ya maisha. Natumaini msiba hatma sawa na wazazi wako. Wewe kuleta kitu lakini maumivu na mateso !" the man yelled hatefully. _(There is nothing to understand! You are a disgusting waste of life. I hope you befall the same fate as your parents. You bring nothing but pain and suffering!)_

Beast Boy, unable to respond, just looked up at the man. He felt as if his soul was being drained from his body.

"Kuondoka. Sasa . Mimi ili wewe kujiondoa na kusababisha machafuko hayo na kurudi kwa familia yako mara moja," Abioye stated sternly. The man looked up at him, grumbled something, and got up off of Beast Boy. He spit at the boy on the ground before stomping off. _(Leave. Now. I order you to quit causing such chaos and return to your family at once.)_

Before he knew it, Cyborg and Raven were helping up Beast Boy, who was still in a daze from what had just happened. Cyborg leaned over and whispered to him.

"What did he say to you?" he asked, concerned at the obviously hurt expression on his younger friend's face. Beast Boy simply shook his head, refusing to answer. The three of them returned to the rest of the Titans, facing Abioye once again.

"You shall leave this village immediately and never return. You have completed your mission, therefore you have completed your time here. And you," Abioye said, focusing on Beast Boy, "Remember, if you ever return, you will be executed. Leave. Now." Abioye then turned and walked away from the teens, and the rest of the villagers followed suite. The teens stood there in disbelief, not believing Abioye and the villager's complete lack of understanding about the situation. Robin then turned to his team.

"Beast Boy, are you okay?" he asked. Beast Boy simply nodded, refusing to speak. "On that note, we should leave. We don't want to possibly cause any more altercations, or worse." The teens nodded in agreement, and proceeded to head out of the village and back to their campsite.

Beast Boy trailed in the back alone. He even avoided Raven and Cyborg. The team took notice of this, but decided not to bring it up. Beast Boy had been through a lot on this trip, and the last thing he needed right now was to be suffocated by his friends. They knew that he needed his space, so they would give it to him unless the situation became dire.

They soon reached the camp, and just as easily as Cyborg had set up the camp, he took it down. Within an hour, they were all packed up and ready to leave. Each teen got into their respective section of the T-ship, and they took off. As they left, Beast Boy stared out his window, watching the terrain of his original home get smaller and smaller before ultimately leaving his view, knowing that it very well may be the last time that he ever saw it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 11! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: They are! I tried to make them as horrible as possible without being completely ridiculous, and I'm glad that's coming across well. Luckily, most people aren't like that in life! And I know; it's really hard to write about bad things happening to a character, but totally necessary. I don't think a suicide attempt would be egotistical; having friends and loved ones doesn't prevent suicide or suicidal behavior/thoughts. But, then again, everyone who is in that kind of situation has different purposes behind it, so I suppose some people would have that purpose. I'm glad you're enjoying my story, and I hope you continue to enjoy it! There's still a lot of story to go, and I'm so excited to continue to post :)**

 **DarkDremora4: The villagers are quite irrational and overall just horrible people; I'm glad that I was able to write their part and get that feeling across as that is what I was going for. With this chapter especially, I wanted to make their ridiculousness reach a whole new level, and I think that has come across well. The story is a little less than half way over, so there's a lot to come. Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying the story and I hope the rest is just as exciting for you! And don't worry about it; it lets me know that I'm getting my readers to feel the emotions I was wanting to portray, so I actually quite enjoy reading rants :)**

 **RPGPersona: I agree; finding a treatment, much less a cure, would have been exceedingly difficult, but they had to try regardless. Despite not knowing his purpose for doing what he did, at least it's done and cannot be continued. And I know; I hated making BB have such a hard time, and having so much hate directed to him, but I felt like it was necessary for this story. No one deserves such treatment. It'll certainly be a difficult task; the mission was exceptionally troublesome for him. I hope you continue to enjoy the story :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it :)**

* * *

The ride home in the T-ship was a long and silent one. No one was very willing to speak after the events that had occurred in the last 24 hours. Between the whole Dr. Register incident, Beast Boy's breakdown, and the whole angry tribal incident, the team was tired of drama and altercations, to say the least. And even if they had wanted to have a conversation on the way back home, what would they have talked about? Everything was still much too raw, and it wouldn't be an appropriate place to hold that conversation that would likely need to eventually come. So, they mostly sat in silence for the long duration of the flight, finally landing back in Jump City in the late afternoon.

When the team landed, they got out of the T-ship and went to retrieve their luggage.

"It is so lovely to finally be back home again! I have missed it dearly," Starfire said, trying to lighten the mood as she stretched.

"Yeah. Feels like it's been forever since we've been back here," Cyborg added, pulling down another suitcase from the storage compartment.

"I cannot wait to see my dearest Silkie! I have missed my little Bumgorf so much!" Starfire beamed, elated at the thought of being reunited with the mutant larvae.

Finally, all the suitcases were loaded out of the T-ship, and it was locked back up.

"Friend Beast Boy, would you like to do the visiting of Silkie with me? I'm sure he would be the thrilled to see you-," Starfire said, her words trailing off slowly at the end as she turned to where the green changeling had been standing mere seconds ago. She heard the sound of a rolling suitcase and turned to the doorway, where she and the other Titans saw Beast Boy leaving the garage and heading up to the rest of the tower. "Beast Boy?" Starfire went to go fly after him, but was stopped when a hand rested on her shoulder; it was Cyborg's.

"Maybe we should just let him be for the time being. This trip has been hell for him, and after the whole Register incident…," Cyborg said, remembering the way his friend had reacted to the death, "he probably just needs some time alone." Cyborg hated to see his best friend in so much pain. It honestly scared him to see him breakdown like he had experienced right after the Register incident, and he knew that Beast Boy must feel horrible about the whole thing.

Starfire looked upset. She knew her young friend was in great pain, but she didn't want to leave him alone. She wanted to make him the pudding of sadness and travel to the mall of shopping with him and do whatever she could to alleviate his pain. But she understood that he also needed his time, so she would allow that to happen. For now.

The rest of the team gathered their luggage and made their way up to their rooms to unpack and get resettled. It was a major relief to be back home, and they all felt like they could finally breathe a calming sigh of relief. All but Beast Boy, that is.

As soon as the changeling had left the garage, he went straight up to his room, practically running to get there. Once his bedroom door closed and locked behind him, he collapsed to the floor, his back against his door. He held his head in his hands and stared at the floor before him as his breathing got shallower and quicker. He felt so overwhelmed at everything that had happened on the trip, and although he had been feeling the pain throughout the trip, it was all hitting him all at once now. The pain and panic he felt in his chest was ridiculously intense, and he felt like his chest and head were about to explode. He could feel the tension rising in his body, threatening to break him into a million little pieces.

 _I knew I wouldn't have been accepted in the village. How could I have been so stupid?!_

Beast Boy remembered all of the hurtful words that had been spoken to him, and all the violent outbursts against him.

 _I should've know that they would have dragged my friends down with the hate too. I shouldn't have been so ignorant._

He remembered how his friends were treated poorly simply by being associated with the green changeling.

 _How could I have expected to save all those children? It's incurable! I'm just some mutant who was able to survive by a freakish turn of events…_

He remembered all the sick and dying children in the medical facility. He remembered watching the children die right in front of him, and knowing just how much gut-wrenching pain they were in. And he couldn't do a damn thing about it. He could just watch them as they took their last breaths, knowing that they were going to a better place.

He could feel the pressure rising and rising in his veins, becoming more and more unbearable as the time passed. Even though all this had happened in a matter of seconds, it felt like hours to Beast Boy. Many long, painful hours. His teeth clenched down and grinded against one another as if that would somehow stop the ache dwelling up inside him. Of course, it only added to the heaviness he felt.

He suddenly stood up and began to sloppily walk towards his desk. His eyes had tears lining them, blurring his vision. He ruffled through his desk drawers in a desperate search. He knew he needed this. He didn't care what it meant. He didn't care what it'd do. He just needed it, and he needed it now.

He remembered when he was fighting Register back in the lab. Register pulled the knife on him, shocking the entire team. When he lunged it down at him, he braced his face from the blade's impact. It, instead, sliced through his arms, causing the skin to break smoothly and for the warm, warm blood to drip through. Although he hadn't realized it at the time in the heat of the moment, the knife slice had triggered something within him. Ever since that dreaded moment where that blade broke his skin, he had craved it. That craving only grew more and more intense as time went on and as his agony amplified in intensity.

Soon, he found what he was looking for. It was a small, blue pencil sharpener, rarely used, if ever at all. He threw it down at his desk with all his might, his fist shattering the plastic prison surrounding the silver release. He unscrewed the blade from the contraption and discarded the now unusable plastic remains.

He stared at the blade briefly. He saw how it glistened ever so slightly in the lights of the room. Or, perhaps, it was just his tears glistening instead. He didn't know, and frankly, he didn't care.

He pulled his sleeve up, exposing his old, scarred, green skin. His once smooth skin was littered with old, bumpy scars. Some of the more shallow scars had faded to an odd white color, but the deeper ones had remained a dark greenish purple color. The most prominent scars he saw, though, still belonged to his wrists. Two deep vertical gashes to each wrist from when he was a young child. It should have killed him. But, of course, no. Random strangers had to come by in the jungle and save him. He remembers waking up in a pool of his own blood with those strangers looking down on him. His wrists had been poorly patched up, but patched up nonetheless. The strangers had saved him, and Beast Boy still hadn't decided after all these years if he was grateful or not. In this moment, though, he was not grateful. Not at all.

He broke from his memory and remembered where he was. He pressed the blade down on his wrist and started to slice away at it. Having not done it in years, he was not used to the pain it brought. He started shallow, not having the energy to go any deeper. The first few cuts came slowly, each one requiring thought. After those few though, they came more and more rapidly, and soon his green wrist was red and stinging. Despite the burning pain, he felt relief. He sat down on the ground, his back to his desk, and watched the blood drip from his wrist. He didn't go deep enough to put him in the hospital, let alone kill him. Just enough to relieve the pain temporarily.

He felt his eyes growing drowsy. He got up and hid the blade in his desk.

 _They can't find out about this. They can't know I do this…_

He had never told the team about his past with self-harm and depression, and he had definitely never told them about his suicide attempt as a child. If they, specifically Cyborg, had ever noticed his arms when he was in the med-bay, they never mentioned it. All heroes had battle scars littering their body, so perhaps his weren't even in question as something more. They must've had no idea, and he wanted to keep it that way.

He cleaned up the blood on his wrist, but didn't bother to bandage it. It was mostly done bleeding anyway, and he didn't care if it stained his clothing or his sheets. They were, for the most part, too dark to show the potential blood stains anyways.

He looked at his suitcase that sat against the wall next to his door. Unpacking could wait until tomorrow. He just couldn't do it now. He climbed into bed on the top bunk, the only bunk he ever really slept on, and buried himself under the piles of blankets and drifted off into a restless sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 12! Hope you enjoy!**

 **I think I mentioned it with Childlike, but I don't believe I've mentioned it in Regress yet. If you are triggered by themes such as self-harm, suicide, etc...please use caution if you choose to read. I don't want to trigger or persuade people into these habits. This is a Trigger Warning for those topics and related topics.**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I wouldn't say that it's stupid to self-harm, but misleading instead. True, they think it helps even though it doesn't, but still. That, in my opinion, is more of a misunderstanding or a misleading notion rather than foolishness. It definitely has the potential to be addicting, but it doesn't always lead to death. Although self-harmers have statistically higher rates of suicide and suicide attempts, self-harm in and of itself is not an attempt to kill oneself. But I agree wholeheartedly that self-harm is not a safe or healthy way to deal with problems. Although relying on friends and loved ones is not a cure-all for depression or self-harm, it's definitely a good support system. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story, and I hope you continue to enjoy it! :)**

 **xXBlackBloodAngelXx: Thank you so much! And I'm glad that the angst and overall emotion has come through well; I find it difficult to express emotions, especially more complex ones such as pain. And I'm glad the self-harm scene was conveyed well; those kind of scenes are very difficult to write, and it's very difficult to convey the true pain of the situation. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you continue to enjoy the story :)**

 **PRGPersona: Yes, he's unfortunately in a pretty bad state. I think it'd be hard for his friends to know what to do in said situation; it can be hard to know if you should give them space or not. And yeah, he doesn't remember, but the other Titans very well do. And that's definitely something that they associate, but still don't know how to deal with it. That will be explained more in upcoming chapters though :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing; I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

All of the Titans, with the exception of one, had had the most restful night last night than they had had since the beginning of the mission. It still hadn't been the best night ever though; they were still shaken up over the incidents of the mission, and they were concerned about their friend's odd behavior. They understood that he must be taking the death very hard; even though it wasn't Beast Boy's fault, he had still, in a way, caused a man's death. That man was by no means innocent and probably deserved the death he received, but they knew it would still weigh heavily on the green shapeshifter's conscience.

The four Titans gathered in the Main-Ops room to get breakfast and to get resettled into their normal, daily routines. All had been going normal that morning despite recent events. Raven and Robin were, of course, the first ones up at the crack of dawn, and they were soon followed by Cyborg and Starfire. Breakfast and herbal teas were consumed and the four teens went about their individual activities. By early afternoon though, they knew all was not normal.

"Friends, have any of you seen Beast Boy today?" Starfire asked, noticing the absence of her friend's laughter that she had come to know quite well. The teens exchanged glances with one another.

Beast Boy was always up by this time. He hadn't even come down for breakfast, let alone his bacon vs. tofu debates with Cyborg. The teens took notice of this.

"No, haven't seen him since we got home yesterday," Cyborg responded, then glanced at Raven.

"I have not seen him either," the empath said, setting her herbal tea down on the table before standing up. "I'll go check on him." She then left the Main-Ops room in search for her boyfriend.

She soon arrived at his door and knocked softly. She had heard some rustling of some sorts, but it stopped as soon as she knocked. Getting otherwise no response, she knocked again, this time louder.

"Beast Boy? It's me. Can I come in?" she asked through the door. There was a brief silence before she heard his response.

"Just a second, Rae," he called back, his voice seeming off. She heard more rustling, as if something was being rearranged.

Within a few seconds, the door opened, revealing a disheveled looking Beast Boy.

"Hey," he said, stepping to the side to allow her in.

Raven walked in slowly. She knew something was up with him; something just felt wrong. She heard the door close behind her as she made her way to his bed, taking a seat on the bottom bunk. She turned and looked at him. He was still standing at the doorway, and he looked like he was spacing out. His green hair was messy and unkempt, and he had indented lines covering his face, suggesting he had just recently gotten up from bed. He looked tired in everything he did. His voice, his movement, his expression. She knew that he hadn't had a good night.

"Beast Boy," she said, retrieving him back from daydreaming, "come take a seat." She patted the space on the bed next to her. Slowly, he made his way over to her.

She knew there was something off about him. This was so unlike him, and it concerned her greatly.

"How did you sleep last night?" she asked, even though she knew the answer.

"Fine," he lied. He was staring into space towards his desk rather than making eye contact with her. She lightly grabbed him by the chin and turned his head so that he was facing her.

"Doesn't seem like it was fine. You look tired," she countered. He looked defeated, caught in a lie. "You're usually up and out by now. Is something up?" She knew it was a stupid question. Of course something was up with him, and she knew it revolved around the whole Register incident. But she still needed to ask.

"I'm just…tired," Beast Boy started, "It's hard to sleep."

Now she was getting somewhere, or at least she hoped she was.

"Does this have anything to do with what happened on the mission?" she asked.

He visually tensed up at the mention of the mission. She knew that she needed to tread these waters lightly. That mission was ridiculously hard on him, and the whole team knew that.

Beast Boy took a moment to gather his thoughts before he responded. Slowly, he began to nod.

"I still can't believe that… _that_ …happened," he said, trailing off. His voice was quiet and weak, very unlike his usual chipper attitude. "It doesn't feel real, but I know that it is."

Raven set a hand on his back.

"You know it's okay, right? It's not your fault. None of us are upset with you, not even Robin," she tried to reassure him.

He returned his glance to the desk, effectively avoiding her gaze.

"It's not okay, Rae," he said, his voice even softer than before, "None of this is okay."

She rubbed his back to try to comfort him even though she knew it would do little good in cleansing his conscience.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

He shook his head almost immediately.

"No…no…," he said, trailing off, "at least not now."

As an empath, Raven could feel a deep pain resonating from within the boy. She could feel his extreme guilt and all the bottled up hurt. She felt something else as well, something equally if not more painful, but she couldn't place what it was. It felt familiar.

"Okay. Whenever you do want to talk about it, just let me know, alright? I'm here for you. All of us are," she responded, pulling him in for a hug. They sat there silently for a few moments in their embrace, taking in each other's body heat and affection.

"Thanks, Rae," he said, still embracing her, "I'll, um, be down in a moment. I just got to do a few things."

"Alright," she said, pulling from the hug. They both stood up and walked towards the door. Before Raven left, she turned to him. "I almost forgot," she said, pulling two items out of her cloak and handing them to him. "I thought you may want these." She then turned and left the room, Beast Boy watching as she left before silently closing the door.

Beast Boy looked at the two items in his hands. One was the medical journal that Cyborg had found back in Register's lab. It had his father's journalings written throughout it, both about medical matters and personal matters. The other was an old, small photo of Beast Boy and his parents. He was very young in the photo, not even green yet. He was standing, or rather swinging, between his parents, dangling from their arms. They all looked so happy, so unaware of what was about to happen to them.

He set the photo on the nightstand next to his bed. Although he didn't have a frame yet, he intended to get one for the photo. He also intended to read through the journal as thoroughly as possible. He set it down on the nightstand as well.

As he had told Raven, he would be down in a moment. Despite not having had eaten in close to 24 hours, he was only feeling somewhat hungry, but it was enough encouragement to get him out of his dark, messy room. But first, he headed towards his desk, knowing that something had to be done before he could leave.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 13! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I'm sorry to hear about that; I know how hard depression can be and I hope you start to feel better soon! Cutting definitely doesn't solve anything; I really wish it wasn't a thing, but unfortunately it's a big aspect of many peoples' lives. The support of his friends, especially Raven, would be fantastic for him! I hope you're enjoying the story, and that you continue to enjoy it :)**

 **RPGPersona: Definitely, yeah; the entire situation was kinda a recipe for disaster. I think it was a good idea too, and a somewhat cute moment. It's hard to add BBRae moments, especially cute BBRae moments, in a sad fanfic. And definitely; if the others had enhanced smell, his secret would be out quickly. Hope you're enjoying and continue to enjoy the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! :)**

* * *

The team was still gathered down in the Main Ops room. Cyborg was loudly playing the game station; he was playing some sort of racing game where his player zoomed down an industrial-looking path. The game suddenly made a loud 'boom' and 'crash' noise as he pushed his computer-generated opponent into the wall, effectively causing the metal man to win.

"Boo-yah!" he bellowed at the screen, a smirk covering his face.

"Friend Cyborg," Starfire started, "that game looks most interesting! May I join you?"

"Sure thing, Star!" Cyborg responded as he got another controller set up so that she could join.

Starfire floated from the kitchen to the couch and sat next to Cyborg. She had attempted to create another Tamaranean dish mere minutes ago in the kitchen, but found that she did not have the proper ingredients to do so. She settled, instead, for a yellow cake with an alarming amount of mustard in it. It was safe to say that she would be the only one eating it.

Cyborg handed Starfire a controller and began to teach her how to play the game. She was always fascinated with the games that he and Beast Boy played, but rarely participated herself.

As Cyborg and Starfire went over basic game controls, Raven sat in the kitchen and read a book. Although it was hard to read over the excessive questioning and the overwhelming mustard scent filling the air, she managed to enjoy the story.

Robin, like always, was in his office, probably going over case files or something of the sort. He wasn't really one for chilling in his free time, and felt it best used instead by work.

Soon, the doors to the Main Ops room opened up, revealing a still disheveled looking Beast Boy. Cyborg and Starfire were too wrapped up in their activity to notice the changeling, but Raven immediately noticed his presence. Beast Boy walked over to Raven and sat down next to her silently. She looked over at him and his tired eyes.

"Glad to see you out," she said, keeping her voice low as to not interrupt the excitable teenagers on the couch. "You should probably get some food."

Beast Boy slowly shook his head before verbally declining.

"I'm not that hungry," he said. He did feel some hunger pains, but they weren't anything intense. He didn't feel like eating, to be completely truthful.

Raven, not accepting his answer, reached out with her magic and pulled an apple towards Beast Boy.

"You should eat," she repeated, placing the apple in front of him, "you haven't eaten in over 24 hours now."

Reluctantly, Beast Boy picked up the apple and slowly started nibbling through it. Raven resumed to her reading, allowing the changeling to sluggishly consume the fruit in peace.

An enthusiastic scream erupted from the couch, bringing the couple's attention to that area of the room. Starfire was twirling in the air with a large grin covering her face, and she was squealing.

"Friend Cyborg! I am victorious! I have kicked the butt!" she further squealed.

Cyborg's face showed nothing short of utter surprise, not expecting Starfire to beat him at his beloved game.

"Uh, yeah, Star…great job!" he pushed his shocked expression away and replaced it with one of shared excitement, feeling Starfire's joy starting to rub off on him.

Starfire grabbed the metal man into a tight hug, causing gasps of breath to come from a suffocating Cyborg. Before he could alert the girl to the deathly hug, the kitchen timer beeped loudly.

"Oooh! My cake is ready!" she squealed, dropping Cyborg back to the couch and racing off to the kitchen. There, she saw Beast Boy sitting next to Raven, a half-eaten apple lazily resting in his hand. "Friend Beast Boy! You're finally up!" She pulled the odd mustard cake out of the oven and set it on the counter. "Would you like a slice? You must be very hungry!"

Beast Boy stared in horror at the cake before him, knowing that Raven and Cyborg must have the same terror in their hearts.

"Uh, no thanks, Star. Not really hungry," Beast Boy said.

By this time, Cyborg had made his way over to the kitchen too.

"Not hungry?" Cyborg started, "You're telling me you haven't eaten in over 24 hours, and you're not hungry? Now I know you must be lyin', grass stain."

Beast Boy shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. I just don't feel hungry. Besides, I ate an apple," he said, showing Cyborg the remaining apple core.

Cyborg grumbled silently, knowing he wasn't going to be able to force food into his friend.

"Not really a meal, but fine. You will be eatin' dinner though, and I'll make sure of it!" Cyborg continued. "Well, I got to go clean up my baby!" he said, referring to the T-car. The large grin on his face at the thought of his pride and joy faltered ever so slightly as he got a big waft of mustard in his nose. At that, he hastily left the room.

Starfire joyfully ate a slice of the cake, obviously enjoying her mustardy creation. She cut another slice out of the cake and placed it on a small plate before storing the rest of the cake in the fridge for later.

"I must go tend to my Silkie now!" Starfire beamed, "Please, friends, help yourself to the cake in the fridge if you wish to consume some!" She then flew out of the room to go feed and tend to Silkie, leaving just Raven and Beast Boy in the room. As soon as the doors shut behind Starfire, Raven set down her book and turned to Beast Boy.

"Do you, by chance, want to talk about it now?" she asked him, referring to their prior conversation. She knew that the mission and what had happened with Register was eating at his soul, but he was, of course, being stubborn about it.

Beast Boy shook his head.

Raven stared at him, unsure of how to continue. She knew that he needed to talk about it desperately, and she would make sure that they would eventually discuss it, one way or another. But, for the moment, she decided to let it go. She didn't want to force it on him while it was still fresh in his mind; that may be too painful and too raw for him at the moment.

"Okay," she said, looking him square in the eyes, "but we will talk about this eventually, alright?"

To that, Beast Boy nodded before standing up.

"I know," he said, throwing the apple core into the garbage can. "I think I'm going to head back to my room. I'm getting tired." Before Raven could respond, he turned and left the room, leaving the empath alone in the kitchen.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello everyone! Here's Chapter 14! Hope you enjoy! :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: Still, I hope you're doing okay and continue to do okay! And same; I definitely wanted to show Raven helping him out and being very caring towards him, and I'm glad that that is coming across well! :)**

 **RPGPersona: Beast Boy is definitely in a difficult and painful situation, and one that leads to a lot of extra pain. And Raven isn't sure how to continue with the situation; it can be hard for people to know what to do in a situation like this, especially when they're not completely sure what's wrong, and I wanted to portray that :)**

 **Blurble: I'm glad you enjoyed Childlike and now Regress! And sorry about the irregular updates; this past week of school has been hectic because fall break starts tomorrow, so teachers are having tests and projects due. I promise to continue to update as regularly as I can though :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it!**

* * *

The five teens were sitting on the couch in the Main Ops room watching the television as the rain poured outside. On the large screen before them was a news cast. The news casters, one of which was an overly perky blonde woman and the other a pun-filled bald man, were discussing the latest news stories of Jump City. At the moment, they were talking about the traffic jams and construction in the area and how that was slowing commuting times.

The teens were barely listening to it though; it acted more so as a background noise. Starfire was caring for her Silkie and snuggling the mutant larvae. Cyborg was explaining his ideas about new Titan vehicles and upgrades to Robin, who seemed intrigued about the idea of new Titan transportation. Raven and Beast Boy, sitting furthest away from the other Titans, were cuddled up with one another as they watched the rain and listen to the thunder of the storm outside. Raven found focusing on the storm was somewhat meditative for her, whereas Beast Boy found it to be a calming distraction.

She really enjoyed Beast Boy's presence next to her. The intimacy was still new to her, but she found that she quite liked it. She remembered when she and Beast Boy had first discovered that they liked each other, and she reminisced in the memory.

 _Raven had been sitting in the kitchen drinking an herbal tea. She had had a difficult time sleeping, and decided to just get up earlier than normal. She usually had a sunrise to watch as she sipped on her daily morning tea, but today, she was accompanied by the stars. It was peaceful, to an extent, but also quite lonely._

 _The doors to the Main Ops room swooshed open and Beast Boy walked in, a wide-mouthed yawn escaping his throat. He walked towards the kitchen, rubbing his tired eyes, and jumping slightly when he found himself in front of Raven._

 _"Oh, hey Rae. It's a bit early. What are you doing up?" he asked her._

 _"I could ask you the same thing," she said to him, taking another sip of her tea. "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to just go ahead and start my day."_

 _"I couldn't sleep either. Seemed pointless to stay in bed for a few more hours when I'm wide awake," he laughed as he walked over to the fridge and pulled out some left over tofu waffles. He began to eat them cold, not even bothering to heat them up or set them on a plate._

 _He walked over and took a seat across from the empath. As he took the last few bites of his cold waffles, he found himself staring at Raven. He studied her features, admiring them for all of her beauty. Raven, of course, noticed his gawking and called him out on it._

 _"Are you done staring yet?" she asked, shocking him out of his trance. He felt a blush creep up on his cheeks, and soon his face was visibly red, even in the dark._

 _"Oh, uh, sorry about that Rae," he laughed. She noticed how his eyes squinted as he laughed, and how he put his hand behind his neck and rubbed it nervously. She thought it was a cute habit. "I was just looking. You know, you're really beautiful."_

 _Now, it was Raven's turn to blush boldly. It was rare that she was complemented on her appearance, much less from the mouth of the changeling._

 _"I – what?" she stuttered, her shock evident._

 _"I think you're really beautiful, Rae," he said again, a shy smile appearing on his face._

 _"Oh, well, thank you," she said, "you're quite handsome yourself."_

 _"It's the ears, isn't it?" Beast Boy laughed as he wiggled his ears back and forth. This caused Raven to laugh, something that sounded like pure and absolute music to Beast Boy's ears. "Ha! I finally got you to laugh!"_

 _Raven smiled, although she tried desperately to hide it. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, her cheeks still a light, rosy pink. Beast Boy fiddled with his thumbs and continued to study her features._

 _"Raven," he asked, drawing her attention back to him, "would you be open to going to the movies with me? Or somewhere? You can decide where, if ya want."_

 _"Uhm...sure. I would like...that would be…nice. I would enjoy that," she responded, her rosy blush intensifying again._

 _"Great! So it's a date?" Beast Boy asked, his face beaming with happiness. Raven simply nodded, a smile forming on her face as well. They spent the rest of the morning talking and sharing stories with one another, watching the stars fade into the sunrise._

Raven blushed happily at the memory and leaned her body in closer to him. Beast Boy's arm was resting over Raven shoulders, and Raven's hand rested on Beast Boy's thigh. Soon, she removed her hand as a whole, and instead took a single finger and started to lightly trace patterns on his leg. He immediately perked up at this, and she leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. They locked eyes.

"Would you like to come to my room?" Raven said softly into Beast Boy's ear.

A small smile graced his face as a response. Raven then stood up and grabbed his hand, pulling him up with her. They left the room quickly, and without notice from the other teens in the room.

They walked through the halls, faster than normal, soon coming to Raven's door. They quickly slid in, making sure the door was closed and locked behind them. Raven pressed Beast Boy up against the now closed door, her hands resting firmly on his chest. They kissed passionately, their lips gracing each other's lips and necks. Raven bit Beast Boy's ear, knowing that he liked that a lot. Beast Boy's breath hitched in his throat, confirming his enjoyment.

Smiling, his fang pointing out seductively, Beast Boy wrapped his hands and arms around Raven's waist, pulling her body closer to his. She moaned softly. He removed his gloves, throwing them to the ground. The temperature in the room felt like it was rising and rising, and soon it was fiery. Raven wrapped her arms around Beast Boy's neck and pulled him towards the bed, soon collapsing onto the dark mattress.

Beast Boy was on top first, naturally thrusting towards the demoness, causing more moans to escape her throat. They continued to adorn each other's bodies with kisses and bites, their hearts racing. Beast Boy unclasped Raven's cloak and removed it, leaving her only in her skin-tight leotard. Soon, positions changed and Raven was on top. She ran her hand underneath Beast Boy's shirt, her fingertips tickling his chest and her nails gripping at his skin.

Her smile widened seductively, as if she was going in for a kill. She grabbed both of his arms at the biceps and pinned them down. She slowly and forcefully moved her hands down his arms and to his wrists, holding them down. Instead of an expected moan coming from him, a light whimper came. He tried to hide it, but Raven had already taken notice.

She unpinned his arms and sat down on his lap, staring at the changeling with concern in her eyes. He felt fear, although he tried to hide it. He knew she noticed his whimper; there was no denying it.

"What was that?" she asked, her voice stern.

"I, uh, I don't know what you're talking about," Beast Boy lied, an absurd smile covering his face.

"Yes, you do. You were fine and then I put pressure on your wrists. And I know I didn't put a lot of pressure on them," she said, her serious glare ripping through him. His smile faded.

In an attempt to counter her, he opened his mouth, soon discovering that he could find no words.

Raven, still sitting on his lap and effectively holding him down, picked up both of his wrists and brought them closer to her. Soon, Beast Boy found words.

"Rae, please, no," he said quietly, his eyes pleading.

Raven slowly slid both of his sleeves down, exposing his wrists. She looked up at him, but his head was turned to the side, watching the rainstorm outside. She looked back down. His wrists, that she knew would be covered in scars, were covered in fresh cuts. Some, obviously a few days old, were scabbing over. Others, obviously more recent, were red and puffy. Some had opened up slightly during their rough housing, causing blood to trickle out in small beads along the lines. There were at least 20 or 30 cuts in total on his wrists. None of them were seriously deep, which was somewhat of a relief.

She let out a deep exhale, covering his wrists back up with his sleeves and setting them down on the bed.

"Beast Boy," she said, her voice concerned. When he did not respond, she repeated herself. "Beast Boy, look at me."

He slowly met her gaze, anxiety and embarrassment evident in his eyes.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" she questioned.

"Are you mad?" he asked, his voice quiet like a child's.

"Mad? Of course I'm not mad!" she said, her eyes wide at the question as she leaned down closer to him, "I'm just concerned. Why did you do it?"

He just stared at her silently for a few moments, trying to gather his words.

"I needed to. I'm fine, I promise," he responded.

"People who are fine don't do this to themselves," she counteracted.

"Please don't tell the others," Beast Boy pleaded with her.

Raven let out another heavy breath.

"I won't tell the others, on account of one thing," Raven said, "You better not do this again. If I find any more on you, I'm telling, okay?"

Beast Boy gulped.

"They need to know, Gar," she said, using his real name, "Please don't do this again."

Beast Boy slowly nodded, taking in what she had to say.

"Do you want me to heal these?" she asked him, hoping he'd allow it.

Beast Boy shook his head no. To that, Raven got off from on top of him and laid down next to him. She snuggled up against him, wrapping her arms around him in an awkward hug. Beast Boy turned inward towards her as well, embracing her as well.

They sat silently in each other's embrace for some time, feeling the rise and fall of each other's chests to the sound of the diminishing thunderstorm outside. Finally, Raven spoke up again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, referring both to the self-harm and the mission. Beast Boy simply shook his head again, not trusting his voice. Raven wrapped around him tighter in the embrace, hoping to comfort her obviously pained boyfriend. Eventually, they fell asleep, the sounds of the rain pattering against the window pushing them into their individual unconsciousness'.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 15! Sorry that it's been about 10 days since my last update; I was on fall break and computer-less, but now I'm back and can update regularly again!**

 **RPGPersona: I thought showing how they got together might be a nice thing to show, and this seemed like an appropriate place. I hope you enjoyed that flashback. And definitely, yeah. As for how they used to do previously, I chose not to specify. But here, they definitely decided to go further, which lead to that discovery. There has definitely been progress, but perhaps not enough for the situation. But, progress is progress no matter how slowly it comes. :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: It's definitely a turning point in the story, Raven's discovery of his self-harm. As for if/when he'll stop, only time (and chapters) will tell! :)**

 **BartWLewis: Thank you! Glad you're enjoying the story :)**

 **Blurble: I'm glad that the story is captivating; it's hard to tell if my stories are able to keep peoples interest or not. And things will definitely happen! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

Morning light began to filter through her windows, the glass panels steamed from the previous night's rain. And like the floods that came from the downpour, the memories of last night flooded back to her consciousness. She opened her eyes, expecting to see a sleeping changeling resting next to her, but rather found the spot vacant. She sat up and rubbed her eyes as she looked around her room.

"Beast Boy?" Raven asked, trying to locate him. No response came, and there was no evidence to suggest that he had recently been active in the room. She stood up off her bed and retrieved her rumpled cloak from off the ground. Smoothing down her hair, she left her room with the intention of finding the missing changeling.

The first place she looked, and perhaps the most obvious, was his room. She knocked on his door, calling his name, but there was no response. After a moment, she phased through to find an empty room. Phasing back out to the hallway, she decided to head down the hall towards the Main Ops room. Not long after approaching the shared living area, she heard a familiar battle taking place. She neared the doors.

"Why can't you just accept that bacon and all of its sizzling goodness will always reign supreme?" she heard Cyborg say.

"Dude, tofu will always, and I mean always, be better! You're just in meaty denial" she opened the doors to find Beast Boy and Cyborg going about their normal quarreling.

"I think you're the one in denial, grass stain. All that fake meat must be going to your head, jumbling up your thoughts," Cyborg laughed as he tended to the searing bacon in the frying pan.

"Nope! Not in the slightest!" Beast Boy countered. Hearing the doors to the Main Ops room close, he turned. "Mornin' Rae!" he beamed as the empath neared him. As she got closer, she could see that he had a plate of the spongy meat-free substitute and a glass of soy milk. She took a seat next to him, giving him a peck on the cheek.

"Good morning," she said, continuing to inspect the green teen. He had a wide grin covering his face, his fang joyfully protruding from behind his lower lip. "You're up early," she continued, eyeing him suspiciously. Whenever they shared a room, she was always the one having to force him up from his deep slumber. He was never, ever the first one awake.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Thought about waking you, but didn't want to disturb you," he replied, still smiling. He extended his plate of tofu towards her. "Want some, Rae?"

"No thank you," she said, declining his offer. Although she had tried tofu in the past, it wasn't a taste or texture that really appealed to her much.

"Okay!" he beamed, returning his attention to his meal.

 _At least he's eating,_ Raven thought. Beast Boy's appetite had been lacking, to say the least, since they returned from the mission.

She got up to brew herself a cup of tea. As she waited for the water to boil, she studied him some more. He was continuing another banter with Cyborg about God knows what, and they were both getting really into it. He was so smiley. Even under normal circumstances, he would always change his expression up. It would never remain in this extreme state of happiness. And she knew from last night's conversation that these were not normal circumstances. He was up to something.

Her tea soon finished and she joined Beast Boy back at the table. He and Cyborg had finished their debate, and he had resumed to his meal.

"You seem quite cheery this morning," Raven said, observing the changeling.

Before Beast Boy could speak up, Cyborg added to the conversation.

"Yeah, grass stain. Haven't seen you this happy or energetic in, what, weeks?" Cyborg joined.

Beast Boy stared at the two of them, formulating a proper and safe response in his head.

"Yeah, just in a good mood, I guess," he said, that overly-excitable smile covering his face. Before Raven or Cyborg could continue to question him, the Main Ops doors opened up again.

"Good morning, friends!" Starfire beamed as she and Robin walked through the doors. Although Starfire and Robin weren't officially a couple yet, they might as well have been. The two were inseparable, and would often be caught stealing kisses from one another.

"Morning Star, Rob," Cyborg said, flipping his bacon on the pan.

Starfire flew over to where the three Titans were situated, particularly focusing her attention on the green changeling.

"Friend Beast Boy! You are awake! You have not been out of your sleeping quarters for most of our time back. I am most pleased to see you here!" the overjoyed alien squealed, clasping her hands together in front of her chest.

"Yeah, good to see you out here. You have been somewhat secluded since coming back. How are you doing?" Robin asked. As was everyone, he was concerned about his friend's well-being since the mission, especially with Register's death.

"I'm fine," Beast Boy said, his smile somewhat faltering, but quickly correcting itself.

"You sure? You haven't really been yourself lately," Cyborg added in, transferring the bacon to a plate and joining them at the table.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Promise," he responded.

Before anyone could question him further, the alarm blared overhead.

"Ah man! Why does that always go off as soon as I'm ready to eat my bacon?!" Cyborg groaned, shaking his fist towards the ceiling as the alarm continued.

Robin walked to the main computer and started typing away.

"It's Cinderblock. He's escaped from prison again and is wreaking havoc downtown. Titans, GO!" Robin shouted, and the team took off towards the city.

* * *

The Titans soon arrived downtown, and sure enough, Cinderblock was causing chaos. While most civilians were running for their lives, there were a few who decided to stay and take pictures for their various social media accounts before being concerned over their own safety. As soon as Cinderblock removed a light pole and started swinging, though, they decided that perhaps their safety was more of a priority than Instagram likes.

"Okay, team, you know what to do," Robin announced.

"Yeah, let's take down rocks-for-brains here so that I can get back to my bacon!" Cyborg said, still upset about having to abandon his bacon.

"Titans, GO!" Robin shouted, and the teens sprung forward.

Raven and Starfire immediately took to the air. While Starfire shot her starbolts at Cinderblock, Raven encased the light pole in her black energy and attempted to remove it from his grasp. It was more of a tug of war battle, though, and one that ended with Raven being flung around. After regaining her grounds, she encased the pole once again and made it explode, rendering it useless for the villain.

Cyborg shot at him with his sonic cannon, acting as an effective distraction while Robin ran towards Cinderblock. Robin propelled himself up Cinderblock's body and threw smoke bombs at his face. As Cinderblock swatted at the smoky cloud around him, Robin landed unharmed on the ground.

Beast Boy ran up as a ram and rammed into Cinderblock's knee. Since the rocky villain was already disoriented from the smoke attack, he easily tripped to the side. Before he fully fell to the ground, though, his leg kicked up and smacked into Beast Boy hard, sending him into a nearby building. The changeling landed awkwardly on top of a dumpster, his thigh hitting the sharpened corner of the metal contraption.

As soon as Cinderblock was on the ground, Robin threw a reinforced netting over him. The three other available Titans assisted by helping to spread the netting over his body while he was still stupefied. Soon, he was covered and unable to get up. He grunted and tried to wiggle his way out, but it was no use.

Beast Boy soon rejoined with the Titans. He had a small gash on his thigh where it had hit the dumpster edge. It wasn't anything critically deep or threatening, but it was an injury nonetheless.

"Friend Beast Boy! You are injured!" Starfire shrieked as she flew over to her friend.

"I'm fine, Star, really. Just a small wound," he said, trying to console the girl.

"But you are bleeding. Are you not in pain?" she asked.

"Not really, no. It's not that bad. I'm fine, Star. Promise," he said again, smiling this time to show that he was fine.

Robin had called the Jump City police to inform them that the situation with Cinderblock was taken care of; they would soon be down to escort him back to prison. Soon, he and the other two Titans joined with Beast Boy and Starfire.

"Beast Boy," Raven started, "are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's really not a bad injury. It's all good," he said, trying to smile again to prove his point.

Cyborg bent down to look at it briefly.

"Doesn't seem too deep. He's right; it's not really a bad injury. He'll be fine," Cyborg announced, standing back up.

"In that case, let's head back to the tower," Robin said as the JCPD arrived and took care of Cinderblock. The Titans headed back to the tower to resume their breakfast activities.


	16. Chapter 16

**Happy Halloween everyone! Here's Chapter 16! Hope you enjoy!**

 **RPGPersona: Eating regularly is definitely a good thing to do for health and mood regulation, so that in and of itself is certainly an improvement. And isn't bacon always a higher priority than crime fighting? Haha! And things are seemingly almost normal, but the story is far from being over. :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: Only time (and chapters) will tell! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing; I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

As soon as the Titans arrived back at the tower, Beast Boy went straight up to his room while the rest of the Titans remained in the Main Ops room. He was exhausted, to say the least. And although the gash on his leg wasn't severe, it did hurt and was still bleeding somewhat due to the walking that he had to do on it. As soon as he made it up to his room, he shut the door behind him. He always kept a first aid kit in his room, and due to recent activity, it was constantly kept well stocked with bandages and gauze. He opened up the kit and pulled out disinfectant and gauzes and went to go tend to the wound.

His thigh had already been sore before this morning's battle, but with this added gash, it was starting to get uncomfortable. Luckily, he was used to the pain. What he wasn't quite used to, though, was the stinging of disinfectant on an open wound. He rarely used it on his wounds, but he felt that this one needed it considering it had been injured on a dirty dumpster. He hated disinfectant; the way it stung his skin, his eyes, his nose. It burned uncomfortably in every way possible, and brought back equally painful memories. It reminded him of hospitals, and oh, how he hated hospitals. Hospitals brought nothing but pain and agony; nothing good ever happened there.

Once the wound was properly sterilized, he placed the gauze over it and taped it down using medical tape from the first aid kit. The wound would need to breathe, which the gauze allowed, whereas a Band-Aid would have suffocated it. His uniform had a tear in it as well from where the dumpster had sliced him, and he quickly changed out of it and into a new one. He put the ripped uniform to the side, intending to attempt to sew it back together at one point or another.

Beast Boy then walked over to his bed and climbed onto the top bunk. He was exhausted.

 _Everyone kept questioning me this morning…was I too obvious?_ He thought, remembering everyone's interrogation about him and his sudden cheeriness.

 _I don't know, maybe I was able to convince them. Have I really been as secluded as everyone said?_

In the last four days since returning back to the tower, Beast Boy had left his room to be 'social' only twice, not counting this morning. And whenever he did leave his room, he hadn't been himself. He had been quiet, withdrawn. Of course they noticed. How could they not?

 _They can't know. I have to keep it hidden from Raven. Can't risk her telling the others. How would they react? Would they even accept me?! Would they even…care?_

Beast Boy turned over on his side, facing the wall. He clutched onto his blanket tightly, pulling the sheets closer to him as if they would provide comfort to him. He took in deep breaths, trying to calm himself. The thought that they wouldn't accept or care about him was terrifying. These were the people he loved and trusted and he couldn't imagine losing them.

 _I have to keep this a secret. They can never know…too risky…_

He soon drifted off into sleep. His dreams, or rather nightmares, were filled with rapid scenes of his teammates abandoning him, being angry with him, and by far the most petrifying, displaying apathy towards him.

 _Beast Boy walked into the Main Ops room. It was odd…not like it normally was. The room, the environment. It was too quiet, too still. He looked around confused. On the couch in front of the TV sat the other four Titans. They were all staring into the air before them, as if they were deeply engaged in an activity that Beast Boy was blind to. He walked towards them cautiously. Something told him that this was not right, but he couldn't pin point it. Anxiety bubbled in his stomach, filling his veins and making him tense._

 _When he approached the Titans, it was if they hadn't even noticed his presence. Even standing in front of them, they remained engaged in their invisible happenings. He soon noticed that they weren't even blinking; they were just staring blankly into the air before them. Their chests were rising, so he knew they were alive. That eased his worries to an extent, but there was still something very off._

 _"Uh, hey guys," he said, standing before them. They continued to look straight ahead, right through him. "Guys?"_

 _He walked up to Raven and waved his hands in front of her face. She remained unblinking._

 _"Uh, guys, if this is some sort of joke, it's not that funny. What's going on?"_

 _The silence continued and he stepped away from Raven. He turned and looked at each of them, trying to figure out what the Hell was going on._

 _"You know what's a joke?" he heard a voice say. He turned towards the voice's owner. It was Cyborg. He was still staring straight ahead, blindly staring, but at least he was speaking. "You."_

 _"What?" Beast Boy said, sure he heard him wrong._

 _"You're a joke. A freak. I can't believe we let you on this team in the first place. You don't belong here," he retorted. Suddenly, Cyborg turned his head, facing the green changeling. His eyes, or at least his human eye, expressed a consciousness, and lively understanding of what was going on rather than the dull apathy that they expressed mere seconds ago. When he looked at the other Titans, he saw that they too had turned to face the green teen with the same look._

 _Before Beast Boy could respond, another voice spoke._

 _"You're weak. How can we trust you on this team if you're this pitiful? Only weak people do what you do," Robin spoke up._

 _"You bring shame upon this team. You are not worthy to be a Titan," Starfire said._

 _"You're pathetic. You're worthless. How could you even believe that I ever loved you, you mutant," Raven scolded._

 _"Wh….what?" Beast Boy said, staring at each of the teens before him._

 _Cyborg, his best friend, his best bud._

 _Robin, his leader that although he had trouble with, he admired._

 _Starfire, one of the kindest, most accepting individuals that he had ever met._

 _And Raven, the person who he loved with all of his heart and all of his soul._

 _And they all stared at him with such hate in their eyes, venom in their words._

 _"Just look at what you've done. How can you even live with yourself?" Cyborg scorned._

 _Beast Boy looked down at his body. Although it had been clothed moments ago, it was now nearly nude. What little clothing he had on was ripped and torn, covered in blood. His skin was exposed. His arms, his legs, his stomach. All of them were covered in red, angry cuts. Some shallow, some horribly deep. They were bleeding, streaming down his green body._

 _"It is written all over your body. You are weak, pathetic. You should feel nothing but shame for what you have done," Starfire declared._

 _"But…but…," Beast Boy was stuttering in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be real._

 _"No one could ever love a freak like you. Not even me," Raven said, a smirk covering her face. "You're nothing, Beast Boy."_

 _He felt his heart rate speed up, and he felt as if he was chest was about to explode. He felt like he was being suffocated, drowned._

 _All four Titans were yelling out obscenities at him, but he couldn't make out what anymore. They were all melting together into a blur of disbelief. He felt the world around him start to turn black, and he felt himself sinking lower and lower. Suddenly, everything went completely black._

He bolted up quickly, screaming, his eyes bulging out of his head. His forehead hit something hard, momentarily stunning him. He felt pressure on his shoulder, as if it were holding him still in reality.

His eyes adjusted from the momentary shock, and he saw Raven sitting in front of him on his bed. One of her hands was holding onto his shoulder, the other cradling her forehead.

"Rae…," he uttered, still trying to catch his breath. He realized he was drenched in sweat, making him feel gross.

"Well, I guess you're awake now," she said, somewhat sarcastically.

"Are you okay? Did I hit your forehead?" he asked, connecting the dots. The empath nodded.

"I'm fine. Nothing a little healing won't fix. The real question is are you okay?" she said. Noticing the changeling's confused look on his face, she continued. "You've been cooped up in your room all day since we got back to the tower this morning. That was hours ago. I came here to check on you and found you in a panic on your bed. Did you have a nightmare?"

Nightmare? Was that what it was? Just a dream? All the memories of it flooded back to him.

 _'You're a freak. Pathetic. Weak.'_

It was just a dream. It wasn't real. None of it was real. He felt a relief flood over him, which was obvious to the empath before him. He laid back down on his bed, his breathing calming to something more normal.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Raven asked him, noting his reaction. "It seemed pretty…disturbing."

"No…no…it doesn't matter. Just a dream, no big deal," he said. He tried to smile to please the empath, but his attempted smile appeared more so as an edgy frown. The sweat that had drenched his body had now dried, leaving his skin feeling sticky.

"Seemed like a big deal. But okay. If you don't want to talk about it, I'm not going to force it out of you," she said, studying the boy. She knew that it was a horrible nightmare, but pressing the issue upon him wasn't going to necessarily help. "How's your leg?"

"My…what? Oh, yeah, from the fight earlier," Beast Boy said, still somewhat dazed from the nightmare and trying to sort out what was real and not. "It's fine. I disinfected it and put a gauze over it."

"Can I see it?" Raven asked.

"No, it's fine. It's not that bad," Beast Boy countered.

"I know it's not that bad, but it runs a high risk of infection since it came from the dumpster. I'd like to heal it so that's not an issue anymore," she said.

"I disinfected it. It's fine. Doesn't need to be healed. It's all good," Beast Boy opposed, his words getting somewhat quicker in pace. Raven looked at the boy suspiciously, knowing that he was hiding something.

"Beast Boy," she continued, most sternly than before, "let me see your leg."

The boy visibly paled and began to shake his head.

"No, it's fine. I promise!" he said, his words quickly strung together. He tried to smile again, but failed.

"Beast Boy," Raven continued, not giving up. She moved her hands to his hips where his pants rested.

"Raven," Beast Boy said, his voice fearful, "Please don't."

With that, she pulled down the pant leg on the injured side. As he had said, it was gauzed over, but that wasn't the only thing there. Like his wrists, his thigh had cuts all over it. When she removed the sweaty gauze, it revealed even more wounds in addition to the battle wound. The cuts on his thigh were somewhat deeper than those on his wrist, but weren't critically deep. They looked new, and she knew that he had done them today.

She encased his thigh in blue energy, healing the fight wound as well as the others. They closed up, but the scarring remained. She pulled his pant leg back up and briefly checked his other thigh. It was clean of wounds. She grabbed his wrists, which were resting on the bed on either side of him, and checked them as well. They were covered in cuts and scars, but nothing had been added since their discussion yesterday. It seemed that the only new wounds were on his thigh.

"Beast Boy, look at me," Raven said, and she met his eyes. Like during the previous discovery, he looked embarrassed, terrified. "I thought we agreed that you wouldn't do this again."

"I'm sorry," Beast Boy uttered, his voice barely audible.

"I know you are, Gar, but this is serious. Why did you do this?" she asked, her voice filled with worry.

"I needed to. I can't explain it, but I just had to," he said. He was biting his upper lip as if to keep himself from crying.

"There are better ways to cope, Gar. This isn't a solution; it just makes it worse," Raven said. She held onto both of his hands, bringing them closer to her.

"Are…are you going to tell the others?" he asked. She could feel pure fear radiating off of him.

Raven let out a deep breath, collecting her thoughts.

"They need to know, Gar. This is important. You knew this was coming," she said to him. He didn't respond. He just stared at her, gulping. Soon, he nodded, although it was barely noticeable.

Raven laid down next to him, embracing him. Although she would tell the others, it could wait. He was obviously in distress, and her being present with him was so much more important at the moment. She cuddled up against him, both of them covered by her cloak. She rested her head on his chest, laying her hand on his abdomen. He set an arm around her, resting his hand on her shoulder and pulling her closer to him. Soon, they drifted off into sleep, one much more restful than before.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 17! Just got back from a school break so I should be able to post more often again! Sorry about the wait!**

 **RPGPersona: He's definitely suffering quite a lot, with a lot of hidden pains. Rejection is certainly a big fear, one that most people have to a certain extent. I hope the nightmare came across well and creepily; the way I imagined it in my head had a very creepy and disturbing vibe. She did, and now he must face those consequences, but not before receiving some much needed comfort. :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it :)**

* * *

That next morning, Raven made her way down to the Main Ops room. She had tried to get Beast Boy to come with her, but he was persistent in his begging to stay upstairs in his room. He insisted that he was tired, and would try to leave his room later. She knew that it wasn't worth the fight, and no amount of arguing on her part would get him to come downstairs, or at least not without force. Besides, she knew it would probably be easier for him to not be present during the conversation with the team that she needed to have.

As soon as she arrived in the Main Ops room, she could see that it was a normal morning, for the most part. Cyborg was frying up bacon in a pan, and was also making eggs. Starfire was tending to Silkie on the couch, with Robin sitting next to her. They were talking quietly with one another. Raven quietly slipped into the room and went straight to her tea kettle.

"Mornin', Raven," Cyborg said cheerfully as soon as he saw her.

"Good morning," Raven responded as she began to boil the water.

"Green bean still in bed?" he asked. Although he knew that his friend was somewhat isolating himself, he still noticed his absence in the kitchen as he fried the bacon.

"Yes. He says that he may come down later," she responded. She poured the now boiling water over a tea bag, letting the herbs seep into the warmth. She turned her back to the metal man and breathed out deeply before turning back to him. "Cyborg, I need to talk to you and the rest of the team. It's important."

He looked at her, concern covering his face. If Raven said it was serious, then it was serious, no doubt about it.

"Okay. Do you want me to go get Beast Boy?" he asked, removing his oven mitts and setting them down on the counter.

"No, no, this...concerns him. He won't want to be present," she said, choosing her words carefully.

Cyborg nodded, and he and Raven made their way to the living area where Robin and Starfire were situated. Cyborg sat down on the couch next to Robin, and Raven stood before all three of them.

"I, uh….," she said, looking at the teens before her. She was never one to lead conversation, so she didn't really feel comfortable doing this. It needed to be done though. "I need to discuss something with you all. It's about Beast Boy."

The teens looked uneasy about the impending conversation. They knew that Beast Boy had been acting very unlike himself lately, and he was refusing to open up about what happened to him on the mission. They knew he must be in a great deal of pain.

"Is friend Beast Boy the okay?" Starfire asked as Silkie rested in her lap.

"Not really," Raven began. She tried to think of the best way to bring it up, but she couldn't think of one. She just needed to get it out, even if it was rough. "Beast Boy has been having a really hard time since getting back from the mission. Even while there, he was acting weird. He's refusing to speak about it with me, but I can tell it's tearing him apart. A few days ago, I found cuts on his wrists."

The teens eyes opened wide, obviously stunned. There was silence for a few moments before anyone spoke up.

"Are you sure they're new? Or if he even did them?" Cyborg asked.

"They're new, and there were a lot. When I asked him about them, he freaked out. When I asked him why he did it, he just kept saying that he needed to. Yesterday, I found more on him, all over his thigh. He didn't want me to tell you this, but I thought you needed to know," she announced.

The teens were speechless. Memories of the events that had happened mere months ago with Garfield poured back into the teens' consciousness, and it scared them. They knew that if he was falling back into the same pattern, he must be in tremendous emotional pain, and that this was extremely serious.

"We need to get him to talk about what happened during the mission. Keeping it all bottled up inside him isn't healthy," Robin said, his voice grave.

"Whenever I bring it up to him, or ask if he wants to talk about it, he refuses. He's determined not to talk about it," Raven added.

"Maybe if we sit him down and all ask him about it, maybe he'll be more willing to speak?" Cyborg offered.

"Perhaps. He needs to get it out. We can't let this happen again," Raven added, her near-emotionless face showing fear.

Starfire was nearly crying, the tears threatening to spill over.

"Should we, perhaps, tell friend Beast Boy about the events of what happened when he was Garfield?" Starfire offered, "Conceivably, it may help him do the opening up if he knows that we are aware of what happened?"

The teens thought for a moment. It may help. They knew that Beast Boy had attempted as a child due to the thick, vertical scars on his wrists, but he didn't know that they knew. He still had no memory of the Garfield incident from months ago; he had no idea what had happened down in that basement.

"I think we should, but we have to go about it carefully," Robin said.

"We gotta make sure that he knows that we support and care about him," Cyborg added.

"But we can't suffocate him. If we pressure or corner him about the issue, it could backfire. We need to tread these waters lightly," Raven added. She knew that it was a sensitive topic for everyone, but especially for Beast Boy. She didn't want the boy to be too uncomfortable, but she knew this was necessary.

"When do we want to do this?" Robin asked. The team was silent in thought.

"He says he may try to come down later. If he doesn't come down in a few hours, I can go get him," Raven offered.

The teens nodded solemnly, knowing that that was going to be a really tough conversation. Their concern for their friend, which had already been great, had just skyrocketed with this added information, and they were scared for him. They couldn't let it repeat again; they just couldn't.


	18. Chapter 18

**So finals have been stressful to say the least, but they are finally done! And in all the craziness of finals, I completely forgot about uploading and I apologize. So, here is Chapter 18! :)**

 **RPGPersona: Yeah, one of his biggest fears about this situation is how they will react. And especially since he doesn't know about the Garfield incident, he believes that this will be completely new to them. With the team now knowing what is going on with him, actions can begin to take place. It will definitely be a challenge for the team to tell him, and what it could bring is difficult to say. :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I feel sort of the same way. At first, when I was writing it, I almost didn't include that because I felt like she was betraying his trust as well. But, then again, she clearly told him that she'd tell if he did it again, and he did it again regardless with that in mind, so he did have a clear warning of what was to come. And, in the end, I felt it was necessary in order to push the plot forward. To have the team accidently discover it like as Raven did felt unnatural and it would, potentially, alter the plot significantly. I thought it was a fun dialogue to write though, especially with Raven's awkwardness around the matter. I hope you enjoyed it regardless! :)**

 **Please read and review! :)**

* * *

Hours passed and Beast Boy had still not left his bedroom to come down to Main Ops. The teens were waiting patiently and anxiously, knowing that the conversation that they needed to have with the changeling was going to be an emotionally difficult one. Soon, it was mid-afternoon and they couldn't wait any longer.

"I'm going to go up and get Beast Boy," Raven said as she set her book down on the table and stood up.

"Do you wish for assistance?" Starfire said as she stood up as well.

"No, I think it's better if I do it alone. I don't want to make him anxious or suspicious," Raven said as she headed towards the doors. As soon as the doors shut behind her, she stood there and breathed deeply. She chanted her mantra to herself silently to calm her down and prepare herself for what was about to happen. She needed to keep her emotions intact in order for the conversation to go smoothly, or at least as smoothly as it could.

She continued down the winding hallways, still silently reciting her mantra. She soon arrived at Beast Boy's bedroom door. She knocked.

"Beast Boy?" she said, but heard no response. She tried again. "Beast Boy? It's me, Raven. Can I come in?" There was still no response, so she phased through the door. Beast Boy was on the top bunk of his bed, sound asleep.

Raven flew up to where he was and sat next to him. He seemed to be resting more peacefully than he had when she last saw him asleep. No twitching, no screaming. Just quiet snores. She wanted to let him sleep, knowing that he deserved a restful sleep after all the Hell he's been through as of late, but knew that this couldn't wait. She gently shook his shoulder.

"Beast Boy," she said quietly. She didn't want him to startle awake like last time. Both of them had formed nice bruises on their foreheads from where they had made impact. She continued to lightly shake him. "Beast Boy."

Slowly, the green teen opened up his eyes, taking in the view before him.

"Hey, Rae," he said groggily, "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. Just needed to wake you. You've been in your room all day. I need you to come down to the kitchen and eat something," she said, half lying.

Beast Boy let out a yawn.

"I'm tired, Rae. I'm not that hungry. I'll get food later, but I just want to sleep now," he replied, his eyes beginning to close again.

"Beast Boy, you need to eat whether you're hungry or not. Please, come down. For me?" Raven pleaded. She stared into his eyes, trying her best to not seem too tense.

He looked into her eyes before letting out a defeated breath.

"Fine, but I'm coming back up to sleep as soon as I get something," he said as he sat up, rubbing his tired eyes. Despite sleeping for most of the day every day, he looked absolutely exhausted with deep bags under his eyes.

The two of them got off of his top bunk and made their way to the door. They walked down the hallway towards the Main Ops room, Beast Boy stifling yawns the whole way. As soon as they reached the doors, they opened, revealing the three other teens on the couch.

Cyborg, Starfire, and Robin stared at the couple as they walked in. Beast Boy, not noticing the teens' stares, made his way over to the kitchen. Raven gave the teens a knowing look. They would be over shortly to join them on the couch.

Raven walked with Beast Boy over to the fridge. He studied the insides, finding little motivation or appeal towards any food item in the fridge. Raven, noticing this behavior, pulled out a slice of leftover tofu pizza and set it on a plate to be heated up. Raven and Beast Boy waited at a kitchen bar stool while the pizza heated up. When it dinged ready, Raven used her powers to retrieve the warmed pizza and set it in front of Beast Boy.

"Eat," Raven simply instructed as she stood up to go brew herself another herbal tea. Once the tea was ready, she rejoined him at the table. The slice was only half eaten considering how slowly he was consuming it.

Raven peeked over at the three teens on the couch. They were still watching, but were now being more subtle than their earlier blatant staring. All three of them had a worried look on their face, and Raven knew she had the same expression on her face, even if it was less obvious. After a few more nearly silent minutes, Beast Boy had finished eating. He got up and put his plate away in the sink and started heading towards the doors to leave.

"Beast Boy, wait!" Raven said, a little louder than intended. She was letting her nerves get to her. Beast Boy must've noticed this out of character reaction because he had a quizzical look on his face.

"What?" he asked, his voice impassive.

"I….uh….," Raven started, but soon found she was at a loss of words. There was a reason why she never led meetings or discussions. Cyborg, noticing her loss for words, spoke up.

"Why don't you come sit on the couch with us? We haven't gotten to see you much lately," Cyborg said, adding a smile at the end to ease his friend's worries.

"Maybe later, Cy. I'm pretty tired and kinda just want to go back up to my ro –," Beast Boy started. Before he was able to finish, though, Starfire flew up to him and started pushing him towards the couch.

"Come, friend Beast Boy! Let us do the hanging out!" she said, inching him closer and closer to the couch.

"Star, I'd really rather not," Beast Boy stated, trying and failing to get out of the alien's super strength push. Before he knew it, he was plopped down on the couch with all four teens silently surrounding him on either side. He gulped, feeling tense and uneasy about the situation at hand.

"It's been awhile since we've hung out," Cyborg said, breaking the silence that had ensued.

"I was out here yesterday morning during breakfast," Beast Boy responded quietly.

"Yeah, but we weren't hanging out. We haven't really seen you much since we got back. How have you been?" Cyborg asked.

"Uh, fine, I guess," Beast Boy muttered back.

"Really?" Robin jumped in, "You've been acting really unusual lately. Sure everything's alright?"

Beast Boy stared silently at his leader before responding. He was starting to feel really uncomfortable.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I think I'm going to go back now," Beast Boy said as he started to stand up. Before he could fully straighten, Raven rose from the ground in front of him, blocking him from standing up further.

"Sit," she ordered, and the changeling sat back down. "We need to discuss what happened during the mission. It's obvious that it's bothering you a lot and you need to open up."

"Rae, you know I don't want to talk about it," Beast Boy argued.

"I know you don't, but we do, so we're going to," she countered.

"We know that trip was hard on you, man, but you can't keep it all in. It's not healthy," Cyborg said.

"I'm fine, though. It's not a big deal, really," Beast Boy claimed stubbornly.

"You're fine? What I've seen on you from the last few days begs to differ," Raven spoke up. There was a palpable silence in the room as her words sunk in with the changeling. "I told everyone about what I found on your wrists and thigh. They needed to know."

Beast Boy visually paled as an embarrassed blush crept up over his cheeks. If the situation felt uncomfortable before, it was now completely unbearable. He felt panic rush through him. The team, noticing his panic, tried to calm him.

"It's alright, B. We're not mad. We're just concerned," Cyborg spoke up, giving his best friend a friendly look.

"Yes, friend Beast Boy, we do not want to see you in pain," Starfire added.

"So, on that note," Robin spoke up, "we need to talk about what happened on the mission. What were the villagers saying to you? Don't think we didn't notice that their words were upsetting."

Beast Boy just stared at Robin and gulped. He was still in shock about what had just happened that it took him a few moments to realize what had been asked.

"Doesn't matter what they said to me. It's not important," Beast Boy argued. He was being incredibly stubborn.

"It does matter! They were unkind to you!" Starfire stated, "What sort of unkind words did they share with you?"

"I'd rather not repeat what they said. They were just slurs. Things meant to get under my skin. Like I said, not a big deal," Beast Boy responded.

Knowing that they weren't going to get him to say what was said to him, they changed topics.

"B, I know you really don't want to talk about this, but it's important. We need to talk about what happened with Register," Cyborg spoke up.

Beast Boy started to shake his head.

"No, no, we don't need to talk about that," he said, and started to get up again.

Raven, who was now sitting next to him, grabbed onto his arm to hold him down. She grabbed a bit too low though, grabbing his wrist instead, and a soft whimper left his lips. She instantly released her grip, realizing that she had hurt him. He sat back down and held his wrist in his lap. The team stared, understanding what had just taken place and why that had hurt him. Their expressions were sad.

"Beast Boy," Raven started, "Please, talk to us."

Beast Boy gazed at Raven, a sadness filling his eyes. He let out a deep breath.

"What do you want to know?" he asked, his voice quiet.

The four teens exchanged glances, trying to figure out the best way to go about this.

"How are you feeling about his death?" Robin asked the changeling.

Beast Boy stared at the Boy Wonder for a few seconds while he thought about the question.

"I don't know. I know it wasn't my fault, but it feels like it is," he started. He could feel everyone's eyes on him, and it felt suffocating. "I don't think I feel guilty, but in a way, I kinda do. I know he deserved it. That man…that man was horrible."

"You grew up with him around you as a child. Were you close to him at all?" Cyborg asked.

Beast Boy's eyes shot up at the metal man, his eyes filled with resentment.

"I was never closed to him. He was horrible. Every life he encounters, he turns into a living Hell. He means nothing to me," Beast Boy spat out, shocking the team. He had never spoken so poorly of him before.

"Did he do something to you?" Raven asked.

Beast Boy was silent as he thought about his response for a moment.

"Let's just say that some stuff happened between me and him. It's in the past. It's done. It's over," he continued.

"B, it's obvious that something really bad went down between the two of you. What was it?" Cyborg asked. He could feel the tension rising in his green friend, and he instantly regretting pushing the subject forward.

"You want to know what it is?!" Beast Boy yelled, standing up again. This time, no one tried to sit him back down. "Register likes to run experiments on mutants. He likes to find people and things he deems as freakish and try to figure them out. Try to figure out what's in their DNA. For years, I lived with that asshole. I lived in what basically amounted to a cage because that's where the mutants were kept. The entire time was spent with nothing but medical experiments and tests. Countless inhumane tests and harsh punishments. So many needles and injections and experimental surgeries. And for what? He wanted to figure out how to take my DNA and alter it. It took me years to escape him. I thought it was all done, over with. But I wrong. Because of course he just had to figure out something about my DNA and alter it. Because of me, he was able to hurt and kill all of those children! He's horrible. He's the scum of the Earth. He didn't deserve what he got. He deserved worse."

The teens stared up wide eyed at Beast Boy, stunned by his outburst. They had had no idea that he had been through that, and it was mortifying. Beast Boy was always so secretive about his past, and whenever they learned something new about him, it was always shocking. He hid so much pain.

Beast Boy collapsed back on the couch, crossing his arms to his chest and staring down at the ground. It was silent for a few moments, as if no one dared to speak.

"Beast Boy," Raven spoke up, "I'm so sorry."

"We had no idea, B," Cyborg said, his voice soft.

"Are we done here?" Beast Boy asked, still not looking up from the ground. The teens exchanged glances before Robin spoke up.

"Actually, we have one more thing we need to talk about," he said. Beast Boy looked up at him expectantly, waiting for the next question. "We need to talk about what happened with Slade a few months ago."

"Why? I don't see how that relates," Beast Boy responded. Although he wasn't yelling anymore, his voice was still filled with hate.

"It doesn't really relate to the mission, but it does relate to our original point," Robin continued, "We weren't entirely truthful with you about what happened."

Beast Boy stared wide eyed at Robin, intrigued by what he had to say. He felt nervous, knowing in his heart that this wasn't going to be good.

"After you were captured by Slade and knocked unconscious, you didn't remain unconscious the entire time until we found you," Robin resumed, "Slade….Slade drugged you with some sort of chemical gas that somehow managed to reverse your age. We found you a few days after you were captured, and you were a child. You were you as a six year old, both mentally and physically. You didn't know who we were or what had happened. During your time here as Garfield, some stuff happened." Robin looked up at Cyborg, hoping that he would continue for him. The information to come may be received better if it came from the boy's best friend.

"You were acting really strange when you were here. We assumed it was just because of what happened with Slade, but you just kept getting worse. You were withdrawn and quiet, and overall just really depressed. One morning, we couldn't find you. We searched the whole tower and eventually found you in the basement," Cyborg took a breath before continuing, "You had…you had slit both of your wrists. You tried to kill yourself. You eventually lost too much blood and passed out. We were able to stitch you up and save your life. We found self-inflicted cuts all up your arms. A few days later, once you were medically stable enough, we eventually found Slade. We took him down and reversed your age back. But there was one thing we've noticed, and it's one of the many reasons why we're especially concerned now. All these years, whenever I've treated you for battle injuries, I've found scars all over your arms. I assumed they were from battles, but now I know they're not. You have two thick vertical scars, one on each wrist. We know that your suicide attempt wasn't isolated with just us; we know you tried it when you were younger too."

All the teens were watching Beast Boy. He was very pale, and his mouth was hanging slightly open. Beast Boy was staring at Cyborg, taking in what he had just told him.

"We're sorry that we didn't tell you earlier. We didn't want to risk embarrassing you or bringing back those memories," Robin said quietly.

Beast Boy remained silent. He removed his gaze from Cyborg and stared blankly at the floor. After a few moments, he spoke up.

"I keep having these dreams, or at least I thought they were dreams, of what you were just saying. I have these blurry scenes in my mind of hanging out with you guys as a kid. I thought they were dreams, but I guess they're memories," he said, barely audible. Beast Boy let out a deep breath. "Are we done now?"

Robin nodded.

"Yeah. That's all we needed to talk about. For now, at least," he said.

Beast Boy nodded and stood up. He slowly left the Main Ops room, not saying a word the entire way. Soon, he was gone and on his way back up to his room.

The teens who remained in the Main Ops room all let out a collective deep breath, sinking deeper into the furniture that they were sitting in.

"Well, that went well," Raven said sarcastically as she massaged her temples where a headache was starting to form.

"Should we check on friend Beast Boy?" Starfire asked. "He seemed most upset by what just happened."

"No, he needs alone time. We can't suffocate him. Hopefully now that he's aware that we know, maybe he'll be less secretive. More open with us," Cyborg said, his voice seeming strained and tired.

"Hopefully," Raven agreed. She, like all of them, hated to see Beast Boy in so much pain and agony.

* * *

Beast Boy made it back to his room as fast as possible. At first, he was in a daze about what had just happened and what he had just learned. Soon, though, his daze faded as it turned into panic about what had just happened. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Just a half hour ago, he was minding his own business, eating a piece of tofu pizza, and now, he felt like his world was crumbling apart. So many of his secrets that he had tried to keep hidden for so long were finally out and in the open, and it was excruciating, to say the least.

He practically broke into a sprint and reached his room quickly. As soon as the door closed behind him, he slipped to the ground shaking violently.

They knew about his history with Register.

They knew about his self-harm.

They knew about his suicide attempt.

They…they knew too much. He didn't want them to know. That's why he had kept it secret all these years! No one needed to know.

He shakily stood up and made his way over to his desk and ripped open the drawer. He opened it so aggressively that the drawer became completely removed from the desk and spilled onto the ground. He didn't care. He could deal with that later.

He got down on his hands and knees and started shuffling through the messy spilled contents. Soon, he found what he was so desperately looking for. He took the small piece of metal and ripped it through his wrist. Over and over again he ran it through. It didn't matter where he did it anymore. They knew. There was no keeping it hidden anymore. But, just because they knew, didn't mean that he would stop. He couldn't stop. It wasn't that simple.

Before he knew it, his green skin was no longer visible underneath the warm red that was spilling out. It was dripping onto his uniform and onto the floor, staining everything. He was sobbing profusely, tears spilling out of his eyes like there was no tomorrow.

He fell over on his side, dropping the blade on the carpet below him. He hugged his knees to his chest and continued to cry. He didn't care if his wails could be heard outside or not. He didn't care that his blood was getting everywhere to a point where he couldn't clean up. None of that mattered to him at the moment. The only thing that mattered was getting the necessary relief, which he obtained through the blade.

After what felt like an eternity, his sobs quieted and slowed, and he was left shaking on the ground. The bleeding had stopped, leaving a sticky, coagulated mess everywhere. His head was pounding and he felt exhausted. He slipped into a restless sleep, right there on the floor.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 19! Hope you enjoy it!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I mean, all of them have had pretty tough lives in their own unique ways. And everyone chooses to cope differently, some being more prone to destructive habits than others. Perhaps it would be interesting if Raven could relate to BB in that way, but I wouldn't necessarily describe it as cool. In the end, I chose to have him go through those difficulties and no one else. Perhaps I'll write a story like that someday, but probably not in this one. I really appreciate that view though! :)**

 **RPGPersona: Definitely, I agree. It was quite a tense and difficult situation, and it would've been really easy to lose their tempers and to have the situation get out of control. I thought it may have been a bit much in one go, but I also felt like it was necessary here. The situation with Beast Boy is definitely becoming more and more tense and serious; no one on the team is going to be happy about it, especially Raven. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Raenelly: I understand; I'm sorry that it brings back such memories. And tattoo cover-ups are so great! I have one tattoo cover-up and I understand how uncomfortable it can be when people notice and point it out. That's so great! I love how you're taking your experience and using it to help others in a positive light! And thank you! That really means a lot! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing; I really appreciate it!**

* * *

The morning light began to peak through the window intrusively. It shone down on the green figure that lay on the ground, his chest rising and falling with each breath. Soon, the light became too bright, invading past his eyelids and waking him up slowly. The first thing he noticed upon opening his eyes was the mess that surrounded him. The second thing he noticed was the burning pain in his wrist. When he looked down at it, the skin was angry and red, with sticky blood covering it and keeping it stiff. When he attempted to move it, the wounds screamed in pain, feeling as if his skin was being torn apart violently.

Sitting up, he got a better look at the chaos surrounding him. There were random items strewn all around him from the removed drawer, ranging from pencils to old food wrappers to small notepads. Also scattered around him was a bloodied blade and dried blood pools.

"Shit," Beast Boy mumbled quietly as he stood back up. He slowly stood up and got his bearings. His whole body was stiff from his tense night on the floor. Taking in a deep breath, he began to pick up the items and replace them into the drawer. It was easy enough. Putting the drawer back into its desk compartment was a different story. It didn't want to go back in, at least not without a fight, and he had to resort to slamming his body against the drawer just to get it reinserted.

He stared down at the blood on the carpet and knew that it was never going to come out. There was no use in even trying. Had he tried to remove it last night while it was still fresh, he may have been able to get some out, but there was simply too much soaked into the carpet, all dry and coagulated now. He looked down at the front of his uniform which was also stained with blood. Walking to his closet, he stripped off the dirty garments and put on a new, clean uniform. As he was slipping his shirt over his head, he heard a knock at the door.

He walked over to his door and opened it. Standing there in the hallway was Starfire. She seemed worried, but she was trying to cover it up with a large smile. She looked down at Beast Boy, a certain sorrow in her eyes.

"Good morning, friend Beast Boy!" she said, embracing the boy in a hug. After the initial shock of the sudden hug, he returned it, wrapping his sore arms around the enthusiastic alien.

"Morning, Star," Beast Boy said as they departed from their hug. "What are you doing here?" It was unusual for her to visit him in his room.

As a response, Starfire placed a lightweight necklace around his neck. The necklace had blue, oddly shaped beads hanging from it. Upon closer inspection, he saw that the beads were smooth and almost glistened in the light, as if they had a fine glitter in them. They were marbled, a swirling of a deep, midnight blue and a bright cyan. The beads each resembled somewhat of a heart shape, but not quite. Each bead was slightly different in shape and size, making the necklace somewhat irregular looking.

"I have made for you a Trisomorrk, a necklace of sorrow. On my planet, those who are experiencing, as you would say, the 'blues', receive these trinkets to lift their spirits," Starfire said, her smile growing wider. She clasped her hands in front of her as she looked at the boy. "If you wish, I can also prepare for you the pudding of sadness in addition to your Trisomorrk."

"I think I'll pass on the pudding of sadness, but thanks Star. I really appreciate this," Beast Boy said as he rolled one of the odd beads between two of his fingers.

"You are most welcome, friend! I was also wondering if, perhaps, you would like to do the hanging out with me today. I have missed your presence ever so much," Starfire responded.

Beast Boy looked up at the girl. He didn't feel like hanging out. Hell, he didn't even feel like leaving his room. But, he also didn't want to upset his friend further. It was the least he could do to hang out with her and keep her company.

"Sure, Star. I'd like that," he said, which resulted in the eager hero squealing in delight.

"Wonderful!" she beamed. She grabbed onto his hand, making sure not to grab onto his wrist, and pulled him towards her room as she flew. When they reached her room, she pulled the green boy in with her. He looked around. Not much had changed since he had last been in here. It was still incredibly tidy and very, very pink.

Starfire left Beast Boy just past the entrance of her room as she let go of his hand and flew over to her bookshelf. She started examining the contents of the bookshelf, rummaging past all the magazines, nail polish bottles, and glittery knick-knacks. Soon, she had gathered a decently large stack of magazines and flew over to where a round, purple rug was set on the ground. She took a seat, motioning for Beast Boy to accompany her.

She spread out all the magazines, which ranged from teen girl magazines, to celebrity gossip, to food magazines. Starfire had a passion for stereotypical teenage girl past-times, which included her reading the magazines. She often tried to rope Raven into reading the magazines with her as they painted nails, but the empath rarely gave in. Beast Boy, on the other hand, didn't mind the hobby and enjoyed spending time with Starfire. She was like an older sister to him, and they had always appreciated each other's company ever since they met a few years back. They regularly read magazines with one another, taking the quizzes on the insides and enjoying the articles.

"Which ones would you like to start with?" Starfire asked once all the magazines were spread out.

Beast Boy shrugged.

"You choose, Star," he said. He watched as her eyes excitedly scanned the magazines before finally landing on a celebrity gossip one. She handed one to the changeling, and kept one to herself.

They started to flip through the magazines silently, occasionally commenting on things that they found interesting. Most of the comments came from Starfire, as she found the topics more interesting.

"It says here," Starfire spoke up, pointing at an article, "that the pool of dead is doing quite well."

Beast Boy looked up at Starfire, confusion covering his face.

"The pool of dead?" he asked, unsure of what she meant.

She picked up the magazine and showed him the page, pointing at the article.

"Yes, the pool of dead is doing quite well with the audiences," she repeated.

"Deadpool, Starfire. It's Deadpool," Beast Boy corrected.

"Ah, Deadpool," Starfire repeated, looking back at the article. "This movie looks quite entertaining. May we watch it at some point?"

"Sure, Star," Beast Boy repeated. He wasn't sure if Starfire would like the movie or not. It's not that he thought that it was a bad movie. In fact, he thought it was one of the great masterpieces of his time. But it was, nonetheless, very different than the types of movies that Starfire watched. He wouldn't mind seeing it again though, and he knew that Cyborg wouldn't mind at all either.

Smiling happily to herself, they went back to their respective articles. They continued reading through the magazines. A few minutes later, Beast Boy spoke up.

"By the way, Star, thank you," he said.

"For what?" she asked.

"For taking care of me. Now that I know that those are memories and not dreams, I can remember how much you helped me out a few months ago. I really appreciate it," he said, referring to the events that took place months ago. It was still shocking to him, though, that that actually happened. It was embarrassing for him. He felt revealed, naked almost, about what had happened.

"There is no need for thanks. It was my pleasure," she said, a smile covering her face. "Besides, despite what had happened, you were a joy to care of as a child!"

They both shared a small smile before returning back to their magazines. They both truly enjoyed these moments they got to share with one another. Beast Boy felt the calmest he had since the trip was announced. Despite how persistently low his mood was as of late, he felt occasional moments of happiness or bliss, such as moments like this. He just hoped that the lighter mood would last him for a while.

Starfire continued to reminisce to herself about the memories of when Beast Boy had been Garfield with them. It had been an extremely sad and concerning time for everyone, seeing their friend so miserable. But, during the lighter moments, they had truly enjoyed his presence. Despite his hardships, his childlike innocence would still shine through on occasion, lighting up their worlds. She desperately hoped that he would soon regain his happiness. She couldn't bear to see her friend in so much pain, and it warmed her heart greatly to see him look so at peace at the moment. She hoped it would continue for some time, both for the sake of the team, and, more importantly, for Beast Boy.


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 20! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: And that's fine! I definitely agree that it would be an interesting development. I choose Starfire for that role for a few reasons. One is that I felt like I was using Raven too often as the comfort character, and I wanted to change that for a bit. Also, I used Starfire as the main comfort character in Childlike, and thought that it would be a nice connection between the two to have her have that role here too. I considered having Cyborg as that comfort character here, but couldn't come up with a scene that I liked as much as the necklace/hanging out scene. I'm glad you're enjoying the story! I'm finally on winter break and don't go back to my university for about 3 more weeks, so I really hope to upload a few times a week; it was really difficult to do that over the past semester. :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

The tower was remarkably quiet, just as was the city beyond the enormous windows. Beast Boy was sitting on the couch silently in the Main Ops room alone; he had earbuds in as he listened to music. The lights were all off with the exception of a small lamp located in the kitchen. He was staring out through the windows of the room, looking at the city across the water. He watched the lights from buildings and vehicles shift and change throughout the night. He was sure that he would be able to hear car horns and other city sounds, but the music that played into his ears drowned out those noises.

It was peaceful, to say the least. After hanging out with Starfire earlier in the day, he felt calm. It didn't stop the swirling storm inside him, but it did allow him moments of tranquility. Following their hanging out, he retreated back to his room with a few pieces of fruit and napped. He felt tired still despite all the sleep he had been getting. By the time he had woken up, it was nearly dark outside, so he ate some of the fruit and put the rest away for later. It was now nearing midnight, and he was the only Titan still awake.

It was confusing to him, everything that he had been feeling lately. It was familiar to him, having had dealt with it all as a child, but at the same time, it felt foreign. He had grown out of his depression as a child. It had taken a long time, but he eventually felt good again. It's not that he never felt the pain of it. It was always there, but it had just become weaker. The Doom Patrol, although they weren't completely aware of his history, knew that he struggled, and helped him through it all. They helped him get above the water that he felt he was drowning in. By the time he found the Titans, he was soaring well above the water. He was happy; happier than he had felt in a long, long time.

But all the feelings were coming back harder than ever, and it was terrifying. He didn't know what to do. He felt out of control. He didn't understand why it was coming back. He was living a good life; he had great friends, he enjoyed what he did, and he had an amazing girlfriend. But, despite that all, he felt like he was drowning again. As if there was a weight tied down to his ankle, pulling him down deeper and deeper. The blackness of the water surrounded his vision, the pressure crushing his body.

He allowed himself to sink deeper into the couch as the music blared through his ears. The music helped calm him further. He loved music, but then again, everyone did. Everyone had a different reason for enjoying music. Some liked to dance to it, some liked to sing, and some liked to get lost in it. That's where Beast Boy stood; he liked to get lost in it. He liked for the lyrics to fill his heart with emotion and for the beats to rummage through his soul. And as each beat poured through the earbuds, and as each verse was sang, he could feel himself relax. Music was understandable and relatable when nothing else seemed to be.

Despite this comfort though, his thoughts continued to roam. Nothing could drown out the thoughts and the feelings. He felt the pressure increasing through his body, the weight of the water pouring all over and around him. He supposed that's why he cut. He knew that different people did it for different reasons. Some experienced an overwhelming numbness and craved to actually feel. Some felt the opposite; they felt too much and craved for a release of those emotions. For him, he felt a pressure. Not a pressure to do something or to act a certain way, like a peer pressure, but something more abstract. An overwhelming pressure that threatened to consume him and his entire being. He would feel his chest tighten, as if he couldn't breathe. He would feel all of his muscles tighten, making his body stiff and shaky. And only when the blade would break his skin and the blood would pour out, would he feel that pressure release itself from his being. Of course, it would come back. It always came back. And each time it returned, it was stronger, requiring more skin to be broken, more blood to be shed. It was addicting. It wasn't as simple as just stopping or just suppressing the urge. If he didn't do it, his mind and body would scream at him, threatening him and filling him with dread until he gave in. And he hated it.

He quietly chuckled to himself, feeling his chest vibrate with each laugh.

He thought it was ironic almost. He caused himself such great pain just to get rid of another great pain, in the end just leading to an even greater pain. It was so obvious to him that what he was doing was wrong and that he needed to stop, but he wouldn't stop. He couldn't. Unfortunately, good reasoning and self-preservation didn't mix well with his depression, so there was no use in stopping in his mind.

He continued to stare out the window at the city. The sky was clear tonight; no clouds in sight. Stars littered the black sky, the moon beaming brightly against the darkness. Lights began to go out in the city as businesses closed and people went to sleep, causing the city to become even more still.

He was soon startled out of his thoughts when a hand landed on his shoulder, causing him to jump. He fell on the ground, staring at who had sneaked up behind him.

"Sorry, BB, didn't mean to scare you," Cyborg said as he made his way around the couch and offered a hand to his friend. Beast Boy took his hand and stood back up before sitting back on the couch.

"It's okay. I didn't hear you coming," Beast Boy responded, eliciting a chuckle from the metal man.

"That's obvious," he laughed, "I called your name out like three times, and you never responded. I could hear your music through your headphones all the way in the kitchen." Cyborg took a seat on the couch next to Beast Boy. "How ya doing?"

"Fine, I guess. I hung out with Star earlier, so that was nice," Beast Boy responded.

"Oh yeah, I heard about that. She was really excited and talking about it when she came down for dinner earlier. Which, by the way, you missed. When was the last time you ate?" Cyborg asked.

"I had a few pieces of fruit earlier," Beast Boy responded as he wrapped his earbuds wire around his Ipod.

"You need to be eating more, B," Cyborg said, noticing his friend's thinner frame. Beast Boy had definitely lost some weight since the trip, and his uniform was starting to somewhat hang off of certain parts of him.

"I'm not hungry," he responded.

Cyborg exhaled a deep breath.

"Still, hungry or not, you need to be eating. I'll even make you something vegetarian if you'll eat it," he offered.

"Thanks, Cy. Maybe some other time, though," Beast Boy said.

A silence grew between the two as they both watched out the window. More lights in the city began to disappear into the darkness as more people retired to their beds.

"Hey, man, I wanted to apologize about yesterday," Cyborg said, catching Beast Boy's attention. The green teen looked up at his friend. "I shouldn't have been so persistent in trying to get you to talk. I know it upset you, and I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Cy. I know you're just looking out for me. I didn't mean to blow up on you guys like that," Beast Boy responded, returning his gaze to the darkening city before him.

"I know," Cyborg responded, "We just wanted to make sure you're okay. We're concerned, B. We don't want to see anything happen to you. We want to help."

"I appreciate that, but I don't think you can help," the changeling said before dropping his voice to a quiet whisper, "I can't even help myself."

"We can still try though. You're not alone in this, B," Cyborg responded, pulling in his friend gently for a hug; he didn't want to aggravate his friend's arms.

They were silent for a few moments as they embraced. Soon, Beast Boy spoke up.

"Thanks, Cy," he whispered, wrapping his arms around his friend. He really did appreciate them trying to help, but he knew they couldn't. It was hopeless at this point. Beast Boy pulled away from the embrace. "I think I'm going to head to bed now. It's getting pretty late."

Beast Boy stood up and starting to walk towards the doors.

"Goodnight, Cy," he said before disappearing behind the doors.

"Night, B," he called out, hoping his friend heard. He sat there for a few moments longer, staring out at the dark city before standing up and heading to bed himself.


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 21! Hope you enjoy it!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: Thank you! I'm really glad that you liked that idea! And yeah! I'm so sorry that updates have been erratic over the last semester, but my goal is to finish uploading this story by the time I return to school in the next 3-4 weeks! Posting on this website can be confusing. It definitely took me a while to figure it out before I was able to upload Childlike. I'd be glad to discuss with you through the private messaging how to upload if you'd like! Thank you; I'm glad you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **RPGPersona: Definitely, yeah. It would've been a completely different outcome had Raven come to the door instead. And I've always imagined them like that too; I really wish the show would've shown more Beast Boy and Starfire moments. And yeah! Spending time around his friends is helpful, even if it feels forced! And depression is such a mystery; I hope I portrayed it somewhat realistically. I felt that the getting lost in music would be relatable to most if not all readers, so I'm glad that you and others are actually relating to that! And it's definitely an odd concept, and one that is hard to understand unless you've been through it yourself. In which case, it's probably best to not understand it. And I'm glad that showed through too. Although friends are certainly helpful in the healing process, they are by no means a cure. And regarding the Doom Patrol, I chose to let that be up to reader's own interpretation. I personally thought that he would have a difficult time opening up, and therefore they could only do so much in helping him to feel better and to be less destructive, while not really being able to help him heal in any way. I'm glad you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

"Breakfast is ready, y'all!" Cyborg yelled out to the four teens in the Main Ops room. Everyone had gotten up early and gathered this morning, which was the first time in what felt like a long time. Raven and Beast Boy were sitting at the kitchen table while she sipped on tea and he sat next to her. Robin and Starfire were sitting on the couch watching the news. Cyborg was in the kitchen stacking warm waffles on a plate. As promised, they were made with soy milk and an egg substitute so that they could be eaten by his vegetarian friend. He could suffer through the vegan breakfast as long as he got his friend to eat.

Robin and Starfire got up from the couch to join Raven and Beast Boy at the kitchen table as Cyborg brought over the plate of waffles and a bottle of syrup. The teens all sat down and started digging into the waffles, pouring the sugary goodness on top.

"Friend Cyborg, these are glorious!" Starfire beamed as she began to eat.

"Yeah, Cy, these are great. Thanks!" Robin agreed, stuffing another bite in his face.

"Thanks guys! Glad you like them. I've never used this recipe before," Cyborg responded, referring to the fact that they were vegan waffles.

Everyone was aware that they were vegan waffles, and even though Cyborg never said so, they knew that he made them specifically with Beast Boy in mind. They were all growing increasingly concerned for their friend, and they wanted to make sure that he was eating. They didn't want him falling into the same pattern as before.

The waffles were soon gone and Cyborg got up to put the dishes away in the sink. Beast Boy was about to get up to return to his room, but Robin approached him before he could.

"Beast Boy, can I talk to you real quick?" Robin asked his younger teammate.

"Um, sure, I guess," Beast Boy said.

Robin nodded and started to make his way out of the Main Ops room and into the hallway. Beast Boy stood up and followed.

As soon as they were out in the hallway, Robin turned to face Beast Boy.

"I wanted to check up on you and make sure you're okay," Robin said, his voice stern but worried.

"I'm fine," Beast Boy responded. He started to fidget with his fingers and hands, growing uncomfortable with this seemingly repeated conversation.

"Beast Boy, I'm serious. We know you're not fine. Just because the conversation from a few days ago is finished does not mean this conversation as a whole is done. This is a serious matter," he continued, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I said I'm fine! Look, I appreciate your concern and all but I don't need you guys constantly asking me if I'm okay or not!" Beast Boy said, his voice somewhat rising.

"If you would actually open up to us and let us know what's going on with you, we wouldn't have to constantly ask!" Robin retorted, his voice rising as well.

"I don't have time for this, Robin. Please just stop talking to me about it," Beast Boy said as he turned away from the Boy Wonder towards his room. He didn't get too far though before Robin grabbed his arm to hold him back. Beast Boy winced harshly, gritting his teeth.

Beast Boy stopped walking, but kept his back towards Robin. Robin approached him closer, still holding onto his arm. He pulled up his sleeve, revealing the red, mauled skin underneath. His wrist was covered in heated, crimson lines. Some of them were thin lines, whereas others were thicker due to the deepness of the wound. They started right at the base of his wrist, and were scattered all the way up to at least his elbow, which is where the sleeve was rolled up to. And this was only one wrist; he didn't know what the other one looked like, or any part of his body for that matter.

"Beast Boy," Robin said, lowering his voice, "This is why this is serious. This is why we keep asking you about it. You're keeping so much hidden from us, and it's obvious that you are in a lot of pain. We want to help you. Why won't you let us?"

"You can't help me. This is my problem, and I don't want any of you to get involved," Beast Boy responded, still not looking at Robin. Robin, wanting eye contact in this conversation, grabbed both of Beast Boy's shoulders and spun him to face him.

"We are involved, and we're going to remain involved. You are a part of this team, a part of this family, and we are not going to let you deal with this all by yourself," he said.

"You can't help me! Why can't any of you understand that?!" Beast Boy said, his voice somewhat rising again.

"We can help, but you won't let us! Tell me; how can we help you? What can we do to make this better?" Robin asked.

"I don't know! Maybe a bullet through the skull?" Beast Boy said, practically yelling at this point.

Robin looked stunned at that last statement, expecting anything but that. Beast Boy, on the other hand, looked irate.

"This isn't funny, Beast Boy," Robin said, his voice low.

"Never said it was," he responded, shaking his leader's hands off of his shoulders. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to my room. Alone." He turned and walked down the hallway, pulling his sleeve back down over his injuries. Soon, Robin was left alone in a state of shock. Knowing that it would be a bad idea to follow Beast Boy to his room, Robin turned back and went into the Main Ops room. He located Raven and walked over to the empath.

"Raven," he said, his voice near a whisper.

"Yes?" she responded, looking up from her book.

"I just spoke with Beast Boy. He's getting worse. I saw his wrist, and although I don't know how bad it was before, I know it's really bad now. He won't listen to me. He won't open up to me. Can you try talking with him?" he said, his voice still quiet.

"I've tried talking with him. He's stubborn. He refuses to let anyone in. I'll keep trying, but I can't make any promises on the matter," Raven responded, setting her book down completely. "Do you think right now would be a good time to talk with him?"

"Probably not. Our discussion got heated, and he's pretty mad. I don't think he'd be responsive to anymore attempts at the moment," Robin responded.

Raven nodded, taking in this information.

"I will talk with him later once he is hopefully calmed down," she said. She could feel waves of nervousness and uncertainty coming off of the boy in front of her. "Don't worry. We'll get to the bottom of this and everything will be okay."

"I hope so," Robin responded, letting out a deep breath. He stood up and walked out of the Main Ops room, leaving Raven behind in thought.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 22! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: He definitely isn't haha. He seems like someone much better suited for command rather than comfort. Raven seems much better suited at providing comfort. :)**

 **Allen Blaster: I considered doing that, but I figured it would be too much confrontation in one go. I have the next chapter written already, and although I don't have that happen, I hope you'll like what happens! And thank you! :)**

 **RPGPersona: They are definitely in a tricky place. It can be hard to break through peoples barriers, especially when they're that stubborn, but when there's that much tension, things are bound to explode. And definitely, sometimes words can be nice, but actions really need to be taken. :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

Beast Boy flew into his room through the window, instantly transforming back to his human self and stretching out his back. Flying was always a nice relief for him. After his earlier conversation with Robin, he felt incredibly frustrated. He felt the need to get out of the tower, as if the confines of his room were too suffocating. He felt jittery almost, so much anger residing in his body. He didn't know why he got so livid; he knew that Robin and the others were just trying to help, but it still rubbed him the wrong way. They had no idea what he was going through, and he wasn't about to tell them. He wasn't going to risk dragging them down with him.

Even after flying for the last few hours, he still felt upset. The anger had mostly died down, leaving a general frustration and stress behind in its place. He knew no amount of flying would relieve him of that stress, but something else would.

He walked over to his desk and opened up one of the drawers. When he immediately couldn't find it, he started moving around the contents of the drawer in search for it. Still, he couldn't find it.

"What the hell?" he mumbled to himself as he continued to rummage through it a second time. Soon, a voice rang out behind him.

"Looking for this?" Raven asked in her monotone as she stepped out from his bottom bunk. She had been hidden from his view when he first entered his room, oblivious to the fact that there was even another human presence there. In her hand was a silver blade with dried blood on the edge.

Beast Boy stared at her in disbelief, feeling a panic rise up in him. He didn't know why he felt the panic; he knew that it was only a matter of time before she searched his room for his tools. He had expected it to happen sooner ever since she discovered his wounds.

"Where did you…how did you…uh," Beast Boy uttered, not able to form a sentence out of his rapid thoughts.

"It wasn't that hard to find. Also, that blood stain on the floor is new," she said, pointing out the dark crimson stain next to his desk from a few nights ago. She encased the blade in her dark energy and broke it into many small pieces, rendering it useless.

"Why are you taking it?" he asked, his voice quiet.

"Why am I taking it? Why do you think I'm taking it? Robin told me how bad your wrist was earlier today. This is getting out of hand, Gar. You need to stop hurting yourself," she responded, stepping closer to him.

"You think I have a choice in stopping?" he said, somewhat laughing, "If I had a choice in the matter, do you think I'd still be doing it? Do you think I would choose to do this to myself?"

Raven stared at him, confused at what he was saying.

"What do you mean you don't have a choice? You're the one hurting yourself," she said. She wasn't yelling at him or accusing him, but rather simply asking him out of curiosity.

"If I could go back in time and never start cutting when I was younger, I would in a heartbeat. It starts off as a choice, Raven. A temporary relief. But once you start, you can't stop. Trust me, I've tried," he said, his voice sounding sad.

"But you've stopped before. You haven't cut in years," Raven said.

"Yes I have. I did it a lot as a kid, and then I started doing it less often. I've been doing it this entire time, just not that much. True, it has definitely picked up lately, but it's not new. I haven't stopped, Raven. I never had," he admitted.

Raven looked at him shocked. She never realized the pain he had been putting himself through all these years. She had no idea that he had been doing this the whole time.

"Have you tried to stop?" she asked, her voice quiet now.

"Of course I've tried! I've tried so many times. Nothing else works for me. I can't stop doing it. Even when I try, the urge is there, and if I don't give into the urge, it just keeps getting stronger and stronger," he explained.

She had no idea that self-harm was addictive. She thought he had complete control over the matter, purposefully choosing to hurt himself. But now, knowing that he didn't have control, she knew that the situation just got a lot more complicated. It was harder to stop an addiction than a habit.

"We can help you stop, Beast Boy. Please, let us try. Let me try! I will do anything I can to help you get rid of the urges!" she pleaded, stepping closer to him so that they were mere inches apart.

"You can try all you want, but it won't make a difference, Raven. It's been too many years. I'm in too deep, and there's no going back for me," he said to her, his voice barely audible.

Raven pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly against her body.

"It may not make a difference, but I will still try. I promise you that it will get better. I'll make sure of it," she said, her voice muffled in his shirt.

Beast Boy didn't respond, but rather just hugged her back. Soon, they departed from the hug and made their way over to Beast Boy's bed where they laid down in an embrace, eventually falling asleep. Raven held onto him tightly, not wanting him to leave her sight. She was going to help him, whether he liked it or not. She was sure of that.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 24! Hope you enjoy it!**

 **RPGPersona: The situation is certainly coming to a point where help is going to need to be forced rather than welcomed. And quitting cold turkey is rarely helpful, but may be required. It's safe to say that it's a tricky situation, one with no clear answer. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: It was definitely a good thing for her to do! And it's definitely a hard habit to recover from, but very possible at the same time. I wasn't too happy with how short it was, but I feel like some chapters just need to be shorter while others longer. Glad you're enjoying it! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

Despite Raven taking his blade, the urges continued. And whenever the impulse would strike, it needed to be fulfilled. There was no stopping it, no matter how much the team tried. Soon after the destruction of his tool, he found more. He destroyed more pencil sharpeners and stole a knife from the kitchen. Instead of hiding them in his desk like last time, he placed them in much more veiled spaces, and each of them were in separate spots in case one was discovered. A few of the blades were kept hidden underneath the bottom bunk mattress. One was kept in a bedside table. The knife, which was significantly more difficult to hide due to its size, was tucked away in the closet.

Weeks were passing by, each one bringing with it more seclusion and more apprehension. Beast Boy was isolating himself away from the team, even going as far as to isolate himself from Raven. All the team members tried to talk to him. They would stand outside of his door and plead for him to come out. At first, he would respond, sometimes even coming to the door. His responses would be short, no emotion in his voice. They could see the deep bags underneath his eyes from his restless sleeps despite the fact that he would sleep most of the day. They would offer him food, but he would typically decline. Eventually, he stopped responding. If they were persistent enough, they could usually get a muffled response from him, but nothing more. Even though they knew that every day would bring the same response, they still tried endlessly. Every day, Raven would bring a tray of food to Beast Boy's door. The tray would always be taken into the room, the empty tray being placed outside once again.

The team was growing restless with the situation. He was becoming even more secretive. There was always a subtle hint of the smell of blood emanating from his room, as well as the occasional stifled weeping. They had truly believed that he would be willing to open up to them and allow them to help, but with each passing day, they knew that the likelihood of that happening was becoming slimmer and slimmer. It didn't help that there hadn't been any calls from the JCPD in the past few weeks. With no missions or crime to fight, their restless energy was spent in other activities.

Starfire delved into her cooking, constantly trying new Tamaranean recipes for her and her friends to try. There was always an abundance of the pudding of sadness, although Starfire was the only one to consume it. Cyborg spent most of his time down in the garage working on the T-car and other activities. He had originally tried to spend his time playing video games, but he couldn't get into the games knowing that his friend was falling apart. Robin spent most of his time in his office, obsessively going over crime reports from old missions in an attempt to focus his mind on something else. Raven, perhaps arguably the most affected by Beast Boy's seclusion, spent the majority of her time meditating and reading. Her first impulse was to seclude herself as well, locked in her dark room. But she knew that remaining in the presence of the team was important for both her well-being and the well-being of her other teammates. They were all taking the situation difficultly, and none of them had any ideas as to what to do to help. They felt stuck.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime of empty, nervous days and weeks, the crime alert rang out through the tower, staining the walls a flashing red. Cyborg, Starfire, and Raven ran into the Main Ops room, finding Robin already at the computer reading over the alarm.

"What's up, Robin?" Cyborg spoke.

"It's André le Blanc. He's robbing a bank downtown," Robin announced. Before he could speak again, the Main Ops room doors swooshed open. All the Titans turned around and stared at the green teen who had entered the room.

"Beast Boy," Raven gasped. All four teens stared wide eyed at Beast Boy, who was just standing in the doorway awkwardly.

The most obvious change in their friend, by far, was his weight. His cheeks were sunken in, his skin pale and dull. His uniform hung off his body loosely. His hair was messy and tangled, and was long enough to start covering his eyes. His eyes looked lifeless yet nervous, darting around from teen to teen before finally settling on something random in the distance. He slowly began to walk to the computer, but kept his distance from the teens. His gait was somewhat shaky, but he held his own nonetheless.

"Friend Beast Boy! It is so good to see you once again!" Starfire said. Unable to hold herself back, she flew rapidly towards the changeling and embraced him in a strong hug, nearly knocking him to the ground. The other three teens approached the two.

"Hey B, it's been awhile," Cyborg said, shocked to see his friend in such a condition.

Beast Boy simply nodded, not speaking.

"Are you planning on coming with us on this mission?" Robin asked, eyeing the frail boy up and down.

"Of course. I'm still a part of this team, aren't I?" he said, his voice was scratchy, as if it hadn't been used much as of late.

"Yes, of course you are. It's just," Robin looked at the other teens briefly before continuing, "We haven't seen you lately and didn't think you'd be up for a mission."

"I'm fine," Beast Boy retorted.

It was beyond obvious that he wasn't fine, but they didn't want to push it into an argument; an argument about this was the last thing that any of them needed.

"Fine. But please try to be careful on this mission," Robin said. He would make sure to look out for his younger teammate during the battle, and he knew the others would as well. He was also aware that it probably wasn't the best idea to allow Beast Boy to come on the mission, but the changeling was so stubborn and fighting with him was basically pointless. "Titans, let's go."

All of the Titans headed out towards the city. Starfire flew ahead, while Robin and Cyborg went in the T-car. Raven and Beast Boy flew out as well, together. They soon arrived at the bank where André le Blanc was illegally taking out money.

"Hon-hon-hon, well if it isn't the Titans," André le Blanc laughed as he saw the Titans approaching him. He was standing in the money vault, quickly filling a white sac to the brim with large bills.

"It's over, André. I suggest you surrender now," Robin stated sternly, eyeing the Frenchman.

"You are no match for moi, Titans!" the Frenchman yelled as he threw the sac over his shoulder and began to run.

"Titans, GO!" Robin yelled, and the teens took off.

Starfire and Raven immediately took to the air and sped towards André le Blanc. Starfire shot starbolts down at the man while he dodged them. Raven encased different large items in the bank in her dark energy and threw them towards him.

"You think you can stop me, but you are wrong!" André laughed once again, making his way towards the bank exit.

Cyborg shot his sonic cannon at the man, knocking him to the ground.

"Sacré bleu!" the Frenchman yelled as he hit the ground in shock. He stood back up shakily, grabbed his money sac once again and continued towards the exit.

Robin threw a birdarang at the man, tearing the money bag. Some of the money started to seep through the hole, but André le Blanc did not notice and continued to the door. Suddenly, the Frenchman stopped cold as he looked up in horror at the empath as she rose up in front of him, eyes glowing. She encased his bag in her energy and removed it from him, leaving him standing there alone. He pulled a rope out of his pocket to throw at the empath, but she encased it as well in her dark energy and tied the man up with it.

"Euh, je suis dans le pétrin," he laughed shakily. He tried to escape from the tightly bound ropes, but could not.

"It's over, André," Robin stated as he stood before the Frenchman on the ground, who pouted at his defeat.

Beast Boy went over to the money that had spilled from the bag and began to pick it up. Once it was all retrieved, he carried it over to the discarded money bag, which he then picked up and handed to a bank security guard. He then rejoined his team as the JCPD handled André le Blanc.

"That was most easy!" Starfire stated happily, clasping her hands in front of her chest. "To celebrate, shall we go out for the pizza?"

"That sounds great, Star," Robin agreed.

"Let's head out then! I could use some pizza," Cyborg stated, and they started heading towards the exit. When they noticed the absence of a certain changeling, they turned back to see him still standing where he was.

"Beast Boy, aren't you coming?" Robin asked, hoping that he would say yes.

"I'm not that hungry. I think I'm just going to head back to the tower," he said. Before he could depart, though, Raven emerged from the ground behind him and began to push him forward towards the rest of the team. His eyes were wide, not expecting the sudden ambush.

"Hungry or not, you're going to eat. You need to get out of your room and be social with us. You can go back to the tower later when we all go back," she said, pushing him until he was standing next to Starfire. Instead of responding, he simple let out a deep breath of defeat.

They started walking towards the pizza parlor. They didn't get far though. After only a few blocks of walking, Raven noticed Beast Boy pale considerably all of the sudden.

"Beast Boy, are you alright?" she asked, latching onto his shoulder. She could feel his body shaking ever so slightly.

"Yeah, I'm fi-ine," he mumbled as he fainted, falling towards the ground. Luckily, Raven caught him before he made contact with the pavement and slowly lowered him to the ground. All the teens crouched around him, surprise and concern covering their faces.

"What has happened?" Starfire asked nervously.

Cyborg scanned Beast Boy's body with his arm scanner, looking for any abnormalities in his health.

"Think he just passed out. Probably from hunger or dehydration," the metal man said. "We need to get him back to the tower. I need to put an IV line in him."

Cyborg picked up his friend as Raven created a portal to the tower. All the teens stepped through it and into the Main Ops room. Cyborg immediately began heading to the infirmary, the other teens following closely behind. As soon as he made it to the room, Cyborg set the smaller boy onto a table and brought an IV stand closer to him. He began to prepare the saline drip and the needle as the other teens stood off near the wall closest to Beast Boy.

Cyborg approached Beast Boy's unconscious body, IV drip ready. He grabbed one of his arms and paused for a moment. He took a deep breath to prepare for what he was about to potentially see before rolling the sleeve up. No amount of preparation could have readied him for what was under the sleeve; there was a collective gasp from all the teens.

Beast Boy's arm, which was much thinner than normal, was covered in cuts. The green skin was angry and crimson, some areas purple and bruised. Some of the wounds were very deep, exposing thin layers of fat underneath. Beast Boy had obviously tried to keep care with those more serious wounds, as there were band aids placed on top of those, attempting to pull the meat back together. Other wounds were not as deep, but they were plentiful. There seemed to be hundreds of the smaller wounds littered up and down his arm. They even traveled up onto his bicep. They imagined they traveled up higher onto his shoulder, but it was still covered by his uniform.

"Ah man," Cyborg uttered quietly, not expecting to see his friend's injuries to the extent that they were at. He began to place the IV line into the crook of Beast Boy's elbow, easily finding a vein. He started pumping the saline through the dehydrated and malnourished boy. He then moved over to a medical cabinet and started rummaging through the contents, soon finding the materials he needed. He walked back over to his friend and started sanitizing and prepping his arm, as well as giving him a general anesthetic so that he wouldn't wake up during the procedure. "He needs stitches."

He started to stitch up the deeper wounds, and after quite some time, one arm was completed. He then moved to the other arm and pulled up that sleeve. It looked to be about the same as the previous arm. He sanitized and stitched up those wounds as well.

"Raven, do you know if he does this in any other spots besides his arms?" Cyborg asked.

"I know he's done it on his thighs before, but otherwise, no. I don't know of other spots," she replied.

Cyborg pulled down Beast Boy's pants just enough to see onto his thighs. They had some wounds as well, but not nearly as many that were on his arms.

"He's going to need stitches here as well," he said gravely. Cyborg got the changeling's thighs exposed and ready for stitches while making sure that more private areas on the boy's lower body were covered. Since there were fewer wounds on his thighs, the stitches didn't take nearly as long. Before he put away his medical supplies, Cyborg briefly checked over the rest of his body to see if there were any more wounds, but he couldn't find any. "He should wake up in a few hours. When he does, I'll administer a pain medication so he doesn't feel the stitches too much."

"I'll stay with him," Raven said, choosing to take watch. The other teens nodded solemnly and headed out of the infirmary. Raven took a seat next to Beast Boy and held one of his hands in between both of hers. She laid her head down on his chest and lightly stroked her thumb across the back of his hand. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest underneath her head, and it slowly lulled her into a restless sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 24! I hope you enjoy!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I can understand where you're coming from, and I don't think you're being mean at all. I do agree that the way he is reacting may be over the top for the difficulties he has had, but there's also a mental aspect that goes along with it. Depression is rarely just situational; there's often a biological aspect as well. People who have conditions such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder often react in extreme ways to things that healthy people wouldn't ordinarily react to, and it's generally not in their control. So to a healthy person, his reaction is extreme. But to someone who has dealt with mental illness, his reaction is pretty standard. Even then so, everyone who does experience depression or some sort of other mental illness is going to react and handle it differently, and Beast Boy happens to handle it pretty poorly. And I agree that sometimes anger works much, much better than compassion, and the two often come hand in hand in this type of situation. And I'm glad you liked the chapter! :)**

 **RPGPersona: Things have certainly escalated. If his problems weren't obvious enough to his team before, they definitely are now. And I agree, he's lucky that it wasn't against someone competent. Although collapsing from malnourishment is definitely not a good thing in and of itself, it does allow for the situation to change in hopefully a more positive manner if handled correctly. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it :)**

* * *

The first thing he noticed as he emerged from his groggy slumber was the compression of one of his hands. It felt warm and comforting, and helped soothe the confusion he felt as his mind cleared. The last thing he remembered was walking in the city with his friends, and then everything went dizzy and black. As he pushed through the cloudiness in his mind further, more things leaked into his consciousness. He was suddenly very aware of a stinging pain all down his arms and on his thighs, and it was different than the burning he normally felt there. He shifted uncomfortably, the pain easing into his awareness more and more.

As he shifted, the compression on his hand tightened as if to hold him in reality. He heard mumbled noise, slowly becoming clearer and clearer.

"Beast Boy," the voice said urgently. It was a female's voice, and it was very familiar. It reassured him. He felt a warm hand caressing his cheek carefully and heard the voice again. "Beast Boy."

He mumbled out an unintelligible murmur of affirmation. He heard the sound of some sort of device being clanked around before hearing the loving voice again.

"Cyborg, I think he's waking up," the voice said before the device closed.

He just barely opened his eyes and was immediately assaulted by the fluorescent lights above, eliciting another murmur from his mouth.

"Beast Boy," he heard the voice again, now recognizing its owner.

"Rae," he whispered as he attempted to open his eyes again. He saw the empath sitting next to him. She was holding one of his hands in her own, her other hand resting on his cheek. Her expression was one of distress. Her eyes were wide and full of concern, her touch soft and caring. "What…what happened?" he mumbled.

"You passed out. We were heading downtown to the pizza parlor and you collapsed. We brought you back to the tower and put an IV line in you. You're extremely dehydrated and malnourished," she explained.

He looked down at the IV line in the crook of his elbow, and saw the plethora of stitches surrounding it.

"You stitched me up?" he asked quietly.

"No, Cyborg did," she explained. As if on cue, the metal man walked into the infirmary.

"Hey, B," he said solemnly as he approached the two.

"Hey buddy," Beast Boy uttered.

Cyborg walked over to a table that was near the two and grabbed a syringe with a pain killer in it. He then walked back over to his friend. Beast Boy eyed the syringe nervously, and Cyborg took notice of this.

"I'm going to give you a dose of pain medicine through your IV line. If you still need some when this wears off, I have some pills you can take. I imagine you're feeling the stitches quite a bit," Cyborg explained as he injected the clear fluid through the line.

Beast Boy nodded. "Yeah. The stitches kinda sting."

"I bet. This medicine should kick in soon enough, though," he said. Once the injection was done, he set the empty syringe back on the medical table and took a seat next to his younger friend. "We need to talk, B."

Beast Boy gulped nervously, suddenly wishing for nothing more than to escape back to his room to be alone.

"This is getting really serious, and we need to do something about it. You can't keep living like this," Cyborg said, his human eye expressing sorrow.

"He's right, Beast Boy. This is getting really severe. I took your blade away, but it's obvious that you found another," Raven added, noting the wounds on his arms.

"I'm fine, really. Nothing to worry about," Beast Boy retorted, craving for the conversation to end.

"Really? Nothing to worry about? You've barely left your room in the last few weeks, you've barely eaten anything in the last few weeks, and you're hurting yourself really severely. That seems like more than enough to worry about," Cyborg countered.

"Uh…," Beast Boy started before being interrupted.

"You've made yourself so dehydrated and so malnourished that you passed out! This isn't healthy, and you know it!" Cyborg continued, his voice somewhat rising now.

"But I'm not hungry," Beast Boy said.

"I don't give a damn if you're hungry or not, B! If you don't start eating, I'm gonna shove a tube down your nose and force feed you," he said, practically yelling at this point.

Beast Boy visibly tensed at that last statement, and Raven could feel his nervousness rising at the possibility. Cyborg, taking notice of the younger boy's stress, lowered his voice.

"Beast Boy, all of us care about you so much and we hate to see you in so much pain. You need to get help. You can't keep living like this," Cyborg said, his voice still firm, but now more caring.

Despite his best attempts not to, Beast Boy's eyes started watering. Both Cyborg and Raven noticed this at once. Raven, who was still holding onto his hand, gripped it harder and brought it closer to her. Cyborg set his hand down on his friend's shoulder and started rubbing it, providing comfort. Before he could stop it, the tears started flowing from his eyes. It started out as one stream, but soon became uncontrollable floods.

Raven, aware and careful of the IV line and the brand new stitches, picked up Beast Boy and embraced him tightly in a hug. He returned the hug and tightly wrapped his arms around her, ignoring the tug of the IV and the pain of the stitches. Cyborg joined in the hug, wrapping his arms around Beast Boy from his side.

"It's okay, don't worry," Raven whispered into his ear as she rubbed his back.

His tears continued strong, but after a few minutes, slowed and eventually came to a stop. He departed from the hug, and Cyborg and Raven returned to their seats. Beast Boy remained sitting up, wrapping his shaking arms around his abdomen.

"I'm sorry," Beast Boy apologized, his voice barely audible, "I didn't mean to break down like that."

"You don't need to apologize for that, Beast Boy. It's fine. We understand," Raven said, grabbing his hand again and rubbing it with her thumb.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. There's nothing wrong in crying," Cyborg agreed.

Beast Boy simply nodded, not trusting his voice to speak.

"I'm going to run up to the kitchen and get you something small to eat, okay?" Cyborg said. His eyes met with Beast Boy's. They looked broken, destroyed.

Beast Boy nodded, not wanting to argue with his best friend. With that, Cyborg stood up and left the infirmary. After a few moments of silence, Raven spoke up.

"Beast Boy," she said. He looked up to meet her eyes. "Are you going to eat what Cyborg brings down?"

"I'll try, I guess," he responded.

"Please do. I know you're not hungry, but your body still needs the nourishment. Besides, maybe eating will help lift your spirits somewhat," she offered.

"I doubt it," he responded, breaking the eye contact.

"I'm not going to say I understand what you're going through, because I don't. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling lately. But, I can promise you that it will get better. Those feelings cannot and will not last forever," she stated.

"I know, but it doesn't feel like it'll get better, ya know? It feels as if it's made a permanent home in my mind. I don't know how to make it go away, and it's driving me insane. I hate it so much, Rae," he said, his voice broken.

"I know. I hate it too. We all do. We hate to see you in so much pain. You don't deserve any of it. But you're strong, and you're a fighter. You don't need to know how to make it go away. You just need to keep fighting it, and you'll win," she said.

Beast Boy didn't respond, and Raven knew that he needed some silence for the moment. She continued to rub his hand with her thumb and they waited for Cyborg to return with the food.


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 25! Hope you enjoy it!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: Yeah, he's starting to realize just how serious his situation is. And Cyborg's outburst really help to put it in perspective for him. I'm glad you liked that chapter! The climax of the story is about to hit and things are going to get a bit rocky, but I hope you'll continue to enjoy it! There's approximately 11 chapters remaining, and I think you'll like what I have set up in them! :)**

 **RPGPersona: That's definitely true; no matter how much he wants to isolate himself, his friends will not allow it in the slightest. And definitely, I agree. Crying is a great release of emotion. And a constant IV line/feeding tube would likely become a requirement if it continues, one that Cyborg made very clear to Beast Boy. And I would agree; it was a mistake to let him out on that last mission, and the team can't afford to make that same mistake again for the foreseeable future. And Raven's presence is usually helpful and comforting, so it should be good for him. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

The atmosphere in the tower had been dismal, to say the least, after what had happened. After Beast Boy had gotten stitched up and rehydrated by Cyborg, he was allowed to leave the infirmary. Luckily, when Cyborg had brought food to the changeling when he woke up, he ate it. He was slow about it, but nonetheless ate it, which satisfied the team. After he left the infirmary, he went straight to his room and locked himself in. He made a point to come out on occasion to please his teammates, but otherwise remained isolated.

They had been shocked to see how damaged his arms and legs were becoming. It seemed as if whenever new wounds were discovered, they were increasingly more severe and dangerous, which concerned the team greatly. Even though Raven had taken his blade a few weeks back, they weren't ignorant enough to believe that that would be the end of his self-injury. They knew better than that. But they were still unprepared for the extent of damage to which they saw. They knew that they needed to do something and fast, but they had no idea where to start. Words seemed to not be getting through with him, and they knew of no other methods. They didn't want to force anything upon him, but the possibility of that happening was growing more and more likely with each passing day. They couldn't just sit around idly and hope that it would get better.

They did think he was making improvements though. He would leave his room for meals, which forced him to be social. He had no more fainting spells, and was finally becoming nourished once again. He wasn't really putting weight back on, but they didn't expect him to. They were just glad to see him willingly eating again and outside of his dark room. But, this of course never lasted long. As soon as the meal was done, he would escape back into his depressive solitude with the door locked behind him. On occasion, Raven would phase through his door to see him. Sometimes, it was to just simply be social with him. She missed seeing him regularly and just being with him. More often though, it was to check in on him. Usually, he would be asleep on his bed in a messy tangle of covers. There was always, without fail, a slight tinge of blood in the air. She had tried to search for his new blades, but was never able to find them. Wherever they were kept, they were well concealed.

Despite what improvements Beast Boy was seemingly making on the outside, on the inside, the war worsened. He felt like his life was crumbling apart piece by piece, and he had no idea what to do about it. He knew how much his friends cared about him, and that meant the world to him. But no amount of caring words and loving embraces could erase the demons from inside his mind. It wasn't something that would just go away. It's not something that could be fixed through friendship and love. He wished it worked that way, though. It would make things a hell of a lot easier. He also knew what Raven had said to him was true, but it still seemed impossible. He knew that it wouldn't last forever, but it didn't feel that way. Whatever rational thoughts that his mind contained seemed to be foggy and pushed far, far away from the surface. He felt like he was drowning, destined to be in this constant state of misery for the entirety of his existence. But despite all the intense pain that he felt, there was also an intense numbness that spread throughout his chest. It felt as if he couldn't feel emotion, or perhaps the emotion took too much energy and effort to feel. But, of course, the emotion would come roaring back after the periods of numbness. It felt like a sword being ripped down his body, tearing himself in two. It was quickly becoming unbearable, and he feared that there was no going back at this point.

He felt the pressure rising in his chest, growing more and more uncomfortable.

 _I've been like this my whole life. I barely even know what it's like to not feel this way. It's always been there, even if it's just looming in the distance,_ he thought to himself.

He was sitting on his bed as he stared up at the ceiling. He felt tired like he always did, but no matter how much he tried, sleep would not come to him. It was as if his mind refused to be shut off, and rather it chose to intrude deeply on his dark thoughts.

 _Who am I kidding? Raven doesn't know what she's talking about. None of them do. None of them understand what I'm going through. It's never going to get better._

He started getting fidgety. His mind wouldn't shut off, and it was driving him mad. Despite how much he loathed the periods of numbness, he prayed for one now. Sometimes, the emptiness that came with numbness was preferable over the heaviness that came with emotion. He gripped the sides of his head tightly as if to force out his thoughts. He rolled back and forth, trying to escape them. But he, of course, was not granted that pleasure.

He rolled off the side of the bed, hitting the floor hard. After a moment of being dazed, he quickly got a hold of his surroundings. His room was messy and dark, and it reeked of blood. He peered out the window, seeing the nightlife that was held behind it. It was just past midnight. Most everyone was asleep, but of course, some people never rested in Jump.

The fidgeting continued, accompanied by a swelling pressure. He couldn't sit still; he felt like he needed to do something, as if he craved it. He went to his bedside table and pulled out the blade from it. He held the piece of metal in his hand and studied it. It glistened in the lights that poured in from the city. There was dried blood covering it, and some parts were beginning to rust. He knew he should've been concerned about the rust getting in his skin, but he didn't care. He pulled up his sleeve and began slicing away. It almost became routine at this point. He barely noticed it anymore since he was so used to it. Usually, this would have fulfilled his urge, but it didn't. And that frustrated him.

He rolled up the other sleeve and did it more, this time deeper. At first, he tried to avoid the areas with stitches in them since they were still healing, but eventually, he threw caution to the wind and ignored them completely, instead choosing to cut through them. It felt odd to slice through them, but satisfying nonetheless. Everything about self-harm was horrible, but perhaps the most dangerous thing about it was the constant need to intensify it. Eventually, shallow cuts would no longer be satisfying. More cuts and deeper wounds would be needed to satisfy that urge. But then, of course, those would eventually no longer be satisfying as well.

The blood dripped from his arms and onto the floor. The urge was increasing. He felt like he needed to jump out of his skin and escape his body. The scent of blood filled his nose. It used to be overpowering for him considering his sensitive smell, but he had since grown used to its presence.

He set the bloodied blade down and went to his closet. He felt as if his skin was crawling, itching, craving destruction that he couldn't provide nearly enough of. His mind was spinning and he was starting to lose full awareness of his surroundings. Everything was colliding and melding with its surroundings. Noises seemed distant and incomprehensible. Lights swirled around. He was sure not all the lights he saw were real, but he paid little attention to it. He needed to do something and fast. It was as if he didn't know what he needed to do, but his body and mind did, so it took over. He felt as if he was simply floating, detached from the world. His mind screamed at him.

When he arrived at his closet, he began to rummage around its contents in search of the knife he had hidden. Perhaps the knife was what he needed. It could, of course, provide deeper wounds than the pencil sharpener blades. And the pain would be different. Maybe it would be enough. He soon found the knife, but also found something else. His hands latched onto a rope that was hidden away in his closet. He didn't know how it had gotten there or how long it had been stored there, but it didn't matter to him. He removed both the knife and the rope from his closet and returned to his bed, setting the latter down next to him.

He sliced the knife blade through his skin, carving the flesh. The pain was much different, and the wounds were much deeper. His green skin was barely noticeable underneath the crimson that was pooling. He felt as if he was losing his mind, losing his grip on reality. He began laughing, but wasn't completely aware of it. Like the noises of the city, this too seemed distant and incomprehensible. His laughter soon became muddled with sobs as he continued to slice the knife through his skin. The knife dropped from his hands, too slippery from the blood to maintain a steady grip on its handle. It clattered to the ground, splattering tiny speckles of blood onto his face. Before he knew it, his hands were clutched tightly around the rope and he knew what to do.


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 26! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Allen Blaster: Hopefully someone can save him or stop him in time! Next chapter will show what happens. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Adrinsane: Hopefully someone can get to him in time! Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **RPGPersona: Yes, his improvement has been short lived. And his mental state has declined pretty rapidly, almost to a state of near delirium. Self-preservation has definitely gone out the window at this point. And that would probably be the smartest thing to do; when a person shows that they can't be trusted on their own, that privilege of isolation and privacy is lost. And I agree completely; there's very little that the others can do that will cause greater damage than what he has done to himself at this point. I hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I can understand that; when I was writing it and re-reading it, I could feel the pain as well and it was pretty uncomfortable. I'm sorry to hear that you're sick! I hope you get better soon! Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing; I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

Robin couldn't sleep, but he didn't know why. It was as if something was preventing him from catching some shut eye. After a few hours of rolling around relentlessly in bed, he got up and decided to head down to the kitchen to get something to eat. The hallways of the tower were dark and quiet. All the teens had gone to bed hours ago, leaving just him up. His footsteps echoed off the walls as he passed by each teen's room since it was so silent. When he came to the end of the hallway though, that silence was interrupted by a loud crashing noise. He turned to look at where the noise had come from, and came face to face with Beast Boy's room.

Following the crash, there was near silence. There were a few muffled sounds, but nothing nearly as startling. Robin knocked on the younger boy's door quietly so he wouldn't risk waking up his nearby teammates.

"Beast Boy," he loudly whispered through the door as he knocked. He received no response. Although it was possible that it was just some random noise he heard, he didn't want to risk it. Something felt off, and it traveled down his bones and kept him on his toes. He knocked again. "Beast Boy, are you alright?" There was still no response. He took in a deep breath before knocking again. "Beast Boy, if you don't respond in the next ten seconds, I'm coming in." Ten seconds soon passed, and he was still left without an answer. Robin typed in the override code on the boy's door, and the doors swooshed open.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. He felt panic spread rapidly through his veins as he ran towards his friend. In the center of the room, Beast Boy was hanging from a rope. There was a chair knocked down beside him, and Robin assumed that was what had caused the crashing noise.

"Holy shit," Robin gasped. He found the bloodied knife next to Beast Boy's bed. He picked it up and sliced the rope. He grabbed his friend as he fell and gently lowered him to the ground. He carefully cut the rope from his neck, taking extra precautions to not accidently slice his throat. "Someone! Help!" Robin shouted as loud as his lungs could allow. "Please!" he shouted again. He heard muffled confusion down the hall as the teens responded to his pleas, and soon loud footsteps.

Cyborg was the first to arrive. He paused in the doorway briefly, feeling the air leave his lungs. "Oh my God," he uttered in disbelief.

Robin placed a hand on Beast Boy's artery in his neck, checking for his heartbeat.

"He doesn't have a pulse. He needs CPR, now," Robin announced, and Cyborg ran forward towards the two.

The first thing Cyborg noticed was the abundance of blood that surrounded his friend. His arms were all red, no green in sight. The blood was soaked on the front of his uniform and spread down his legs. There were splatters of blood on his face and hair. The next thing he noticed was the broken noose that laid beside him.

"Did he…is he…," Cyborg muttered, in deep fear for his friends life.

"I found him hanging. I cut him down as soon as I found him. I don't know how long he had been hanging, but I don't think long," Robin reported. He noticed how Beast Boy's uniform was aiding in cutting off circulation to his neck. He took the knife and sliced the uniform off his body and removed it, leaving his upper body bare.

Cyborg immediately began chest compressions. His limbs were shaking violently as he repeatedly pressed strongly into his friend's chest, but he powered through. Soon, Raven and Starfire arrived at the door. Starfire let out a loud gasp.

"No…," Raven said, her voice low and full of emotion. The two ran over to where the boys were and kneeled down next to them. "What…what happened?" Raven asked.

"I found him hanging from a noose. I don't think he was hanging for long before I found him, but he doesn't have a pulse and he's not breathing," Robin replied. Soon, after 30 chest compressions, Robin angled the boy's head back to open the airway and gave him two breaths. He then checked for a pulse and breathing, but there was none. Cyborg continued with 30 more compressions.

Starfire was in tears as she stared at the scene before her. Raven looked at the scene in complete shock, all the color draining from her face. Tears threatened to spill over, but she refused to let them shed now. Different things in the room started to be encased in her dark energy, lifting into the air. Raven silently chanted her mantra to herself, and the objects were released.

Robin went back down to give two more breaths. When he checked for a pulse and breathing, he still found none.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath, and Cyborg continued with another round of compressions.

Beast Boy's face was extremely pale, but was slowly regaining color. His neck was starting to bruise severely. Where the rope had been pressed against his neck, the skin was indented and turning a dark shade of purple. There was a slight stream of dried drool that had settled at the corner of his mouth, and his nose had dried blood on it from where the blood had trickled out.

After the round of compressions, Robin gave two more breaths. When he checked for a pulse and breathing, it was there. It was extremely faint, barely noticeable, but there.

"He's breathing. His pulse is barely there, but he's alive. We need to get him down to the infirmary now," Robin ordered. Cyborg picked him up, cradling him in his arms. He tried to support his neck as much as possible to prevent it from moving around too much. They quickly made their way down to the infirmary and got Beast Boy set down on one of the tables. Cyborg immediately got him hooked up to a heart monitor while Robin went to go fetch the stitching supplies. While Robin was searching for the medical supplies, Raven approached Beast Boy.

"Are you able to heal his neck, at least a little bit?" Cyborg asked her.

Raven nodded her head shakily and rose her hand up to his neck. Her arms shook as blue energy worked to heal his neck.

"There were no complete fracture. There were small hair-line fractures, but they are healed. I've healed his airway, his arteries, and his ligaments as much as I can for now. He doesn't appear to have any brain damage," she said, her voice wavering. "I should be able to heal him further later, but for now, that's all that I can do."

Robin returned to them with the medical supplies in hand. Cyborg immediately began to stitch him up. While most of the wounds were about the same as last time he got stitched up, some were critically deep and required more intensive care. Raven healed the wounds that threatened his life, and Cyborg stitched them up the rest of the way.

Starfire was beside herself in sheer terror. Robin, noticing this, walked over to her and hugged her. It seemed to somewhat comfort her, but she was by no means calm.

"I think Raven and I got this for now. If we need you, we'll call you," Cyborg said, noticing how distraught the alien princess was. Robin nodded and led the two of them out. Once they were out, Cyborg turned to Raven. "Are you going to be okay? If you need to step out, I understand."

"No, no, I'm fine. I need to stay," she responded, her eyes not leaving Beast Boy's figure.

Cyborg continued to stitch up his wounds, which took a long time considering the amount of extensive damage the boy had done. Once the stitches were complete, he stabilized his neck. Even though the majority of the damage had been healed, he still needed to keep his head mostly immobile. He was going to be in a great deal of pain when he woke up. Once his neck was stabilized, he and Raven worked to tie him down. They knew that when he woke up, he would likely put up a fight or even try to escape, and they needed to keep him down. Cyborg then placed an IV in Beast Boy's arm, and started a saline drip. Luckily, he didn't need a blood transfusion this time.

"He should wake up in a few hours, hopefully," Cyborg said, his voice strained and tired. The clock on the wall read that it was nearly dawn. He looked at Raven, who was remaining awfully quiet. "You should go get some rest."

"I need to stay here. I-I need to be here when he wakes up," she pleaded as she began shaking again. Cyborg laid a hand on her shoulder, calming her trembles.

"You need to get some rest. I'll call you as soon as he wakes up. I promise," Cyborg said to her.

Looking defeated, Raven shakily nodded and stood up and left the room, leaving Cyborg alone with Beast Boy's unconscious body. Cyborg pulled a seat up to his friend and sat down. After checking all of his monitors and making sure that everything was okay, he closed his eyes and fell into a restless sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 27! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I would imagine the team would be feeling all sorts of ways about the situation. On one hand, I imagine they just want to smack some sense into him, but on the other hand, they probably want to hug onto him and never let him go. It'd be an emotional time for everyone involved. Glad you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **RPGPersona: It's certainly a fortunate coincidence. I agree; I image a lot of people wouldn't know how to react when confronted with a situation such as that. I imagine that I myself would freeze on the spot or just break down rather than just immediately jumping to assistance. It was definitely a serious situation, and one that would have ended very differently had anything not happened in this way. And definitely, yeah. If the severity of the situation wasn't obvious before, it certainly is now. I imagine that a person in Raven's position would be feeling extremely confused and hurt by the situation, and his friends would feel similar as well. It can't be easy to watch someone who is considered family deteriorate before their eyes, especially when they can do very little about it. I hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Raenelly: That would definitely be an awkward and difficult position to be in, having to explain why. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing; I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

Cyborg awoke to the sound of the heart monitor's beeps increasing in frequency. He opened up his eye, shaking the grogginess away. He looked over to his friend who was still laying on the table. He had straps across each ankle, one across his thighs, one across his chest, and one on each wrist. He hadn't wanted to use the wrist ones due to the extent of the injuries there, but there was no avoiding it. His neck and head were stabilized in place and there was a strap across his forehead to keep him down. Beast Boy was starting to twitch ever so slightly, and he was murmuring something barely audible.

Cyborg got up and stood by his friend. Slowly, Beast Boy opened his bloodshot eyes. He looked confused and dazed, not even registering Cyborg's presence at first. When he realized that he couldn't move his limbs or head, he began panicking. Cyborg laid his hands down on each of Beast Boy's shoulders, stabilizing him further. He looked down at Beast Boy's wide, panicked eyes.

"It's okay. Don't try to move," he said, his voice quiet. Beast Boy's entire body was shaking as the realization hit him that he was alive and in the infirmary. Before he could stop himself, tears started leaking from his eyes and ran down his cheeks. "Are you in pain? Do you need pain meds?" Cyborg asked, surprised by the sudden eruption of tears.

Beast Boy attempted to shake his head no, but couldn't. The strain of trying to move his head though bothered his neck greatly, eliciting a pained gasp from his throat. Cyborg ran over to the medical cabinet and pulled out a fresh syringe and a vial of strong pain medication. He then administered the pain killer into Beast Boy's IV line.

"This should kick in soon. Should be strong enough to help lessen the pain from the stitches and from your neck," Cyborg said, trailing off at the end. Cyborg pulled out his communicator and called the team. "He's awake." He then put the communicator away.

He looked down at Beast Boy. His tears had lessened, but continued to spill out regardless. He took a seat down next to his best friend.

"How am I here?" Beast Boy murmured, his voice croaky and overwrought.

"What do you mean?" Cyborg asked with concern.

"How did you find me? How am I…." he continued, coughing slightly at the end from the strain on his throat.

"Alive? Robin found you. He was walking down the hall when he heard a crash from your room," Cyborg said.

"Why did you save me?" Beast Boy weakly and quietly asked.

"Why did we save you?! We saved you because we love you and care about you and want you alive and here with us!" Cyborg said, his voice filled with pain and breaking slightly.

Before either could speak up again, the remaining teens burst through the doors of the infirmary. When they entered, they stopped at the doorway, taking in the scene before them. They saw Beast Boy anxious and crying, and they saw Cyborg near tears. They approached the teens slowly and took seats around their youngest friend's bedside.

"Hey, Beast Boy," Robin spoke up, his voice calm, "How are you feeling?" Robin figured he already knew the answer to the question, but felt the need to ask it anyway.

"Sore," Beast Boy croaked, wincing at the pain it caused. Raven grabbed his hand and held it gently.

"I just gave him a strong pain medication, so he shouldn't feel as much pain soon," Cyborg announced.

The boy before them looked so broken. He was still missing the top half of his uniform. He had lost so much weight over the last few months, and his ribs were beginning to protrude quite boldly. His skin was pale, making the angry wounds all up and down his arms look even more irritated. His neck was a swollen mixture of deep purples and blues. Every time he took in a breath, his body shook with agony.

"Can you get rid of this thing around my head?" Beast Boy asked quietly as he shifted his gaze towards Cyborg.

"It's keeping your head and neck stabilized. There's a lot of damage, and you can't risk moving your neck," Cyborg responded.

"I know. It's just making me a bit claustrophobic. Is there anything else you can use?" he asked.

Cyborg stood up and walked towards the medical cabinet and started searching through it. After a minute of searching, he grabbed something and walked back towards the group.

"This may be a bit more comfortable for you. You just gotta be careful to not move your head much, okay?" Cyborg said, and Beast Boy mumbled an affirmation. "It may hurt a little to remove this though. Just warning you."

Cyborg began to remove the equipment from around his head and neck. Unfortunately, some was underneath his head, and Cyborg needed to lift his head ever so slightly off the table to remove it fully. As soon as he moved his head off the table, Beast Boy bit his lip harshly in pain. His grip on Raven's hand increased, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight. Soon, it was removed and the new device was set down. Cyborg placed his head back down gently.

"Does that feel better?" Cyborg asked as he put the original device away. He currently had a padded pillow-like item that rested underneath his head and neck and was raised on the sides to prevent head movement. Unlike the last device, it wasn't super tight and hard, and it didn't have anything over his face.

"Yeah, thanks," Beast Boy responded quietly as the pain of the movement wore off.

The teens sat there in silence, unsure of how to continue the conversation. There was a certain discomfort that hung in the air. Eventually, Robin spoke up.

"You know we need to talk about what happened, Beast Boy," he said sternly.

"Do we really?" Beast Boy responded. He knew it needed to happen, but he dreaded it.

"Yes, we do. Beast Boy, this is serious," Robin said.

"But I'm fine–," Beast Boy started before being cut off.

"You're not fine! Stop saying that! This isn't okay, Beast Boy, and you know that," Raven said loudly. Her grip increased around her boyfriend's hand. Then, Beast Boy did something that no one would have expected him to do. He began laughing. It was a low chuckle, as if he was amused by something.

"Technically, this is my third time attempting. Ha, I can't even die right," he said, his laughter dying off as a pained expression covered his face.

"You need help, Beast Boy. You can't keep living like this," Raven said, calmer this time.

"I know," he said, his voice barely audible.

Another silence came between the teens. They knew that although that discussion would need to come eventually, now may not be the best time.

"We need to talk about it soon, but we don't have to now if you don't want to," Robin said, a grave expression covering his face.

"I don't want to talk about it now," Beast Boy responded quietly.

"I know," Robin said, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder and gently patting it. "How about you get some rest? You must be tired."

"I'll stay here with him," Raven said. Her hood was over her head, hiding her expression.

The other teens got up, said goodbye to the two, and slowly left the infirmary. Raven got off of her seat and went to the seat that Cyborg had been sitting in.

"I'm sorry, Rae," Beast Boy apologized.

"You don't need to be sorry. But I need you to promise me that you won't do this again," Raven said, her hood still hiding her face. Her voice was filled with emotion, expressing the pain that couldn't be seen on her face.

"I can't promise that," Beast Boy responded quietly.

"You will get better. I promise," Raven said.

"I hope you're right," he said, his voice trailing off.

Raven took his hand in hers again and rubbed her thumb across it.

"I am," she said.

Soon, the strong painkillers caused Beast Boy to fall asleep, and Raven kept watch over him, unable to sleep herself.


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 28! Hope you enjoy!**

 **RPGPersona: Definitely; after an incident like that, complete and total observation is needed. And yeah, making him talk so soon after an event, especially when he's experiencing so much pain would not be a good idea. And it'll certainly be a good time to think about the situation. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

While Raven watched over a sleeping Beast Boy, Cyborg, Robin, and Starfire met together. They all sat in the Main Ops room, lounging sadly on the couch. It was the rainy season in California, so they listened to the pitter patter of the rain against the windows. Soon, they began to discuss.

"What are we going to do? We cannot allow for this pattern to continue," Starfire spoke up, her voice empty from the joy it normally contained.

"I'm not sure. We need to get him to open up. It's obvious that he's keeping a lot from us, and that's hurting him a lot," Robin responded.

"I was thinking about putting him on an antidepressant, at least for the meantime. It may help to stabilize him," Cyborg said.

"Do you even have access to that kind of medication?" Robin asked.

"Sure. I have access to a large variety of different medications, with that being one of them," Cyborg responded.

"And would that help him?" Starfire asked.

"It's possible. Some people react really well to it, some don't. But it's the only thing I can think of at the moment," Cyborg said.

"When he gets out of the infirmary, he can't go back to isolating himself in his room. That would be dangerous. Maybe Raven will allow him to move in with her, at least for a period of time? We'll have to watch him closely for a while to make sure he doesn't do this again," Robin said.

"I'm sure she'll be cool with that," Cyborg said.

"We still need to clean up Beast Boy's room, and also remove anything he could use against himself from it," Robin said.

"We should probably do that soon. He won't be out of the infirmary for at least a week or so, but it'd still be better to go through his room sooner rather than later," Cyborg agreed.

"Might as well do it now," Robin said, and his teammates shakily nodded. They all knew that they would need to do that at some point, but they dreaded it nonetheless. The teens stood up and slowly walked towards their teammate's room. Once they reached it, they paused momentarily before opening the door.

It was eerie inside, as if it came straight from a horror film. Part of the noose still hung from the ceiling, tied to a ceiling fan, while the rest lay messily on the ground. The rope had blood on it from Beast Boy's cuts, which just made it look more horrific. There were bloodstains on his floor; some were older, and some were from his recent attempt. There was the knocked over chair, also covered in some blood. There was the bloody knife that was lying next to the chair, as well as a smaller bloody blade on his nightstand table.

"Oh dear," Starfire said as she peered into the room once again. None of the Titans had gotten a really good look at the room when they last entered it during their friend's attempt because they were so consumed by the event taking place. Now, without that disturbance, they could fully take in the room and all it contained. They walked further into the room and started splitting up.

Cyborg walked over to Beast Boy's desk, which had food scraps and rotten uneaten food on top of it. He picked up the food and threw it into the nearby trashcan. The rest of the desk wasn't fairing too well either. When he looked through the drawers, he found broken remains of pencil sharpeners that were missing the blades.

Starfire inspected his bed. The bottom bunk was messy, but mostly unused. There were a few bloodstains here and there, but nothing major. The top bunk was a different story entirely. When she inspected it, there were quite a few bloodstains covering it. The covers were messy and tangled. There were even bloodstains on the wall adjacent to the bed.

Robin inspected his closet. The door had been flung open with blood on the handle when they first stepped in, so he assumed it would be as good a place as any to search. There wasn't much in it besides uniforms and random items. In the corner, he found quite a bit of blood smeared on the wall and nearby objects, so he assumed that Beast Boy had stored something, presumably the rope, there.

Soon, once they were each done searching their respective areas, they met back at the center of the room where the previous action had taken place. They stared at the bloodied items, still in disbelief of what had happened. Even after the events that had happened with Garfield and the past few months with Beast Boy, it was still hard for them to wrap their heads around the idea that he wasn't as happy and carefree as he seemed. It was now obvious to them that he held inside such a deep pain and sadness, and that his positivity may have just been a mask rather than a reality. That pained them greatly.

Starfire flew up and untied the rope from the ceiling fan and it dropped to the ground. Cyborg picked it up and threw it in the trash with the molded food. Robin picked up the fallen chair, tried to clean up as much blood as possible from it, and put it back upright with the desk. Cyborg picked up the knife and the blade and quickly relocated them to his room for proper disposal at a later time. Starfire tried to clean up the bloodstains from the ground, but was unable to. She, instead, took his bloodied sheets and blankets from his bed and placed them in the washer downstairs to be cleaned. Robin searched the room for any remaining blades or knifes, but couldn't find any. They knew Raven had found a blade and destroyed it a few weeks back, but there were still more broken pencil sharpeners than blades found, which concerned them. They just hoped that he didn't have any hidden blades in his room that they couldn't find. The three teens then searched through the rest of the room in search for anymore items that Beast Boy could use to hurt himself, or worse. They found very little, but removed the items nonetheless. When the room was done being searched, Cyborg took out the trash from his room so he couldn't just rummage through it.

Soon, the room was cleaned and safe-proofed. The three teens returned to the Main Ops room and started preparing a meal. They made five meals with the intention of bringing the two extra meals down to the couple in the infirmary.

"When should we talk with friend Beast Boy?" Starfire asked as she applied a copious amount of mustard to her sandwich. "I cannot think of a proper time to have that discussion."

"We can try again when we bring these sandwiches down. It's been a few hours since he woke up, so he may be a bit more willing to talk," Cyborg responded.

"Doesn't hurt to try. But we can't force it onto him, at least not while he's in this state. We need to get him to open up without stressing him out too much," Robin said, and the teens nodded in agreement. Within a few minutes, all the sandwiches were finished and they made their way back to the infirmary. When they got there, they saw that both Beast Boy and Raven were awake and engaged in a quiet conversation. When they noticed the presence of the teens, they stopped talking. The teens made their way over to the two and took a seat next to them. Cyborg, who was holding their sandwiches as well as his own, handed the food to them.

"Cyborg, I think I can heal him more now. It would allow him to sit up," Raven offered.

Cyborg nodded, taking Beast Boy's sandwich and holding it while he was healed. Raven stood up and set her sandwich down on the chair. She put her hands right above his neck and her light blue energy started flowing through him. After a few seconds, she removed her hands and sat back down. They could see that his neck was less swollen and the bruising wasn't nearly as intense as it was before.

"The ligaments in his neck are completely healed, as is his airway and arteries. The only remaining damage is some bruising and soreness," she explained, "He can now be without his neck and head stabilizer."

Cyborg set the sandwiches down and helped Beast Boy out of the stabilizer. Once that was removed, he unclasped the restraints on his body and helped him sit up slowly.

"You feel okay? Can you sit up?" Cyborg asked as he still held onto his friend's shoulders and back.

"Yeah, I think so," Beast Boy responded, and Cyborg returned to his seat. He handed Beast Boy his sandwich. The teens began to eat their meal in silence, a certain awkwardness still hanging in the air. After a few minutes, the meal was completed, and the uncomfortable silence continued, but was somehow intensified by the lack of activity.

"Uh, Beast Boy," Robin said, "we do need to talk about it, remember?"

"Uhh," Beast Boy started, clearly wanting to avoid that conversation.

"The longer you avoid the conversation, the harder it'll get," Cyborg began, "Besides, I'm not going to let you leave the infirmary, even if you're healed, until you talk with us about it."

"But, uh," Beast boy started again, growing nervous.

"Please, friend Beast Boy, won't you do the opening up to us?" Starfire pleaded, her voice desperate to help her friend.

"I…I don't know how to," Beast Boy admitted, his voice quiet.

"How about we start with the most important matter," Raven spoke up, trying to get the conversation going, "Why did you try to kill yourself this time? What triggered you to go down that path again?"

"I don't know. I wasn't planning on it. I mean, I felt like it, but I wasn't planning on it then. It just kind of…happened," he confessed.

"But why? Why did it happen? What happened that night to lead you to it?" Raven asked.

"I just…I don't know. I felt overwhelmed and my mind was racing. I…cut…because I thought that would make it better, but the feeling didn't go away. The pressure was still there, and it kept getting worse and worse. So I just kept cutting and kept going deeper. I found the rope, but I don't know how it got there. I really don't remember putting it there, but I didn't care. Then I kind of just lost it. I…I remember cutting really deep a few times and then everything kinda went blurry as I set up the rope, and then everything went painful and black really quickly," he explained, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"What led you to be so sad for these past few months? Last time, it was because you had recently experienced your parents' deaths and the village ridicule," Raven said, somewhat regretting including the last part. She didn't want to reopen those wounds for him, but she knew it was somewhat unavoidable.

"It just happened. I don't know what caused it. I've felt like this my whole life, but it comes and goes. It's always there though, but it's usually just sitting in the back of my mind. I guess it just got stronger and came back," he explained.

"Your whole life? But you always seem so happy," Cyborg said.

"Yeah. I mean, I do get happy. I don't always fake it. But it's always there. Acting happy is usually enough to keep it back, but not always," Beast Boy said.

"But, friend, what happened to you to make you so saddened in your life?" Starfire said. Beast Boy was silent for a few moments before responding.

"My life hasn't been too easy," he started. He quickly glanced at his teammates faces before turning his attention back to the door. "When I was younger, after my parents died, I basically had to live on my own since I wasn't accepted by the village. I eventually tried to kill myself, but survived. I remember waking up in a pool of my own blood and there were two strangers looking down at me. They had really sloppily stitched me up and saved me. I didn't understand why they did it at the time, but now I do. After that, they took me in. Once I was healed from that, they started to train me. They had somehow found out that I could morph and they wanted to take advantage of that. They were criminals, and they used me to help them rob jewelry stores. After like two years, we got caught and arrested. They went to jail, and I was placed under the legal guardianship of my uncle, Nicholas Galtry. That was worse than any Hell I could've imagined. Living with him was awful. I was kept locked in the dark basement. He would always come downstairs to beat me, among other things that I'd really rather not talk about. He didn't really have me do anything. I was more of a play toy than anything else. After a few years, I escaped. That's when I ended up finding Register again, and I already told you what happened there. After a few years there, I escaped again, and then ended up finding the Doom Patrol. They took me in and adopted me. I didn't really tell them what had happened to me, apart from my parents' deaths. They didn't need to know. One night, they found out that I cut, though, and ended up getting me help. I eventually stopped, or at least they thought I did. I would still do it on occasion, but not nearly as much as before. A few years later, I had a fallout with them and left. Then I found you guys."

The teens were silent for a few seconds, taking in all that information. It was no wonder that he was so depressed; he had had a really hard and dark childhood, one that they had been oblivious to.

"Thank you for telling us, friend," Starfire spoke up quietly. She was nearly on the verge of tears, but forced herself not to let them spill.

"We know it has to be hard to relive those memories, but we're glad that you told us. It's not healthy to keep it all in," Raven said. She was gripping onto his hand tightly.

Beast Boy wouldn't respond. He just stared at the door with a pained, vacant expression on his face.

"Raven's right. Opening up about it is the first step in getting better," Cyborg started, "We're willing to do anything and everything we can to help you out. I was actually planning on starting you on an antidepressant, if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, sure," Beast Boy said, his voice sounding numb and distant.

"Awesome. We'll start the doses tomorrow morning then," Cyborg responded softly.

Robin glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearing midnight. It was hard for him to comprehend that his friend's attempt had taken place only 24 hours ago. The past day had been intense, to say the least.

"It's getting pretty late. How about you get some rest, Beast Boy. Unless you have something else you want to talk about," Robin said.

Beast Boy shook his head no.

"I'll stay here tonight," Raven said. Everyone knew not to argue with her on that point, so they said their goodbyes and left for their individual rooms to settle in for the night.


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 29! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I figured anti-depressants would be a good starting point. Sometimes they help patients a lot, and sometimes they don't. But it's generally a good first try. I hope you'll enjoy what I have in the next few chapters! We're getting really close to the end! :)**

 **RPGPersona: Definitely, yeah. It is by no means a long term solution, and he'll have to be monitored closely so that he doesn't misuse the drugs. And that would certainly not a fun task. I thought about having them do that, but then it's a major invasion of personal privacy and that's a tricky situation. And definitely, yeah! Small progress, but progress nonetheless. And that's mostly what happened. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

The next morning, Beast Boy and Raven woke up to the sound of Cyborg rustling through the pharmaceutical cabinet. He seemed oblivious to the fact that his noisy searching had woken up the two teens. He was humming a light melody to himself as if the two of them weren't there at all. Beast Boy didn't seem to mind, but the abrupt awakening left Raven somewhat irritated. Raven cleared her throat, catching the metal man's attention. Cyborg turned around to face the two as he held a pill bottle in his hand.

"Mornin', y'all!" he said to them as he made his way over. "You know, you two are pretty cute together."

That comment caused a blush to creep up onto Raven's cheeks, which Cyborg noticed and chuckled at. When she had woken up, her head was resting on Beast Boy's still bare chest, and their fingers were intertwined. She wasn't really one to be publicly intimate, so she felt somewhat embarrassed. Beast Boy, of course, didn't mind it at all. He still seemed too groggy to care anyway.

"Anyway," Cyborg started again as he removed a pill from the bottle before handing the bottle to Raven, "It's time for your first dose. You'll need to take one pill every morning at the same time. Raven will be in charge of your pills, and she will give you the right dose every morning. If you start to have any side effects, let one of us know immediately and we'll try to figure out something else. Otherwise, if you refuse to take your pill, Raven has our permission to kick your green butt until you do."

Cyborg was trying to lift the mood. It had been so dark the last day or so, and he was growing tired of it. He was pleased when his remark caused a slight smirk out of his friend as he sat up on the bed. Cyborg then handed him the small, sage green pill and a glass of water. Beast Boy held the small pill in his hand for a moment and inspected it. He hated taking medication, but he knew that he needed to do this. He threw the pill in his mouth and swallowed it down with a gulp of water.

"You should feel the medication start taking effect in about a month or so. I'm going to check over you, see how you're healing up. Raven, you've been down here for almost a day now on watch. I can take over now," Cyborg said.

"Okay," she said as she stood up, "If you need me for any reason, let me know."

"Of course. Don't worry," Cyborg reassured her, and she left the room, leaving the two boys alone. "So, how you feeling?" Cyborg said as he took a seat across from Beast Boy.

"Uh, fine, I guess," Beast Boy responded.

"How much pain are you in?" Cyborg asked him, studying his expression closely.

"Not too much. Ever since Rae healed me up yesterday, I don't really feel my neck too much apart from the bruising. I still don't like to move it too much though," Beast Boy explained.

"And your arms?" Cyborg asked. He picked up one of Beast Boy's arms and began inspected the stitched up wounds.

"They're not bad. Hurts when they hit something or get gripped, but otherwise nothing out of the normal," he explained. He looked away as Cyborg examined his arms; he felt self-conscious whenever his arms were exposed, but having them inspected up close was really embarrassing for him. Cyborg gently set that arm down and took the other and began examining it too.

"They look like they're healing well. There's no sign of infection in any of them. I should be able to remove the sutures in the next coming days as long as they continue to heal properly," Cyborg explained as he set that arm down as well. "I'm going to examine your neck now. If you feel any pain or discomfort, let me know."

Beast Boy turned his head back towards Cyborg, but kept his gaze to the side as he was examined. Cyborg lightly prodded at his neck, trying to feel for any abnormalities underneath the skin, specifically where the noose had hung. At certain points in the examination, Beast Boy would wince and Cyborg would lighten his touch further. Cyborg noticed how Beast Boy was averting his gaze, but chose not to call him out on it. He knew how uncomfortable this whole situation must've been for his friend, and he didn't want to cause any more discomfort than what was necessary. Soon, Cyborg finished his examination. He began to remove Beast Boy's IV line and the other equipment that had been on him.

"Your health seems to be stable enough to be discharged. I'll still have to check over your injuries regularly, but you're good to go for now," Cyborg said.

"So I can go back to my room now?" Beast Boy asked, eager to get away from everyone and back to his fortress of solitude.

"Not exactly. We can't risk you being on your own for the time being, so you're going to be living with Raven in her room for the foreseeable future. You need to be constantly accompanied by either her or one of us, within reason of course," Cyborg explained. He could see how much that upset his friend, and decided to explain further. "I'm sorry it has to be that way, B. But until you can show that you can you're safe to be on your own, you have to be constantly watched."

"How long will that take?" Beast Boy asked.

"I don't know. Hopefully not long. Like I said, until you can show us that you can be on your own and not hurt yourself, it has to be this way," Cyborg replied. Beast Boy simply nodded in response. After a moment of silence, Cyborg spoke up again. "So now that everyone's not down here and bombarding you with questions, wanna tell me how you're really doing?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I said I'm not that sore anymore" Beast Boy said.

"That's not what I meant," Cyborg started, "I meant how are you feeling? Emotionally?"

Beast Boy adverted his gaze once again.

"I don't know. I'm…confused," he said.

"How so?" Cyborg asked, intrigued. He hadn't expected that answer.

"I still want to die. I want to die really, really bad. But, I don't really know how to explain it. When I attempted, with what little awareness I had, I felt scared. It's like, once it started, I didn't necessarily feel regret, but I felt something. I want to die, but I don't at the same time," he explained.

Cyborg took in this information and thought about it for a minute before responding.

"Maybe you don't really want to die, but rather you want to end your suffering?" Cyborg offered.

"What do you mean?" Beast Boy asked him.

"You're in a lot of pain. You feel like you're not really living anymore, and you hate that. Maybe, you thought that you wanted to die, but rather you just wanted to feel like you're living again," Cyborg explained.

Beast Boy didn't immediately respond after that. Rather, he silently took in the information and thought about it. Then, he subtly shook his head.

"I – I don't know. It's just all really, really confusing to me," Beast Boy said quietly, his voice barely audible.

Cyborg stood up and hugged his friend. Beast Boy stiffened at first, but soon relaxed and hugged him back.

"I know it is, and that's okay. You'll figure it out eventually. And you will feel better eventually, too. It just takes time," Cyborg said as he embraced the younger boy.

The hug lasted for a few more seconds before they departed from one another.

"Th-thanks, Cy," Beast Boy said. He looked down at his arms that were resting on his lap. He started turning his wrist over, examining the mauled skin that ran all the way up his arms.

"No problem. You know, if you want, Raven may be able to heal those further. Might be able to prevent some of the scarring," Cyborg offered.

"I don't really want her to heal them. I don't know why, I just…I want them to heal on their own," he said quietly as he continued to examine his arms. "Can – can I go to Raven's room now?"

"Sure, if you want. I'm not sure if she's there at the moment, but I'll call her and check," Cyborg said.

"Do you have a shirt for me?" Beast Boy asked, not wanting to be exposed for another second.

"Not with me, but we moved a few of your uniforms to Raven's room. You'll be able to change once you get there," Cyborg responded. He then contacted Raven through his communicator to let her know that they were headed to her room to drop Beast Boy off. Beast Boy simply nodded.

The two of them then stood up. Having not walked or stood up in a while, it took Beast Boy a moment to get used to being on his feet again. Cyborg held onto him to make sure he wouldn't fall down. Once they were both sure that he would be fine to walk on his own, they made their way out of the infirmary and up to Raven's bedroom.


	30. Chapter 30

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 30! I hope you enjoy!**

 **This fanfic is almost completed. There's only a few chapters left. I'm currently working on a series of one shots that I hope to start uploading in the next month or two, and I have a few ideas towards larger pieces that I may begin soon.**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: Thank you! I thought that him lightening up the mood would be a good and welcomed change in mood. I was missing BBRae moments too. Although I find BBRae moments extremely difficult to write, I do love them. I'm actually working on a series of one shots right now that focuses on BBRae; it's very hard to do, but I'm enjoying it nonetheless. Thank you! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it :)**

* * *

It was odd for Beast Boy to live in Raven's room. He had been in there plenty of times, but he had never before taken up a permanent residence there. As soon as he and Cyborg had arrived at her room, Beast Boy entered and immediately found a shirt of his to cover up with. Not long after that, Raven returned to her room with two mugs of herbal tea in hand. Cyborg then left the couple alone to attend to his own bacon-y needs.

Raven handed one of the herbal teas to Beast Boy, keeping the other for herself. They both sat on the bed as they silently sipped at their warm drinks. Beast Boy was never much of a tea drinker; he found the beverage to be bitter yet tasteless. But, being with Raven, he had gotten somewhat used to drinking it on occasion. Although he still wasn't a big fan of the taste, he found that it could help him to calm down whenever he got too stressed or excited.

"So, how are you feeling?" Raven asked him as she neared the end of her drink.

"Fine, I guess. Not really all too sore anymore," he responded as he took another sip of his drink. He wasn't sure what kind of tea this was, but he suspected that it was some sort of floral mixture.

"That's good. I'm surprised you're not in more pain, considering your injury," she said as she set her mug down on the nightstand table next to her bed. "How are you feeling otherwise? Emotionally?"

"I don't really know," he admitted, not wanting to have the same conversation with her that he had had with Cyborg not even an hour ago. He absolutely hated talking about his emotions.

"I can sense that you're in a lot of pain," Raven started, her empathic abilities picking up a lot from the green boy beside her. "You feel confused, and you're experiencing a great deal of sorrow, but it's deeper than that."

Beast Boy simply looked at her, his expression proving what she just said to be true. He took another sip of the flowery tea and set the now empty mug down.

"I feel so…exposed," Beast Boy said, his voice barely audible. Had Raven's room not been so quiet, his words would have been lost.

"How so?" Raven questioned. It's not as if they hadn't known about his struggle prior to his attempt, so she didn't understand what he meant.

"You guys were never supposed to know. I wanted to keep it secret, but once it came out, I felt like it all came out really, really fast. It was…it is…overwhelming. You weren't supposed to see this side," Beast Boy explained, refusing to meet Raven's eyes with his own.

Raven gently set her hands on each of Beast Boy's cheeks and drew his face to meet hers. She gave him a light peck on the lips before lifting his head so that they could maintain eye contact.

"For what it's worth, I'm glad it came out. And I'm glad it came out the way it did, rather than us finding your lifeless body dangling and finding out that way," she started, "There's nothing wrong with having those who love and care about you knowing about this side of you. It's one thing to keep secrets, but that is not something that you should keep secret. I understand how exposed you feel. I felt the same way when the ordeal with my father happened. But letting you all know about it and help me with it allowed me to heal and accept that side of me. Perhaps the same goes for you. I cannot and will not say I understand what you're going through, because I don't, but I do know that it will get better. The darkness won't stay forever."

Beast Boy remained silent. He had this look in his eye that Raven recognized as deep thought. His body was incredibly tense, and she could feel his muscles shaking ever so slightly. She glanced down at his arms that were resting on his lap. He had his sleeve pulled up about an inch and he slowly scraping the sharp edge of his nail against the skin. Most of the scrapes she saw were just scratches, but a few had broken skin and were now faintly bleeding. She removed one of the hands from his cheek and set it down on his hand. He stopped scraping immediately and grew tenser.

"Please, don't do that," she said quietly. She removed his hand from his arm and examined the shallow wounds. Before he could protest, she encased that part of his arm in her light blue energy and healed it.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice cracking a bit as he hung his head in shame.

Raven pulled him closer to her. She rested his head on her chest and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. She could feel his warmth radiating out from his body and could hear his steady heartbeat.

"Why do you do that?" Raven asked him. "Why do you hurt yourself?"

"It helps," Beast Boy replied, feeling Raven's chest rise and fall underneath his cheek.

"How does it help?" she asked, genuinely interested. She couldn't fathom how intentionally hurting yourself could be in any way helpful.

"Something about it helps get rid of the pain. It's like I feel this pressure, and if I don't cut, then it keeps getting worse and worse," he explained to her.

"So it acts as a release?" she asked him, and he nodded. "Perhaps there's other ways to release that pressure and pain you feel?"

"I can't find anything that helps," he mumbled.

"I'm sure there's something out there that can help. It won't be the same, and it may not seem like it helps, but it just may be enough to get you through," she offered.

"I don't know," he mumbled even lower.

She could feel his sadness increase as the conversation continued. She could feel him grow more and more hopeless, and more and more desperate for a release. She knew if she continued to pursue this conversation at the moment, it could really hurt him. She began to rub his back to comfort him. After a minute or so of doing this in silence, she pulled him down onto the bed and laid down next to him. She gave him a peck on the cheek as she rested her arm over his chest, pulling his body closer to hers.

"That's okay. We have all the time in the world to keep searching. We'll figure this out together. You're not alone," she said softly into his ear.

She remembered all the times throughout the years when he would comfort her whenever she felt alone. He was always there for her in her time of need. Now, it was her turn to be there for him in his time of need. She was going to make sure he made it through this alive and well. He deserved happiness, whether he believed so or not.


	31. Chapter 31

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 31! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Adrinsane: Haha sometimes it could be. As well as just cuddling and such. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: BBRae is such an adorable couple! I love them! I'm glad that the BBRae moments that I'm writing are cute haha :)**

 **Otherbeing-spirituallife: You have no idea how much that review means to me. I've experienced it as well, and having a support system of close friends has been tremendously helpful. I'm so glad that I'm portraying the emotions well; it's definitely a difficult and complex feeling to describe. It's important to me to help place awareness on these kinds of issues. It's one of the main reasons why I'm majoring in psychology to become a psychologist. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story! Thank you so much :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing; I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

It had been a few days since Beast Boy's suicide attempt, and he was beginning to grow quite restless. He absolutely hated the constant attention and monitoring, as if he was a ticking time bomb that could go off any second. They only moments that he got alone were those when he used the bathroom or showered, but even then there was someone guarding the door and checking up on him verbally every five minutes. It was quickly becoming suffocating for the changeling. And to top it all off, he had no blades or anything remotely sharp to cut with. He had briefly searched sections of Raven's room whenever she turned her back to him, but he couldn't find anything. He searched the bathroom too, but there was nothing there either. He considered shattering the mirror and using the shards from it, but that would be far too obvious and loud. He couldn't risk getting caught. So, with the lack of proper tools, he resorted to scratching at his arms and wrists with his nails, as well as biting himself. It didn't have nearly the same effect as a blade, but it was enough to keep him sane. At least, it had been.

The need to cut grew steadily greater and greater. He felt as if he would absolutely and completely explode if he wasn't able to get that relief soon. He peered at the clock next to Raven's bed. It was nearing two in the morning. He then glanced at the empath next to him, and he could see that she was in a deep slumber. Although she had fallen asleep with her arm across his abdomen, she had rolled over recently, effectively removing him from her grasp. He knew his chances were limited, and this may be the only opportunity he has in a while. He quickly transformed into a fly and flew towards her door. Before slipping out from underneath the door, he looked back briefly to make sure she was still asleep. And to his wish, she was.

He flew underneath the door and into the empty hallway. He briefly considered transforming back into his human form, but decided against it. He couldn't risk anyone leaving their room and catching him. So, he flew down the dark hallway as a tiny, buzzing fly and finally came to his room. He flew underneath the door, then transformed back into his human form.

The room looked so different than the way he had left it only a mere few days earlier. It had been cleaned up. The noose had been removed and the chair put back in its place. The knife and blade that had fallen near him were also removed. The bloodstains that had coated the floor were still visible, but it was obvious that there was an attempt to remove them. All the food that had been rotting away on his desk was gone. His bed had been made, and there had also been attempts to remove the bloodstains there.

Suddenly, memories of that night came pouring back to him. He could remember the feeling of the blade ripping through his skin, and then the knife that followed. He remembered his hands finding the rope. He remembered tying the noose to the ceiling fan and placing the chair underneath it. The memories were all blurry and seemed to meld together. Although he couldn't recollect well visually, he completely and entirely felt it. He remembered the noose tightening around his throat as he sloppily kicked the chair down. It had burned horribly, and he had felt as if his head was exploding.

He shook his head violently in an attempt to remove the memories from his mind. He had a task at hand that he needed to complete, and he couldn't waste his time reminiscing on his failed attempt. He made his way towards his nightstand table and threw open the drawers. He soon realized that his blades had been removed from that location.

 _Should've expected it. It's obvious that they've been in here. Of course they would've taken my blades,_ he thought to himself as he closed the drawer.

He briefly thought about checking the closet to see if his knife was there, but quickly dismissed the idea knowing that the team wouldn't have returned the knife to him. He then remembered another location to search. He lowered his body to the ground and crawled underneath his bed. Sure enough, he still had his blades underneath his bottom bunk. There were three blades total hidden underneath the bed. He removed one, choosing to leave the other two there in the case that he would need them at a later point. He crawled back out into his room and sat on his bed. It was eerily quiet in the tower, and it was the most relief he had felt since his attempt. He enjoyed his isolation even though he knew it would end soon.

He stared at the blade that rested in his hand. The ones underneath his bed had never been used, so the edge was still pristine. He pulled up his sleeve and began to slice into the skin. Even though it had only been a few days since his last blade wound, it felt like an eternity. The blood started to seep out of the wounds slowly, then more quickly. It began to run down his arm, some managing to drip onto the ground. Luckily, none got on his uniform. Before he knew it, there was a patch of nearly two dozen cuts on the inside of his forearm.

He finally felt the relief that he had been craving since waking up in the infirmary. He stared down at his arm and watched the blood leave the wounds. They soon finished bleeding and he pulled his sleeve back down. He glanced at his clock and saw that it was nearing three in the morning now. He needed to get back to Raven's room before she woke up and discovered him missing. That would not be a fun incident.

He placed the blade in his mouth and transformed into a small mouse. When he reached his door, he scooted the blade into the hallway and transformed into a fly to escape underneath. Once out, he transformed back into a mouse and put the blade back into his mouth. He quickly scurried back to Raven's room and performed the same maneuver to get inside her bedroom. He was relieved to see that she was still fast asleep, completely unaware of his absence.

He quickly searched around her room as a mouse to find a good hiding place for his tool. He soon decided to hide it behind her bookshelf on the ground. It would be subtle enough so that she would likely not find it, but also easily accessible for him. Once the blade was hidden, he quietly made his way back to the bed and laid down next to Raven, taking extra care to not wake or disturb the sleeping girl. As he laid down, his arm burned where it had been injured only minutes ago. The raw skin became irritated as pressure was placed on it, but he didn't care. He actually quite liked it. Knowing that Raven was an early riser and would be up in a few hours, he tried to fall back asleep. With the newfound relief spreading through his veins, sleep came easily to him, and he was out within minutes.


	32. Chapter 32

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 32! Hope you enjoy! :)**

 **RPGPersona: I figured that regardless of them being a couple, intimacy even in small forms such as cuddling may be embarrassing to someone like Raven who may shy away from a lot of openness around others. And definitely, yeah. Beast Boy cannot be trusted to handle the medication himself. Opening up is certainly the most important thing, even if it's a slow process. And having that support system behind him will be so helpful. As you said, it's so nice how Raven can relate to Beast Boy and vice versa; it's one thing to have a support system, but it's a completely different thing to have someone who you can relate to and understand. And it's definitely a tricky situation. They can try to keep him from hurting himself as much as they can, but it's impossible to avoid it 100%. A lot of that power still lies on Beast Boy with him needing to make the choice not to hurt himself. :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I kinda felt the same way. I figured that would likely be the best hiding spot to not have them be found, but they should've looked under the bed. But, I needed it to happen in the story haha. Glad you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Otherbeing-spirituallife: Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoy the story! And I'm finally all moved in and settled into my apartment, so I'll hopefully be updating regularly. University starts back up on Monday, but I'll organize the time better than I did last semester haha :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

Upon awakening, the first thing Raven saw in the morning sunlight was a slumbering Beast Boy next to her. She couldn't help but notice how calm and at peace he seemed, and it filled her with delight. Ever since he got out of the infirmary only a few days earlier, he seemed extremely stressed and on edge, even when asleep. She had attempted to get him to meditate and kept giving him herbal teas to calm him down, but nothing would help to the extent that he needed. Despite how delighted she was to see him so serene, something nagged at her being. She felt off; it was if her entire being knew that something was wrong, but she couldn't tell what. She dismissed it as just being the accumulation of all the tension and struggle of the last few days, but still, it remained.

She stood up and made her way towards her closet, removing a fresh cloak from one of the hangers. As she clasped it around her neck, she turned towards the clock next to the sleeping boy. She had managed to sleep in somehow, but not by too long. It was around eight in the morning. She knew Robin would most definitely be up, and Cyborg and Starfire would likely be up as well. She could smell the sweet scent of maple and waffles from the kitchen, confirming that the others were indeed awake.

She walked towards the still sleeping Beast Boy and lightly shook his shoulder in an attempt to wake him. He had a tendency to be a heavy sleeper, and today was no different. Even as she shook him, he still continued to release low snores that were comparable to a cat's purr.

"Beast Boy," she said to him quietly as she shook his shoulder again. He murmured something indecipherable before continuing his purrs. She shook him again, this time a bit more forcefully. "Beast Boy."

"Uh, five more minutes," he mumbled sloppily, turning his shoulder away from the shaking.

"Beast Boy, we slept in. It's nearly eight in the morning and everyone's already up and getting breakfast," she told him. Although it was completely normal for Raven to be up at the crack of dawn, Beast Boy typically chose to sleep in until late morning. Ever since staying in Raven's room, though, he would get up when she would.

"Five more minutes," he mumbled again.

"They're making waffles downstairs. Don't you want to get some before they're all gone?" she asked him.

"Mmmm, waffles," he mumbled happily to himself before he started purring again.

Raven smiled to herself at his sleepy adoration of the breakfast pastry.

"Yes, waffles. And you know if you don't get up and get some soon, Cyborg's going to eat all of them. You don't want that to happen, now do you?" she said, shaking his shoulder again.

"Waffles will still be there in five minutes," he mumbled as he gripped the blanket tighter and drew it up towards his face.

Raven sighed. She loved him dearly, but waking him up could be such a hassle.

"Beast Boy, please get up," she said, removing the blanket from his body.

Beast Boy turned towards her and opened his groggy eyes. The sunlight burned.

"C'mon Rae, don't you wanna sleep in some more?" he asked, a yawn escaping his open mouth.

"Not particularly," she replied. "I would actually like to go to the kitchen with you to get breakfast before all the waffles are gone."

"Mmmm, waffles," he murmured again as his eyes closed and his purrs resumed.

Raven lightly grabbed his arm to try and pull him into a sitting position, making sure not to put too much pressure on his arm. Despite her gentle grasp, he winced. Even with all the stitched up wounds that remained on his arms, they were nearly healed enough to not cause so much pain. And the scratching that he had been doing for the last few days would not cause so much pain either. Beast Boy tried to take his arm back, now fully awake and fully aware of what was happening. Raven didn't let that happen though.

Raven took a seat on the bed, still holding onto his arm. She pulled the sleeve up, revealing about two dozen fresh cuts on his forearm. He had obviously used a blade to make these wounds. They, luckily, weren't too deep, but they were abundant. There was a little dried blood that had crusted up around them. Each individual wound was swollen and hot, and she knew that these wounds couldn't be more than a few hours old.

"Beast Boy," she said, turning her gaze from his arm to his face. He was looking straight ahead, seemingly at the carpet, and he had a shameful expression covering his face. "Beast Boy."

Slowly, he lifted his gaze to meet hers, and a red hot blush covered his cheeks.

"When did you do this?" she asked him. When he didn't respond, she reworded her question. "Did you do this last night?"

He nodded slightly.

"With what?" she asked again, even though she knew the answer. She couldn't figure out where he would've gotten a blade from though. Her room had absolutely nothing of the like, and they had removed all of the blades from his room. Perhaps a kitchen knife? She found it unlikely considering the depth of the wounds. She had no idea where it could've come from.

He shook his head in reply. Raven sighed, knowing that there was no way in the world that she was going to get him to tell her that.

"I'm sorry," he croaked out, his voice exceedingly quiet.

"Are you sorry about hurting yourself? Or are you sorry about upsetting me?" she asked.

"I'm sorry about upsetting you," he said as he averted his gaze again.

"Look at me," she said, and he returned his gaze to her. "If you don't want to upset me, then don't hurt yourself. You deserve better than that." He looked unsure, and she could feel a growing conflict rise up within him. "How about this – next time you feel the urge to hurt yourself, try to distract yourself. Count down from 100. Read something. Talk to me. But please, do something besides hurting yourself. Can you do that? For me?"

After a moment of distressed silence, he nodded.

"Good," she said as she stood up and walked up to a locked cabinet. She had the key hidden so Beast Boy couldn't use it, and instead unlocked it with her magic. She pulled out a small, orange bottle and removed one sage green pill. She walked back over to Beast Boy and handed it to him. He swallowed it without hesitation. "Now, how about we go get waffles before Cyborg eats them all, okay?" she said, and he nodded in agreement. They both stood up from the bed and made their way down slowly to the kitchen, the smell of fresh waffles filling the air the entire way.


	33. Chapter 33

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 33! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Jobgame274: That's great! And Raven's definitely a difficult character to write monologue for, but I'm glad you're enjoying her! And I agree! I recently read a story on here and accidently read what's available of the sequel without realizing that there was a story prior to it. Just makes me more excited to read what that story has in store that lead to the sequel! Glad you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I'm glad you enjoyed that scene! It was super fun to write, with all the fluff and such. I figured the story needed a more lighthearted moment, even if it was that brief. Glad you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

Despite their late arrival to breakfast, there were still plenty of fresh waffles available. Cyborg had actually set two plates aside just for Raven and Beast Boy. Breakfast had gone by relatively quickly and easily. Much to Beast Boy's pleasure, Raven had decided not to disclose the fact that she had found fresh cuts on him. He really appreciated that, but still wished that she hadn't found them in the first place.

After breakfast was finished and the dirty dishes were put away into the growing mountain of tableware in the sink, the teens settled into the Main Ops room to chill. It was actually a sunny day, which was a nice relief from the repeatedly rainy days that they had been experiencing. The sun shined into the room, making it well-lit and warm on their skin. Starfire had brought some of her magazines down from her room and was currently reading them on the couch. Raven had settled near the enthusiastic alien with a novel of her own and a mug of steaming herbal tea. Beast Boy sat next to Raven with his knees pulled close to his chest as he stared out the window at the city in the distance. Robin sat at the other end of the couch and was reading a newspaper to catch up on the latest news stories of Jump City. Cyborg, who had dish duty, was tackling the mountain of dishes in the sink and cleaning them.

It was actually quite a calm environment for the teens, or at least it seemed so from the outside. All the teens were enjoying the peacefulness of their activities, but Beast Boy's mind was racing. He couldn't stop thinking about what happened last night, and what happened just this morning. He didn't want to hurt Raven, or any of his friends for that matter, but he couldn't stop hurting himself. It seemed impossible.

 _They don't get it. They can't understand this. It's not as simple as just not doing it. Why can't they just get that,_ he thought to himself.

The warmth that came from the window and hit his skin felt foreign almost, as if the warmth from the outside contrasted against the cold from within too much.

 _What's even the point in stopping? I could just hide it and not upset the others that way. Start doing it in a new spot that they won't think to look at._

 _I already have all these scars on me. Why not just continue to add more? What's even the point in trying to stop? Don't they understand that I can't?_

 _It's absolutely pointless for them to be doing this. They can't save me, and they can't stop me. They're wasting their time._

He focused his attention on two birds outside. They were flying around in circles above the water, as if they were chasing one another. He could see the light from the sun dancing on their feathers as they ducked up and down around one another. They seemed so free, so carefree, and felt jealous. Suddenly, something blocked his view of the birds. He shook his head, freeing himself from his daze, and peered up at Cyborg. He could feel the stares from the other teens on himself.

"You okay? I just called your name like three times and you never responded," Cyborg said as he looked down at his stunned friend.

"Oh, uh, sorry. I didn't hear you," Beast Boy responded shyly, embarrassed.

"I could tell," Cyborg said, his once concerned face turning more joyful. "So, you wanna play a video game?"

"Uh, sure. If you want," Beast Boy responded, removing his knees from his chest and setting his feet back firmly on the ground. He couldn't remember the last time he had played a video game. He suddenly realized that he missed it. He watched as Cyborg pulled out the controllers to the game station and inserted a disc. Cyborg brought one of the controllers to him, and kept the other for himself.

The two of them started playing Mega Monkeys 4. Although the other teens remained silent, they were extremely happy to see their friend playing a video game again. They had never thought that they'd miss the obnoxious loudness of the game so much. The two teens were pretty silent at first as they began playing, save for a few comments made by Cyborg. Beast Boy was still too consumed in his thoughts to pay too much attention to the game.

 _They don't really care about you, and you know that. The only reason why they kept you alive is so that you can remain on the team,_ he began to think to himself.

 _How could they even love you? You're a scarred freak. No one could possibly love you._

His player on the screen got attacked as he played a foolish move.

 _They're going to abandon you one day. Throw you into the trash where you belong._

His player got attacked again, and the sound of computer generated explosions brought him out of his mind. He replayed those thoughts in his mind, noticing how depressing they were.

 _No, no, that's not true. They do care about me, and I know that. They wouldn't go through so much trouble to help me out if they didn't. I know they love me, regardless of how messed up I am. I know they won't abandon me, or at least not because of who I am._

It felt odd for him to challenge his thoughts, but it felt right. He knew he was loved and cared for, even if his mind told him differently. He needed to stop letting his intrusive thoughts dictate his life. He poured more of his focus into the game and stopped making foolish moves. He started getting more into the game, even making a few comments here and there. It made his friends really, really happy to see him enjoying himself rather than drowning in his own suffering. And it made him feel good too. He knew that those bad feelings were still there, lurking in the depths of his mind, but for the moment, they didn't bother him. He was able to drown out their incessant yells for the meantime and focus on spending time with his friends, his family.


	34. Chapter 34

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 34! Hope you enjoy!  
**

 **This fanfic is almost completely uploaded; there's just a few more chapters to upload. I'm about half way done with my series of one-shots, and I hope to begin uploading them within the next month or so, so stayed tuned if you're interested in reading those too!**

 **Allen Blaster: I would imagine so, although it would definitely be a strain on their relationship. In my opinion, if you really truly care about someone, you would try to be there for them and support them as much as possible, but you have to take care of yourself at the same time. It's a tricky situation. I think the situation is less so of preferring death over being with her, and rather more so of not knowing how to handle life and the situations that come with it. Again, it's a tricky situation, and one that everyone would react differently to. What do you think? :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: Those thoughts can be so hard to fight, and they're so persistent. It takes a lot of strength and energy to go against those thoughts. And I hope they stop soon too; no one deserves that type of negative thinking. Glad you enjoyed it! :)**

 **RPGPersona: Hiding it from her in such close living space would be incredibly difficult, if not near impossible. They should've known from the unaccounted for blades from the empty sharpeners that there was something up. And I thought about that, but I ended up not having her tell this time. I figured he's being watched under a micro glass, so a little privacy might do him good, even if it's just with Raven. It's decent advice, although difficult to achieve. And his negative thoughts are going to be difficult to battle. There's definitely a lot of ground to cover, but he's getting there, slowly but surely. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

Ever since the morning where Raven found the fresh cuts on him, she had been watching over him like a hawk. Every morning, she would check his arms to make sure there were no more fresh cuts. She hadn't found any more cuts from blades since that morning, but she instead would find scratches and bite marks. Each time without fail, she would heal him. Beast Boy knew she meant well with the constant attention and checking, but it felt suffocating nonetheless. His urges were growing more intense as the days progressed, but had never found the opportunity to retrieve his blade and use it. Even at night, Raven made a point to sleep in a way that meant he couldn't get up without moving her in the progress, which would instantly alert her to his activities. He tried to use his scratching and biting as a way to calm the urges, but what his skin really craved was a blade.

Today had been no different. Raven had woken up at the crack of dawn, waking Beast Boy up in the process. He sat straight up in bed, swinging his legs off the side. Raven came to that side of the bed and rolled up both of his sleeves all the way up to his shoulders. Apart from the scars and wounds that were already there, there were only a few scratches and a bite mark, which she healed. All the wounds that had stitches were finally healed and the stitches were removed. His skin was no longer red and angry, but instead left thick scars and scabs in place.

After Raven checked his arms, she gave him his antidepressant pill and they went downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. They followed with hanging out in the Main Ops room for about an hour or so. Part of the team's plan to help him heal and recover was to create a schedule for him, one that included regular meals, social time, and exercise. So every day, Beast Boy would eat meals when told to, he would socialize with the teens, or at least be in the same room as them, and would work out in the gym. Despite the fact that he was starting to put weight back on, he was still pretty weak and his work outs were kept to a minimum. He was constantly, without fail, accompanied by another teen.

After they hung out with the other teens in the Main Ops room for some time, he and Raven went back up to her room. As soon as they got up there, they both headed for the bed. Raven removed a book from her bookshelf and sat up in the bed as she read. Beast Boy, on the other hand, laid down to nap. Raven typically didn't like it when he took naps during the day since she wanted him to be engaged in activities, but she knew how restless his night had been last night and knew just how tired he must've been. So, she let him nap. Or, at least, she thought he was napping. Beast Boy soon found that he couldn't fall asleep due to his racing mind, but chose to still lay down and close his eyes. He didn't have the energy for much else.

 _It's not enough. I need my blade. I can't keep just living off scratches and bites. I need more,_ he thought to himself. Despite the chaos in his mind, his body remained relatively still.

After some time, Raven closed her book and stood up. She looked over at Beast Boy. She saw that he was still sleeping, and thought that she could afford to leave him alone for a few minutes while she ran out to use the bathroom. Ever since she had found his wounds a few days ago, she would drag him with her when she needed to use the bathroom, and would leave him outside the door.

Beast Boy, still as wide awake as one could be, heard when the door shut behind her. He turned and looked, finding that Raven was no longer on the bed. When he looked around the room, he could see that she wasn't even in the room anymore. He was alone.

"Raven?" he called, just to be sure he was alone. When no response came, it was confirmed.

He jumped out of bed and ran to the bookshelf, practically tripping over his own feet in the process. When he reached the bookshelf, he bent down and grabbed his blade out from behind the shelf. It was covered in some dust, which he blew off effortlessly. He knew he didn't have a lot of time before Raven came back, wherever she went, so he had to be quick. He sat on the ground with his back to the door and pulled up his sleeve. He took no time before plunging the blade into his skin, quickly drawing blood from it. He kept bringing the blade back down, over and over again, and soon the blood was running down his wrist and dripping onto the floor. Once he noticed that the blood was getting on the floor, he moved his leg so that the blood would drip onto it instead. He brought the blade back down to his wrist again with the intention of slicing it through again, but stopped when he heard the door open behind him.

Time seemed to stop in that instance. Beast Boy could feel his pulse increase rapidly even though he felt as if his heart had stopped beating entirely. The air in the room suddenly felt cold and he knew this wasn't good in the slightest.

"Beast Boy," he heard Raven mutter quietly.

After a moment of stillness, he turned his head around just far enough to see Raven standing in the doorway. She seemed shocked, and her skin paled. His wide eyes met hers, and that's when the time seemed to unfreeze. Raven ran towards him. Beast Boy, in a fit of panic, tried to get up and run away, but was tackled to the ground before he could.

"Raven, no! Let me go!" he yelled, trying to wiggle his way out of her grasp. He plunged the blade back into his wrist, but in his panic, the cut was sloppy and jagged.

"Beast Boy! No!" Raven yelled back, as she held him down and tried to take the blade away. Raven encased the blade with her dark energy and flung it across the room. It hit the window and clattered to the ground.

Beast Boy tried to get up and retrieve the bloody blade, but couldn't. Raven pulled his fighting body towards her, hugging him tightly against her as she crossed her legs over his. When he realized that he wasn't going to be able to get up and continue, he started crying. He tried so hard to not let the tears pass, but there was no stopping them. Raven tried to comfort him as much as possible; she hushed calmly and rubbed her hands up and down his upper arms.

"Shh, it's okay. Beast Boy, it's okay," she said to him quietly, burrowing her face into his neck. She picked up his bleeding wrist in her hand and started to encase it in her blue energy. The wounds weren't deep enough to threaten his life or require stitches, but they would definitely scar. He jerked his arm back, hugging it to himself.

"No, no, don't heal it. Please," he begged, his body shaking with each sob.

"Why? They need to be healed," she said to him.

"Please, leave them be. They'll heal on their own," he said, shaking his head back and forth.

"Why did you do this? Where did you get this blade from?" Raven asked him as calmly as she could. She hoped some of her calmness would rub off on him.

"I – I can't stop, Raven," he cried.

Raven could feel her heart break as she watched him break down. He always seemed so strong, even when it was obvious he was suffering. He rarely allowed people to see him in an emotional condition like this.

"Where did you get the blade from?" she asked again. She needed to know where he got it so she could perhaps prevent him from getting anymore that way.

"My room," he sniffled, knowing that he wouldn't be able to hide that from her much longer.

"Where in your room? We cleaned it out and removed them all," she said.

"No you didn't. I kept some hidden, and you never got rid of them," he said.

"Some? There's multiple blades?" she asked, and he nodded. "Where?" When he didn't speak up after a few seconds, she repeated herself. "Where are they, Beast Boy?"

"I…they're underneath my bed," he admitted, which increased his sobs more.

"How many are there?" she asked him.

"Two," he sobbed, his voice quiet.

"And there's only two in your room. No more than that?" she asked him, and he nodded. "Thank you for telling me, Beast Boy. Now is that blade the only one you had hidden in here?" He nodded again. She pulled his weeping form closer to hers and tightened her embrace. She knew he wouldn't try to escape at this point, so she removed her legs from on top of hers. He, in response, pulled in his knees and hugged them to his chest.

After a few minutes, his sobs faded into sniffles. The blood had stopped dripping from his wrist, and had dried crusted on his skin. There was some blood on Raven and on the floor, but not much. Soon, his shakiness faded as well, and his body was still save for his calm breaths. She found that he had fallen asleep, his dried tear marks staining his face. She laid him down gently in front of her, and she stood up. She walked over to where the blade sat and destroyed it with her powers. She then walked back to Beast Boy, blanket in hand. She draped the blanket over his sleeping form and then laid down, cuddling him from behind. She stroked his arm as he slept, and soon she settled her arm around his abdomen and fell asleep herself.


	35. Chapter 35

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 35! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: I agree; it's pretty suffocating, but leaving him unattended could be risky. It's what they do on psych floors in hospitals. You're basically always followed by a nurse, even to the bathroom, and you're very limited in what you can do and where you can go. It's a good thing she found them, although it certainly will not fix his problems. Raven is so good at comforting Beast Boy, and vice versa. I feel like they suite each other so well. Glad you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **RPGPersona: It's a vicious cycle, one that's hard to break. She should've checked on him more carefully to ensure his sleeping, or lack thereof. She surely will now. She did react well once she returned though, taking the situation into her control to help stabilize him. Crying is such a good release, but unfortunately most people don't like to cry in front of others, or even at all. He's beginning to open up, but it'll be a slow process. Hope you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)**

* * *

If Raven had been watching him like a hawk before, the situation had now been upgraded to her becoming his shadow. She never let him out of her sight, or she would at least bring in another teen to watch him while he napped. After Beast Boy had told her where he got his blade from and where the others were located, she called Cyborg and had him go check for her. Sure enough, there were two blades underneath his bed, and they were immediately removed. That, of course, had alerted the other teens that he was still harming himself.

It had been a week since that happened. And in that long, long week, all the teens had been diligent in trying to find new ways for Beast Boy to cope with the urges. Raven continued to teach him relaxation techniques, such as meditation, but those only worked so much. Cyborg focused on distracting him with fun activities, such as video games and pranks, but Beast Boy had a really difficult time getting into those activities. Robin researched different coping mechanisms and tried to implement them on Beast Boy. They had tried holding ice cubes for the freezing pain, running for emotional release, and writing for emotional expression, but nothing helped enough. Starfire went with a more compassionate approach and constantly bombarded him with hugs and other mementoes that showed that she cared.

Beast Boy really appreciated his friends' approaches at trying to help him, but he still didn't understand why they were going to such great lengths to try to help him. He understood that they cared about him – that was beyond obvious enough to him. But why they would sacrifice their own time and energy to try to help control and satisfy his urges in a less destructive manner befuddled him. And he realized that they were trying their best with him. He knew it must be hard for them to try to solve a problem that they knew absolutely nothing about. He was trying his best to be responsive to their attempts, but the methods only went so far in their effectiveness. None of them even came close to matching what he felt with a blade. The ice was probably the best one he had tried, but even then, it was more irritating than helpful. The relaxation techniques and distractions helped somewhat too, but he found that they more so helped to delay the urge rather than to dismiss it. And all the hugs and such were nice and comforting, but there's such a thing as too much attention.

All in all, despite his appreciation for the support, it was beginning to be too much. He craved alone time. He hated being constantly worried about and watched. He hated their disappointed glances and their attempts to stop him when they found him scratching or biting himself. He wished that he still had access to a blade. If only he hadn't confessed to Raven where the others were, he would still have relatively easy access to what he needed. And he needed it. The methods of trying to stop him from hurting himself helped to an extent, but did not and could not fulfill his needs, and they just didn't understand that.

 _It's going to be like this forever,_ Beast Boy thought to himself as he lay in bed with Raven. It was the middle of the night, and much like the last few nights, insomnia was hitting him hard.

 _I'm never going to get better. The rest of my life is just going to be filled with constant watching and pain, at least until I can finally get away and end it for good._

He turned on his side and faced the window. The moon was large and bright, and it illuminated the blackened sky. He thought it was actually quite beautiful, especially when surrounded by the twinkling stars. He felt a shuffle in the bed, and felt Raven turn over on her side, her back to him. In the process, she had removed her arm from over him. At first, it didn't register as much besides her just repositioning herself, but then Beast Boy realized what it meant for him. He could leave the room without disturbing her, without alerting her to his absence. Within seconds of that realization, he carefully got up out of bed, making sure not to disturb her, and snuck out of the room in the form of a spider. Once out in the hallway, he transformed back into his human form.

 _They removed all the blades from my room, so there's nothing I can use there. I bet I could find another pencil sharpener to break, but with my luck, the sound would probably wake someone up._

He looked both ways down the hallway, contemplating to himself where he would be able to fulfill his need.

 _The kitchen has knives! I know Cyborg hid them, but they're still in the kitchen somewhere and I know I can find them._

With that thought and determination, he made his way to the kitchen in the form of a mouse. When he got there and saw that no one else was in the room, he transformed back into his human form.

"Now where would Cyborg hide those knives?" he quietly asked himself as he peered around the room. He remembered seeing Cyborg using one of the knives just a day earlier as he prepared a meal. Although he hadn't seen where he put the knife back, he remembered hearing the closing of a cabinet door.

He started rummaging through the cabinets as quietly as possible. It was a bit difficult considering all the pots and pans that would clank together, but he still managed to keep it to a relatively low volume. Unfortunately, there were quite a few cabinets in the kitchen, and he knew that it may take a while.

The first few cabinets he went through held nothing but cookware. Finished with that section of cabinets, he went to the ones underneath the sink. The first cabinet was filled with cleaning materials, which were strong in his nose, violently burning his sinuses. He wrinkled his nose and continued to search through the cabinets. In the next cabinet he looked through, he found rolls of unused paper towels. He was about to close the cabinet door when he noticed something glint in the back. He pushed a few of the rolls out of the way, exposing the group of kitchen knives tucked away behind them.

"There you are," Beast Boy hummed to himself as he pulled them closer to him. He searched through them, soon finding one that would work well for him. It was a long and shiny blade, with a smooth, plain edge. He stood back up and turned the knife in his hand. The lights from the city across the water danced off the reflective surface. He pulled up his sleeve and placed the tip of the knife against his skin. He used enough pressure to have the blade hurt his skin, but it did not break the skin. He was about to rip it through, but a thought filled his mind.

 _Don't do this. It's not worth it,_ he thought to himself as he stared at the knife that was about to pierce his skin.

 _I can't keep living like this…I can't keep…hurting myself, hurting the ones I love._

 _There has to be something more than this, something better to live for._

Slowly, he lifted the blade off of his wrist, and it hovered a mere inch away from his skin. His body began shaking.

 _I can't keep cutting._

The knife fell out of his hand and clanked onto the floor loudly. He stood there shaking, looking down at his wrist that he thought would've been bleeding by now. Unhurriedly, he bent down and picked up the knife, placing it back where he had found it. He hid them back behind the paper towels again, and closed the cabinet door. He stood up and leaned against the sink.

The urge continued, and his body still craved the bloodshed, but he refused to give into it. He breathed in deeply, trying to calm and distract himself. He knew that, although cutting seemed to make him feel better, it was just pushing him further and further down into the darkness. He couldn't let this pattern continue. He needed to get help. He needed to get better. And, to do so, he needed to put in effort. He was never going to get better unless he made the decision to do so. His friends couldn't make him recover; that was all on his own.

He heard the doors swoosh open behind him, and heard the heavy footsteps walk in towards him. Soon, he felt the large presence right behind him.

"B? What are you doing out here? Where's Raven?" Cyborg asked him nervously.

"Rae's still in bed. I got thirsty and didn't want to wake her, so I just came in here to get water," he lied as he reached up into the cabinet above and pulled out a glass. He put it under the faucet and turned it on, filling the cup with cold water.

"Is that all you came down here for?" Cyborg questioned. He saw no blood or anything to suggest that Beast Boy had hurt himself, but he was still nervous for his friend.

"Yup, that's all," Beast Boy said as he turned around to face his friend, taking a sip of water in the process.

Cyborg eyed him suspiciously, but seemed to believe his lie. Cyborg then reached into the cabinet above Beast Boy's head and pulled down a glass, filling it with water as well. The two of them drank their water in silence, the lights from the city illuminating their features. Soon, Beast Boy finished his glass and placed it in the sink.

"Well, I better get back to Raven before she wakes up and sees that I'm missing. That would not be fun," Beast Boy said as he started heading towards the door. He was about to leave before he stopped and turned around. "And Cy?"

Cyborg turned back and met his eyes. "Yeah?"

"Thanks," Beast Boy said to him.

"For what?" Cyborg asked.

"For everything. I know I've been difficult to deal with lately, to say the least, but I really appreciate what you and the others are trying to do for me. I don't know what I'd do without you, dude," he said.

"No problem. We're just glad to see you're doing better. We really do care about you and want to see you be happy," Cyborg said, a small smile covering his face.

Beast Boy returned the smile, one of the first genuine smiles he had worn in a while, and left the room to return back to Raven.


	36. Chapter 36

**Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 36! This is the final chapter in Regress, and it serves as the epilogue! I hope you all enjoy it and enjoyed the story. This chapter is pretty fluffy, so I apologize for that haha**

 **As I mentioned a few chapters ago, I am in the process of writing a series of one shots. There will be 35 one shots, and I am about half way done with them. I plan to begin posting them hopefully within the next month or so, so stay tuned!**

 **RPGPersona: It's often difficult to find a coping mechanism that works for an individual person, and it often takes many different trials and errors to find what works best. It involves a lot of willpower. You can't heal without the willpower to do so. It'll be a very long and difficult process, but one that is very possible. :)**

 **Bbrae-4ever fanfics: It was a very important moment for him and for his friends. There's definitely a long battle to go through, but he's taken the first step. Glad you're enjoying the story! :)**

 **Please keep reading and reviewing! All reviews I receive for this chapter will be either be DM'd or posted on the first story of the one shots. Thank you! :)**

* * *

The five teens sat on the couch in the Main Ops room. The TV blared loudly as two virtual cars, one green and one blue, raced down a street, screeching and grunting the entire way. And, of course, no video game is complete without ridiculously loud and persistent explosions, this one included.

"Take that, grass stain!" Cyborg yelled as he pressed on his game controller's buttons hard, taking the curve in the game a bit too sharply, pushing the green car off the path a little.

"Ha! You're gonna have to do better than that, tin man!" Beast Boy returned as he pressed a button, causing the turbo on his vehicle to go off. He sped far in front of the skidding blue car, taking the lead.

A loud ding was heard in the kitchen, and Starfire flew briskly towards the stove. She opened it up and removed some sort of gooey orange dessert, one with an extremely strong mustard smell. As she set the warm dish on the counter, she heard the friendly banter between Cyborg and Beast Boy from the couch. She smiled warmly to herself before returning back to the couch next to Robin, leaving the dish on the counter to cool.

Raven was sitting in front of the window, deep in meditation. Although the obnoxiously loud sounds of the game station were distracting to her, she welcomed them with open arms. She had come to learn that the video games and the joking that came with it was a good sign in the tower. She heard Beast Boy's voice yelling above Cyborg's, and she smiled calmly to herself.

It had been a year since Robin found Beast Boy hanging in his room. A year filled with tears and pain and blood. It had been hard; there was no doubt about that. But things got better. That night in the kitchen with the knives had changed something in Beast Boy's mentality. He realized, from that point onward, that cutting was not the right solution. He was never going to get better if he numbed his problems with a blade. He ended up telling Raven the next day what had happened. The both of them had shed tears, but for different reasons. Raven had been so proud of him, glad that he was starting to realize that he needed help. She was scared of what could've happen, but her delight outweighed that fear. Beast Boy, on the other hand, was scared. He knew he was doing the right thing, but the idea of trying to conquer life without that crutch was terrifying. He, too, was proud of himself for what he did, but his fear outweighed that.

He started being active in his recovery, making stronger attempts at trying to better himself. He soon found that, although still miserable, he was finding little shards of happiness in everyday life, and that gave him hope. There were still, of course, times when recovery seemed pointless. He relapsed countless times, but always confessed his relapses to Raven and his friends. Soon, the relapses came less and less often. By this point, the once red and angry scars that littered his arms had faded. The more shallow scars were a pale greenish white, whereas some of the deeper ones remained a dark greenish purple. He knew his scars would never go away, and at first, that pained him greatly. He thought it would serve as a constant reminder of what he had done to himself for years on end. And, in a way, that was true. But he decided to not look at the scars in a way of resentment or regret, but rather as a testament of what he had gone through and survived.

He still took the antidepressant that Cyborg had put him on. The medication had not been a cure-all, but that had not been the expectation. Rather, the medication helped to balance out his emotions and made him feel more stable. It helped him feel like he had a better grip on life. That, combined with his friends' help and different forms of emotional expression, helped him greatly in his recovery. He still, of course, had his bad days. No one's life could be completely without pain and sadness, but likewise, no one's life could be completely without light and happiness. He handled the pain and sadness better now, though, and no longer let it pull him under. He finally felt happy, as if he was truly living his life.

Raven stood up, ending her meditation session. She peered out into the city beyond the water. It was a sunny day, and the light glistened off of the waves. Jump was busy with people and cars rushing everywhere. She could hear the distant yells and laughter from the city. She turned and made her way towards the couch. She sat down next to Beast Boy, giving him a peck on the cheek as he did so. He turned and smiled, returning the kiss with one on her lips. At that moment, Beast Boy's virtual car crashed, effectively ending the game.

"Boo-yah!" Cyborg yelled as he stood up and fist pumped into the air.

Both Cyborg and Beast Boy laughed, and they sat down their controllers. Raven curled herself into Beast Boy's side. One of her hands rested on his thigh, the other played with his green locks. He blushed and smirked, wiggling his face into the side of her neck. Raven laughed as his hair tickled her cheek, and Beast Boy lifted up his head and joined her in laughing. Soon, they settled into each other's embrace, appreciating each other's presence and warmth.

"I love you, Rae," Beast Boy whispered into her ear as he took her hand in his.

"I love you too," she whispered back, blushing and smiling.

They remained there as they cuddled, their warmth radiating between the two. Smiles covered both of their faces, truly and completely feeling happy and alive.


End file.
